Dear Mr. Trudeau,
It has come to my attention that you are offering a 10,000 reward for anyone who can prove that George W. Bush actually showed up for his Alabama Air National Guard duty. I believe that I can offer that proof.
I was born in Florence, Alabama in 1969. My parents soon divorced. My mother dated many men before she married my stepfather, an ex-green beret Vietnam Vet. I like to think that one of these men was Pres. George W. Bush.
In 1972 I was only three years old, but I have distinct memories of a man who wanted me to call him "Daddy W." He was from Texas, or so he said, but he did have a distinct northern accent. We all thought this was suspicious. He was there a lot, but on several weekends he said he had to leave. My Mama said he was going to get high. I'm sure she meant he was off flying his beloved jets with General Turnipseed in the Air National Guard.
Also, I suspect, but I have no proof of this, that he is the father of my half-brother, who was born in June of 1972. He and the president have the similar features and the same ears.
If you need more proof you can email me and I'll give you my Mama's phone number at the place where she works as a bartender. Also if you can get Daddy W in touch with her she'd greatly appreciate it. She's currently divorced. She's always had a soft spot in her heart for Texans.
I hope this puts the whole issue to rest, Mr. Trudeau. So now we can get back to the real issue, finding those weapons of mass destruction.
By the way, Mr. Trudeau, do you know where I can get a job?
H. Wayne Nix