I don't remember clearly all the details, but I do remember with crystal clarity walking into a new class one morning, looking for a seat to take early in the second semester, not really seeing anyone around me. Suddenly, I heard a very cheerful and friendly voice say, "hey, how're you doing?" I looked over as I was walking to a desk to say hello in return and was shocked to see the guy who I had once written off as "sullen and unfriendly."
Immediately a little voice in my head said, "David, you're SUCH an ass!"
I felt terrible. I had written off someone I never even knew, in a manner that I truly loathed when exhibited in others.
Earlier in my life, I had promised that I would NEVER do to others what had been so often done to me; arrogantly judging someone without really knowing them. That's why I was so incredibly angry with myself; I had treated this person as I had myself been often treated in the past.
So, you think I'm being overly dramatic? If you do, then you and I will have to agree to disagree. I hate being judged so quickly, and I hate that attitude when I find it manifesting in my own life. I loathed it then, I loathe it today.
And yes, as you read through all my other blog postings you can probably find some examples of that type of behaviour.
Just so you know, the person whom I had misjudged (and, in so doing, mistreated) gave me another chance to treat him as I should have treated him the FIRST time I met him. And we wound up becoming good friends.
As a matter of fact, we even roomed together during our Sophomore and Junior years, before he went on to become a Resident Assistant in a nearby Dorm. He was one of my best friends throughout college and remains one of my best friends to this day. A guy with a great family and a heart of gold.
And I almost blew it. I almost missed out on a friendship that has made a difference in my life.
Thank God for second chances!
David Flanagan
Viewpointjournal.com
Article comments
1 - Nancy
We all do it; I suppose it's human nature - or living organism nature, since even some of the more basic life forms practice visual judgement identification aka first impressions. It's what 10,000 years ago kept you from getting eaten.
Alas, our brains have not kept up with modern technology. We see someone who is gorgeous, and think 's/he must be stuck up, vain, and stupid to boot.' We see someone who is fat or unattractive, and think, 's/he must be a pig, a slob, and stupid to boot.' We see someone in an expensive suit and think, 's/he must be rich, an executive, powerful.' And as you mention, it isn't just looks. I was terrified of a woman I met at a convention; she was/is a Big Name Editor, writer, etc. and therefore I figured she would not talk to me, that she was too important/rich/powerful/intelligent to waste her time with me. Nor did she look particularly friendly. It turned out she was upset about misplacing her wallet shortly before, with all her IDs in it. I was embarrassed and astonished later to find that she was friendly, interested, and a lovely person. We became friends and still 'crash' with one another when visiting our respective cities.
I try to suppress this instinct, and gear my perceptions to match my supposed 'higher' intellect, but even after all these years, and after many, many persons misperceiving me when they first encounter me on a bad day (& you'd think I'd know better) it's still a bit of an effort on occasion, since there have also been times my gut instincts (usually negative) about someone were justified, enough to keep me cautious. I wonder how many potential friends I've never known thru believing my anthropoidal brain?