Speaking with a male coworker the other day gave me another male perspective on relationships. We were talking about living the married life and, with no hesitation, he made a statement that was as obvious as it was disturbing. Like many men before him, he said that "the woman has to always be right." I've heard this comment before. People say it with sarcasm at weddings, at family get-togethers, and just to be funny. Come to think of it, it's really not funny at all.
This left me wondering. Why do so many men feel like they have to give up something just to appease their women?
I asked my coworker to explain himself. He said, "I feel like I'm always the one apologizing." I guess this means that his wife is either always right or she can't ever admit it when she is wrong. I've never met her but I'm willing to bet it's the latter. If a man feels that he needs to apologize simply because the woman won't, then he must feel there is an unfair balance in the relationship.
My coworker said a couple more things that stuck out. He said, "If I'm going to admit that I'm wrong (when I'm wrong) then you better admit it when you're wrong." Even more enlightening for me was that he said, "Women need to throw us a bone every once in a while if they want to keep us around."
This really brought all the reasons why men feel that the woman has to always be right into one sharp focus for me. They feel this way because they don't get any credit for being right themselves. Or even worse, they probably don't feel that their women even acknowledge it when they are right.
All men need credit, praise, and acknowledgment. That is what keeps them going. As a woman, if you can understand this, then you can understand how important it is to a man when you give him credit. If he can't get any of this from you, chances are he's going to try to find it elsewhere, and that won't be good for either of you.
Just remember, when giving credit, it's just as important to tell a man when he is right as it is to admit to a man when you are wrong. And, if you are admitting you are wrong, then don't forget to apologize.
Sometimes, you should just give the dog a bone even if you prefer the challenge of a tug-of-war.
Article comments
1 - S L Cunningham
During the time I was married, I was never right about anything. Most times when challenged I let it go, especially if I wasn't completely sure about my position. If I later learned I was "wrong" about something, I'd let her know and move on.
Sometimes relationships are easier to attend to when we learn to take people where they are rather than where they should be, and then go from there.
2 - Glenn Contrarian
Rule 1 - the wife is always right.
Rule 2 - if the wife is wrong, see rule 1.
For all my fellow husbands out there, it is our fault. Doesn't matter what it may be - tornado, Oprah gaining weight, Great Depression - it IS our fault.
As soon as we come to that understanding, everything becomes a bit easier.
One thing I've noticed - if the husband is unhappy, the rest of the family can still do okay. If the _wife_ is unhappy, however, the whole family WILL be miserable. That said, just keep the family happy by keeping her happy.
1 - plant roses, LOTS of roses. That makes a 'just because' flower that much more convenient (and free).
2 - rub her feet (thanks to Robert Heinlein for this one). When she's had a long day or is feeling down, she'll be sincerely grateful for one...and you'll enjoy her gratitude.
3 - be DOGGONE careful to not look at the other sex if she or anyone she may possibly know is within sight.
4 - If she's past her 29th birthday, she's 17, period, end of story.
5 - YOU are the head of the household (that's why it's ALL your fault), but if you are wise, let her have her way in _almost_ everything. Step in only when you absolutely must...and then be willing to accept the price you'll pay for the rest of your life.
6 - it's really easy to get her to do what you tell her to do - all you have to do is tell her to do what she wanted to do anyway, and she'll be happily obedient (but don't let your daughter see this or she'll expect the same from you)!
7 - if she does something really wrong (but isn't something malicious), YOU should take the blame. Tell her it's not her fault, that if you had done something different it wouldn't have happened. She'll still know it's her fault, but she'll see that she can depend on you to be there for her even if she's wrong.
8 - and MOST importantly, NEVER stop courting her. I've seen so many men, once they're married, stop courting their wives...and the fire slowly dies. Tell her every day that you love her, find reasons to compliment her (GOOD reasons, not just BS), brag about her to her friends (whether or not she's around), and chase her until she lets you catch her. NEVER stop being her boyfriend, her secret admirer who tries to woo her and win her affection! NEVER stop courting her! That's how to keep the fire alive - because it all starts with you (and again, that's why it IS your fault).
17 years happily married, and still getting accused of being newlyweds - I am the luckiest man on earth!
3 - Bliffle
It's a vicious circle. Fathers spoil their daughters, so the daughter gets accustomed to being spoiled by The Man Of The House and expects husband (that's you bubba) to pick up where dad left off.
So your wife is relentless, but when a lovely little daughter comes along you have a chance for a new female relationship with the adorable creature (and they all are adorable), and you spoil her.
Doesn't work for little boys, they're not adorable. Except for me: I was adorable because I had long eyelashes. The women all exclaimed "Look how adorable he is with those long eyelashes. Too bad he's not a girl".
So I grew up and married a woman who was always right and I spoiled my 3 daughters for solace. Of course my daughters, now full-grown, were disappointed that their Mere Husbands didn't treat them well enough. But then, that's just the way all men are, including their father. So they say.
Relax. Roll with the punches.
You can't win.
4 - Silas Kain
"Do Women Always Have To Be Right?"
Yes, provided they are not members of the Far Right.
5 - Cindy
Rare hilarity from Bliffle. Just a note of appreciation. :-)
6 - Cindy
My advice to men: Your wife is always right, because she's superior. Just adore your wife, like Glenn does and everything will be fine. ;-)
7 - Silas Kain
What about a lesbian couple, Cindy?
8 - Irene Wagner
Hmm. I'm trying to remember the name of the TV show or movie (some kind of comedy) in which a husband was struggling to make what was possibly his first apology EVER, and it came out: "I wa...I was...I was wro.."
Iron sharpens iron. I'm basically with you, Ani. A husband who watches his wife get away with that sort of thing is standing in the way of her personal growth in a major way.* The same is just as true of a wife who doesn't, respectfully and patiently, help a husband to shed a "must be right at any cost" attitude.
*ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with roses, though, just so long as it doesn't cause a chocolate imbalance.
9 - Cindy
Silas? Why would a lesbian couple ever argue?
(btw, I went to your radio program, but you didn't. lol)
10 - Cindy
Drats, Irene is ruining all the fun! But, she right!
(see what I mean Silas...)
11 - Irene Wagner
Wrong, Cindy.
Chocolate=fun.
12 - Irene Wagner
Especially when one...ok...um...I think I've got to go get dessert ready.
13 - Cindy
Ahem...of course I am wrong Irene; if you say so I agree.
(see Silas?)
I made giant chocolate covered strawberries yesterday--is there anything better?
14 - Irene Wagner
Skipping the strawberries?
Well Cindy, I'm still half prude. I only waited long enough to post enough comments to....ah, never mind.
15 - Cindy
You mean just eating the chocolate? No strawberries? How decadent! :-)
16 - Irene Wagner
Strawberries are OK, I guess.
The squirrels ate all of them, too, though, along with the basgetti plants.
Well, he'll be back with the chocolate soon.
See ya round, Cindy!
17 - Silas Kain
Sorry, Cindy. I'll be there this Thursday night. To be honest we've been working our tails off getting this restaurant up and running. I fell asleep 10 minutes before airtime only to wake up the following morning!
Insofar as lesbian couples arguing -- all I know is that usually 5 days out of every month a lesbian household is usually off limits to the civilized world. And that is probably a good thing.
18 - Ruvy
Sometimes, you should just give the dog a bone even if you prefer the challenge of a tug-a-war.
It don't matter what else this woman has to say about dating or relationships. That one line gives the whole article away - along with her real attitude.
19 - Nate
This Article hits the nail right on the head. For all the women I've dated, I've had ONE that has been willing to admit when she's wrong, and I'm still with her. :) Ladies, it's time to take responsibility for your own actions and accept the consequences, and Gentlemen - please, for the love of our sex, stop apologizing when it's not needed. Your life will be miserable. I promise.
20 - Anonymous
Get real. This is not a gender-based issue. It's totally dependent on the type of persons in the relationship. If it had been written with the genders reversed, just as many people would have agreed with it.
21 - Cindy
20 - I think Anonymous has it right.
I am not surprised either Anonymous, I've read your work. Some of it is excellent. ;-)
22 - Bliffle
Well I just spent 2 satisfying days spoiling my faux granddaughter from Paris. Took her up the mountain to my wilderness hideaway where we captured a live Velvet Ant and Black Widow in magnifier specimen boxes and pickled them in alcohol. Skinned a Pacific Rattler and gave her the rattles as another trophy (damn scavenger stole the skin while we weren't looking, probably a barn owl). Boy will her school mates eyes bug out when she shows them THAT stuff!
She got to sleep out in the open in her own right-size tent, wrapped in a special cougar-proof, bear-proof, snake-proof quilt made by her faux great-grandmother.
Well that'll make a hard act for her future husband to follow! Or even her Dad. Or even her grandmother (heh heh heh).
That's just me. That's what I do. Out there spreading sunshine wherever I go.
23 - Cindy
Bliffle,
That sounds like a wonderful adventure! I bet it would make a good movie scene. Reminds me of second hand lions, one of my favorites. I recommend that to you, if you didn't see it. I bet you'd like it.
24 - Silas Kain
Ladies, it's time to take responsibility for your own actions and accept the consequences, and Gentlemen - please, for the love of our sex, stop apologizing when it's not needed. Your life will be miserable. I promise.
I do plenty for the love of our sex and it's usually my fellow males who get all verklempt just to talk openly about such things in a rational, calm manner. We spend too much time worrying about the act. I wonder if that has to do more with performance anxiety as opposed to the Word of the Lord.