Dear Elsa,
I was married for 36 years to the father of my four children. He was a control freak and I lived in fear of him. On requesting a divorce in February 2003, he agreed to an amicable one, saying we should have parted years back.
I was not to go to an attorney or I would never see my children again. Our children all work for him and this was the kind of hell he put me through. He used the three eldest kids to draw up my settlement offer. On refusing, it, I sought legal advice. I and my present husband were then sued - for going against him.
My last three years have been a nightmare from hell with this man still threatening me. I agreed to settle out of court because I feared him and I was also emotionally unstable due to the threats he made against me. I got a pittance from him. I never worked but was a full time wife and mother - which he was quite happy with. I want to be happy, to see my life out in peace but this man continues to cause trouble, his kids all fear him and I won't back off until I have the money he owes me. How long does it take to move on?
Ex-Wife Still Stuck
Dear Stuck,
People move and move on at different speeds. They move when they damned well please and I don’t think you’re going to be moving anytime soon.
I base this on the fact you stayed married to a man who terrorized you (and your children) for 36 years. I base this on the fact that you state outright that you have no intention of backing off until and unless. And considering this, to be completely candid, I would not be surprised if you stayed attached for the rest of your life.
Don’t like that? Well then you will have to start thinking along the lines of cutting your losses. But right now, you’re not willing. You do not want to think about how much this is costing you in pain. You’re used to pain I suppose. You’ve had forty years of it!
So if you want to think about easing up somehow, or letting something go, or seeking happiness as opposed to victory, then this could wrap up very quickly. But right now, you are determined to fight to the death, and I expect this is exactly what you'll do.
Good luck.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Karen
Hi there,
I have what I believe to be an ex husband who is obsessive, controlling and narcissistic and least I forget to mention....intent on getting revenge on me and making my life H E, double hockey sticks.
My son now lives with him, I pay child support and I am lucky if I get to have dinner 2 times a year with my now 15 year old. He is so brainwashed by his dad and under such pressure (or so I believe) that he wouldn't even answer the phone on Christmas Day nor call me. He doesn't call me on my birthday and has alienated my entire family.
All of this because I left my ex-husband who couldn't be a husband, couldn't love a woman, wouldn't share anything. This resulted in me working 3 jobs to pay all the bills because he would only pay for the mtg of 850 a month.
I should mention he did "many things under the table" for very bad people so leaving him was going to be hard. It took me 7 years to work up the courage and after the stalking, restraining orders (which resulted in him being arrested), I spent 50,000 dollars to fight my ex in court for my son's best interest....losing because my 6ft2 ex husband who weighs 280 lbs, bald head, fu-manchu and tatoos all over him is somehow a victim in all this.
He has used my son to steal from me, used my son (unknowingly) to serve me child support papers when I was already paying child support? How does this work? How does someone in life get away with behaviour like that and get system support in doing it?
I find it funny that you have to take a "parenting after separation course" to get divorced, but you don't have to take a parenting course to become a parent?
At the end of the day, somehow I am the bad guy in all of this and my son...well, I miss him so much I tear up just writing this. I have no recourse, the police can't do anything and neither can the courts.
My son.....he is the one who is losing here...he is losing a relationship with someone who did everything she could for him up to his 14 years when he crossed over to the dark side. A mom who would do anything for him, who loves him, misses him and her heart aches to see his smile, feel a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek. A mom who would give up pretty much anything to hear him say "Goodnight Mom" or "How was your day"...just like he used to. Or....the kicker would be to hear those words "I love you mom".
I have moved on in my life and continue to forge towards my dreams and ambitions of being happy, healthy and recently enrolled to go back to school while working full time and holding down 2 other part time jobs so that I can pay the child support.
I just don't get it and know there must be a reason that I am going thru this, but it sure would be helpful to know what it is.
Thanks for listening! I feel better already.
One broken hearted mom who misses her son.
2 - Susan B.
Hey, I hear you all the way I also have the same problems, i say never give up. My son is the most wonderfull thing that ever happened to me, but due to his dad I have not enjoyed him the way I should have. I wont give up I have gone threw hell and I still will. I can not imagine a day without my son and I do believe he would not even have his life if it were not for me, his dad did not grow him inside I did, you cant take that away from me, without expecting me to loose my mind.Dads are great if they can be parents but no one can replace a MOTHER EVER!!!!!!! and I will die trying to keep my treasure.
3 - Susan B.
If anyone ever tells a mother that truley cares for her children to ever give up, than that person has never been a real mother, a loving, caring, lioness, MOTHER.
4 - jenny
my husband has what I believe to be a narcissistic ex wife. she has made our life miserable for 15 years, 10 of the years we have been happily married. I think that may be part of the problem. she left him, and had been gone almost two years when I met him in may of 1992. she had been living with another man whom she marreid in october of that same year. she's now on her third marriage and still not happy. she carries this husbands manhood around in her purse if you know what I mean. she has reduced him to nothing more than an appendage. july will make 5 years they've been married and his hair is so grey you'd think he's been in the presidency. Her son who is a 21 year old marine will not have anything to do with her. she has tried, unsucessfully to ruin his marriage of less than a year and a half so when they moved to a new house in the same city he won't tell her where he lives. she was in a mental hospital back in november of o6 for trying to commit suicide,and when she came out her husband bought a gun for her why I don't know, mabe hoping she'll put him out of his misery one way or another. Her 18 year old daughter is getting married this saturday to someone she's known only 6 months she's trying to escape also. As for my husband and I we can't wait for the whole thing to be other with, then she'll have no more control over our lives. she's already began to get frantic at the reality of her loss of narcissistic supply. we are extracting the leach on saturday thank God. free at last free at last thank God almighty were free at last.
5 - Susan B.
Good for you hope it all works out, All those who want to cause trouble should be sent to their own island. Children are gifts from god and should not be used as pawns.
6 - One broken hearted mom who misses her son
Thank you all for your feedback and comments. It's comforting to know that I am understood, that others are going through this same thing and survived it. It gives me confidence I can too and that there is an open forum to discuss.
You hear of these horror stories happening to dads usually but it happens to Mom's too! Nothing has changed with my son - and his dad just recently has begun harassing me for more money for what he claims are Section 7 expenses again this past week. It will never end. I don't mind paying over and above what is not covered off by child support but my ex makes things up and forwards expenses like bulk meat purchase, weights, furniture, haircuts, etc.
I imagine there is still more to come for me in respect to dealing with the ex bonehead. All the best to you and together we know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Life does go on......I am off to Greece for two weeks for the trip I have wanted to take for the last 20 years. I knew I could never take if I was married to my ex-husband so this in itself is a realization of dreams and moving towards life going on.
7 - PeregrinaMom
Congrats on your trip to Greece! I am with you and understand your feelings. After my divorce I am still dealing with my ex-husband who despite being a millionare refuses to pay the settlement and continues to take me back to court over the tiniest of issues. Breaks my heart my kids (21 and 19) are caught in the middle of this but the best thing I can do for me is to show them that life is more than we think when we have the courage to live it rather than just settle for existence.
Since my divorce, I have moved to Spain (I dream I had for years), have a wonderful, caring man in my life who is supportive and treats me with love, respect and dignity. And the best part? I am loved just for who I am and not what I do.
I am still called a trailer trash hussie and a f**** c***, my name has been dragged through the mud in the town I used to live at, I am financially ruined and I wonder whether the justice system works as it seems to protect more the aggresor (who usually have the money and the skills to manipulate the situation to suit their needs... they can be quite charming and persuasive).... at great expense, I had to come back to the US from Spain to do one last legal push..... however.....
I can finally be me. I have stayed strong and with my actions, I believe very strongly, I am sending my daughter a message "Abuse, whether physical, verbal, emotional or financial" is not acceptable. To my son, to reject in his adulthood the pattern he saw. To both of them, that someone's physical presence does not mean being emotional available......
The best gift you can give your son is to be free, to be yourself, to live with courage..... and always with love..... for yourself, for others.... Resentment is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die from it..... Just think..... You are finally free..... Your ex-husband will never be free.... And for that, I pity him for he is worthy of compassion.
My ex-husband's girlfriend thinks she is the luckiest woman in the world... he is a millionare, handsome, witty, smart, sophisticated, there is much prestige, social stature, homes, vacation homes, cars, airplanes, motorcycles and money galore..... and I wish her well.... and for those that are reading this blog thinking that we, the ex-wives are mean and vindictive and you hate us without knowing us .... Ask yourselves this question........
"Why would she leave all this being it is so good?".........
............ Hence, you will find the answer.
..... I speak from 24 years experience and the many years it took me to gather the courage to finally leave.
And for those out there who feel bad with the situation, I embrace you and leave you with a reminder......
WHEN WE FOCUS ON WHAT LIFE DENIES US, WE FAIL TO SEE WHAT LIFE HAS GIVEN US.......
..... In Freedom and Love.....
PeregrinaMom
8 - One broken hearted mom who misses her son
WOW Peregrina Mom.
I have so desperately needed to hear such words. Your words have not necessarily released me but they have certainly provided my brain and my heart with some reprieve.
My trip to Greece was wonderful and everything I dreamed it would be and more. It saddens me that I cannot share with my son all of the fun and wonderful things we saw and did. It further saddens me that I couldn't buy him anything that could be connected to me being on a holiday, so i bought him a belt. To purchase a souvenir and give it to him, would only infuriate his dad and instigate yet more battles, threats and communication. That only puts more stress on my son.
My son is stuck in a situation in having to live with an eternal pessimist, victim and for lack of being able to call him what he really is, I will settle for "Grumpy Pants". I feel for my son him but at this point can do nothing for him.
I feel as though I need to write him some sort of "letter" that will finally get turn the light on or magically get through to him and enable my son to see things for the way they truely are.... yet then I come back to reality to realize that until he is free of his dad (and I do believe the time will come) that it would all be for naught.
I send him cards, texts, phone messages and rarely get nothing back. It breaks my heart and most of all, my son is missing all of the love and adoration that I have for him. The most recent attack on me from my ex is that "it's nice to see that I have time for my new family and no time for my son".
My boyfriend has two girls (10 * 8) who give me much love and allow me to be a mom - even if it's only every other weekend have saved my sanity.
My boyfriend who also thinks the world of me, treats me with love, respect and appreciates me for those quirks and loves me for who I am, not what I am has been a god send. I have never known love before but I do now.
I don't know if I am losing my mind but sometimes I go to this place in my brain where I think "What will my son do if something ever happens to me and I am no longer here?". Will he be living with this incredible guilt and will it destroy him? How can I stop that from happening, how can I save him from that pain....the short answer is "I cannot".
So I live with the guilt and the pain that I should have done something differently but then I realize that it wouldn't have mattered what i did because any move would have been the wrong move as it wasn't what my EX wanted.
What is truely painful is the continued neglect that not only me but my family has to endure because of my EX needing to feel like a VICTIM in all of this and that somehow somebody has ripped him off of something he is entitled to or done the wrong thing to him according to his morals (which are interchangeable depending on the situation and the outcome he desires). It's nothing for him to take something from you, but god forgive you if you should ever take something from him. It's a one way street and you hit it right on the head when you said.....
"Why would she leave all this being it is so good?".........
Truer words were never spoken and Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.....for your response. I really needed to hear that and I will print it and use your note to keep me focused on the positive future that is ahead of me.
If you were here, I would hug you and probably cry in your arms in knowing you innately understand my situation and that I don't have to say a word....that I can "just be" safe to feel it and release it and know someone understands.
So....here is a big e-hug.
smiles ....from one Mom to another
KJ
9 - elsa
You made my day. Much love and good luck to you. :)
Elsa
10 - marge
I to know what you are going through.I'm going through a divorce and also breast cancer at the same time.My ex is giving me a hard time.Game playing is his game.It does nothing but stalls the divorce,and adds cost.My older son lives with his dad,and carry's on the same degrading behaviour.He was living with his girlfriend who finally gave him the boot.My younger son lives with me and now his dad doesn't want anything to do with him as he tells me I took his son away from him.which is a lie.He was 17 and chose to live with me.but his dad can't except that so it is my fault and he punishes his son.He never makes sense only causes so much chaos.As he is living a life with a new or old girlfriend.But in no hurry to complete the divorce.It's been a year and a half.He won't follow through on agreements set by our lawyers.He makes his own rules,to benefit only him.I pity his girlfriend in time as she probably thinks she is loved.As he is a charmer and has status,convertible motor cycle, 30 ft.bayliner a very unual house all I gave up to get out of the abuse.all I want is alimony,and a peace of mind.He's not worth the heart ache I allowed myself to endure.He's only an image and doesn't have a loving soul whatsoever.It's all about him and never you.
11 - One broken hearted mom who misses her son
Hey there Marge, I feel like I am talking to my mom - her name is Marge.
I am so sorry to hear about the battles both personal and health wise you are going through. I used to think that my situation was so specific and unfair. Several years of therapy later I have realized that I am not the only woman in this scenario and that "Life is not fair". If it were, we mothers would have our children in our lives.
My most recent situation is I have CFL Western conference tickets for Vancouver. I offered to fly my son (who is almost 17, plays football and lives for it) to Vancouver to watch the game with me and spend the day. He was excited about this until his dad got to him. I am sure my son was manipulated and beaten down mentally just like I used to get. He ended up "not knowing what he was doing" and I could sense the stress in his voice. He was being pressured. He is not going with me now. I work in the Airline industry and he has passed on about 6 trips. it's tragic!
Back to your situation. I verily believe that these divorce documents we spend so much money on..... have no teeth in them whatsoever! there is no way to enforce them. My ex did the same thing in terms of stalling, delaying, firing lawyers and then using mine to run up the bills.
The only people who gain are the lawyers and I believe many times they are schooled to put more onto the table than what they take off. It has taken me years to come to terms with the fact that I have no rights as a parent. I feel so aweful for my son and I know he has good in him but he is being a little jerk and the PARENT in me cannot let him get away with treating his Mother like some stalker who is desperate to spend any time with him.
I cry to let it out and then I get back up on that horse and keep going.
They can only get to you, if you let them get to you.
Like Peringa Mom said....."why would we have left if it was so good?" Unfortunately our kids are used as ammunition against us and will end up with the short end of the stick. I know my son will have emotional issues later once he comes to terms with this. I will still be there, but I wonder how much damage it will do to him.
I am happy your 17 year old is with you and stay strong on the medical side....they have made so many advances in treatment - my thoughts and prayers are with you.
All the best.
Karen
12 - Jason
My 17 yo son has lived with me for 11 years. His mother has NEVER sent a dime in support to me. I never asked for any, either. She went the last 3 years without seeing him, and for the first time, paid for his flights to visit her 500 miles away.
13 - Broken hearted mom
So.....this just in. My controlling ex-husband served me papers at my place of work on Monday. He feels that the monthly child support that the judge ordered in 2005 isn't enough. I don't disagree with paying what I need to pay. I have suggested mediation over the last 2.5 years to discuss Section 7 expenses. He sent me a list of "unreconciled expenses" that included "Pure country meats", IKEA (3 x), weights, supplements, Wharehouse one Jeans" and football. He didn't identify what any of these purchases were, provide any receipts to prove he had paid for anything and refuses to provide his tax returns or assessments so that I can determine proportionate amounts for true S7 expenses. He claims he "doesn't have to" and feels he can just provide descriptions of purchases and no receipts to confirm payment.
He also went ahead and booked a meeting with a DRO (dispute resolution officer) who's intention would be to assist with working through any financial disagreements (don't get me wrong, I think this is a good thing). However, he did not talk to me about the date and it conflicts with work - my first day on a new job in a new department. I tried to reschedule and was told by the courts I could not and if I didn't show up that it would look bad on me. All I could do is call HIM and tell him to change it. Right! I am going to tell a 285 lb, extortionist biker who has a bee in his bonnet and who's sole mission in life is to make my life a living H--- to change an appointment that doesn't work for me.
he won't, the DRO won't change it and when I called the mediator to advise them the I wouldn't be able to attend and reschedule I was told "they couldn't talk to me and I would have to phone the DRO office". this is crap and I cannot believe that my ex was allowed to go ahead and make an appointment without my knowledge or consent and that I cannot do anything in terms of changing the date? What generation do we live in?
i am so frustrated. To boot, when my ex served me "for my copy of my tax return for 2006" he was supposed to have provided me with a copy of his. The court makes him swear an affidavit and is supposed to attach it to the Notice of Motion. It was incomplete. Again...how does this work. This VICTIM (my ex) harasses me to the point of breaking the very law he is trying to enforce and i have no rights. It's not enough I have been stalked, threatened, he has used my son to steal from me and to serve me support orders as a witness at 13 years of age but I have no rights as my son's mother. I haven't had any parental time with my son in 3 years cuz daddy's dark life is so attractive, he can buy harleys (he has two), take holidays, lie and decieve my son, his family, the law and the courts and somehow I am the bad person in all of this.
Thanks for listening....just needed to get it off my chest.
14 - Helene
Wow! Which state are you in? I'm shocked that they won't let you reschedule, especially given that you are the primary bread winner (I assume.) I'd also be shocked if your ex weren't required to produce his tax returns and more information about the expenses and his receipts. Stay strong and best of luck to you!
15 - Broken hearted mom
I am from Canada. He is supposed to provide his tax returns but has refused up to this point (last 3 years). yet still wants more money and to be reimbursed for Section 7 expenses (which he also refuses to provide receipts for). How can one even review information to determine what their proportionate share might be if they aren't provided the finances of the other and the receipts to prove something was bought? He doesn't get or doesn't want to acknowledge this. It's much easier to suggest I "don't love my son because I don't pay more money to him or what I am supposed to for Section 7 expenses". Unfortuntately for him - I have everything documented and am about 20 steps ahead of him.
It just continues to surprise me that the very person who breaks the order can go ahead and serve me papers like he is some sort of victim in all of this (so not the case). I
know he is just bitter and in my opinion, this won't ever end till he gets what he feels he is owed....which....is money. Last time we went to a DRO - 3 yrs ago, for the same thing - he didn't bring any financial documents so nothing could be discussed. I imagine it will be the same this time around. He actually made the comment in an e-mail that he was going to bring the last 3 years of e-mails between us. I suggested he bring his last 3 years of taxes and assessments so that we could actually discuss what he wanted to discuss (which he also refused to tell me).
That too amazes me in that he could book an appointment without my consent (especially given that it falls prior to the timeline of me having to provide him with my tax return ????).
He will act like a victim again which is hard to believe that the biker who is 280lbs, fu manchu, tatoos, bald headed, who used to be a debt collector and is still very much associated with bike clubs, would want to be perceived as a victim ? I guess that's the world he feels comfortable in. Always a victim and it's always somebody elses fault.
This is the reason we couldn't make it together, we could never resolve any issues as he wouldn't ever finish a conversation (he would constantly switching the topic because he didn't know how to talk or listen, or didn't like the answer).
Oh well....this too shall pass. At first I was really upset by all of this. Strange that after 6 years of being apart, he still has that ability to affect me by his stupidity. I know there is no merit in what he is suggesting, but it still astounds me that the very person who breaks the law (steals, lies, cheats the system ) can use it to get what he feels he deserves. Just goes to show, the justice system is not there for justice, it's a set of rules that work for the criminals but not for the people who live honestly and work hard.
I will let you know what happens the first week of Feb.
Thanks for listening and your support.
16 - Jason
Isn't there a court you can go to instead of a mediator? You are getting jerked around by him on his playing field. Step up and take this where it needs to go. It is hardball. Be proactive, quit being the victim and the follower.
17 - Morpheous
You can only be controlled if you let him.
18 - Dorpheous
Get a lawyer and go to court. It sounds like you haven't done this.
19 - Dorpheous
As a coworker says, "Bitch up". Get strong and fight.
20 - Broken hearted mom
Hey everyone. Thanks for your comments and I can see why you might think that I haven't done anything in the past but I have been thru 3 years of court (2003, 04 & 05)- 4 different lawyers and spent over 50,000 on mediators, psychologists and lawyers to get the divorce done, establish child access (son will be 17 in Feb) and child support.
He didn't stand by what he agreed to with any of those documents.
His dad is very manipulative (i feared this would happen when I reluctantly agreed to let my son go live with his dad) My son has been used and manipulated by my ex and there isn't much I can do about it. I have asked the professionals and told my son will grow up and get it one day.
I have contacted a lawyer again to draft up the documents in response to service so I can put this to rest however I know it's not the end of it. My ex wants more money from me and he won't get everything he wants from me so we will go thru this again.
Hopefuly the lawyer can put some language in my response to cover off any future discussions about this.
21 - Jason
Isn't there remedies through the courts when he doesn't hold up his end? I know in the US there is.
"He didn't stand by what he agreed to with any of those documents."
22 - Broken hearted mom
The immediate remedy is to take him to court.
You would think the courts would double check paperwork before it's filed but he recently served me again (this time to amend the support order and S7 splits). He swore an affidavit that he included his entire tax return but he didn't. he included nothing that disclosed his Line 150 which is what S7 proportionate amounts are determined by? Apparently it's not the court clerks job to double check the information is there, it's there job to ensure the affidavit swearing he included the information is signed.
Nobody does anything and I bet he will claim "he didn't know he had to do that" - again always the victim....yet here we are still having to go to court.
To my knowledge, there is no remedy for this scenario except to point it out in an affidavit which I will now have to file to respond to his and hire a lawyer to draft it. I will also have to mention it to the judge in Feb.
I get so tired of the fighting. He has manipulated and spoon fed my son so much crap resulting in minimal visitation (2-4 times a year for dinner) and now that my son will be 17 the damage over the last 3 years probably won't be undone till he's 27, has his own kids and realizez what's been going on.
In the meantime my son loses out on a relationship with his mom who loves him so much and misses him and my heart is broken. With every new day that there isn't any contact, the pain gets less but so do my feelings. They are tucked away in a box somewhere in the depths of my body. I don't even know where they are anymore. It's easier to block them out than deal with them.
Okay, I am done my sappy time now.
23 - Broken hearted mom
Had court today. Ex didn't get everything he wanted but he got enough that I am sure this won't be the end of it. It's like he's a vampire and once you have that taste for blood, you want more. He is a user and a taker and he won't stop until he feels he has milked me dry. It's all he can do now to get to me.
He arrived with no lawyer and asked the Duty council to represent him last minute. I am getting stuck with having my lawyer whom I paid $300 an hour for, redo the consent order for support. How does that happen that you do the right thing in hiring a lawyer to represent you...not your ex. And now have to pay your lawyer to draft up the consent order your ex took you to court for? All because he comes unrepresented. I absolutely am frustrated with this thing we call a legal system.
I work 3 jobs to survive and pay bills so that I can take a holiday or buy clothes for myself and don't have to live off of soup. My ex is driving around in a brand new 2008 F150 all tricked out with Chrome, my son is working two jobs to pay my ex for his old truck ($8000) and a lawn mtc company that i helped build (for $3000). My son drives a newer vehicle than me and apparently is entitled to a gym membership and weights (which I was directed to pay 25% for). I still don't get to see my son, I can't afford a gym membership or weights for myself (I do it the old fashioned way of running outside) and all because my ex claims this supports my son's interest in football? Meanwhile my support will double (from 400 a month to $700) and get to pay 25% of all the weights, gym memberships and other ridiculous expenses he rolled up into a "Sporting Equipment and Nutrition" category.
This will probably be my last entry so to all you out there who are frustrated with the legal system....I cannot tell you that it pays to be honest, do the right thing or be fair. It sure doesn't seem fair to me. When it comes to those who will lie, cheat and do whatever it takes to get their way, the law is not there to support the ones who follow it, it's there to provide a forum for those who look to abuse it and take advantage of it.
The only ones who win are the lawyers - I have lost my son and I can never be reimbursed for what my ex has done to my son or the relationship that has been lost. Guess it's more important that they have memberships to work out than to work out relationships.
Take care everyone.
24 - Lea
I stumbled across this page and wanted to share my story..if you don't mind? I got pregnant when I was 18, had my son at 19. I was SO young and dumb, but I thought I was in love. I wasn't in love, we fought every single day, but at the same time..we needed each other. Well, we ended up getting married when I was 21. With the pressure from family saying we needed to be married because we have a child and me thinking it wouldn't hurt, because we had been together and living together for so many years. I knew we wouldn't be together forever. I took care of my son, my ex worked, slept, and treated me like crap. He came first..we came last. On my son's 4th birthday, my ex sent me an email telling me he wanted a divorce and that we (my son and I) were a distraction..he wanted to go to school and do what he wanted. It hurt, but I let him go. I let him take everything, except my son (we were going to share custody), my cat, and my car..everything else meant nothing to me. I was 23 and alone, but I got myself together and took care of my son alone. My ex saw that I was doing good and put me in a trap. All the sudden, when I was getting over him, he came back into my life. I decided to give him another chance..big mistake. We tried for three months and then on Christmas, he told me he needed a break and that we would spend the day after Christmas together. I was furious and ended the relationship once and for all. You don't take a break from your family..especially on Christmas!! We got along for my son, but kept it at that. The man my ex was staying with was molesting my son and I found out. Went through DFS and a private detective. The man refused a polygraph and hid from all the protective orders I got to keep him away from my son..hiding so he wouldn't get served papers I mean. All of the sudden, my ex has a girlfriend he got pregnant and all the sudden he wanted custody of my son. He filed for a divorce (I couldn't afford it, so that was fine.) He wasn't paying me support..I was working on my own. All the sudden he started following me, harassing me on the phone, his girlfriend was harassing me, they were starting to try and push me out of my son's life, because all the sudden he wants to play daddy and make me miserable to get back at me. We were in and out of court for two years..I would tell my lawyer and his about the things he would do..they did nothing. I was scared and alone. The legal system thought it was cute that he got his new girlfriend pregnant while we were married. After two years of fighting and after he destroyed my vehicle so I couldn't get to court or work..I thought my son would be better off with him because he had more money..because they were a family and I was just a mother. I was dumb. I gave him custody, but I got visitations, holidays, vacations, and he was not supposed to make ANY decisions without consulting me first (having to do with our son.) He was still harassing me and following me..threating me. Stood outside my apt screaming my name one night..in a fit of rage. Tried attacking me in court...everyone looked past it. The visitations with my son became only when they needed a babysitter. He would tell me to come meet him somewhere to pick up my son and then not show. I tried calling the police to get my visitations, but they were no help because my ex wouldn't give me his address..so they told me they couldn't do anything. I was allowed to call EVERYDAY before 9..he never answered his phone or told me my son was busy..even on his birthday. In order to make things better for my son..to eliminate fights..I stepped out of his life. My ex is now married to his girlfriend and they have two kids together plus my son. He won't answer my calls, sends cards and letters back, won't let me see my son. Told me he'd give me 1,000 and a plane ticket if I'd get out of his life. Told me he has a new mommy and a new life..that he didn't need me in it. I drive by there house now (I found out where they live) and they keep the curtains closed..I never see my son outside playing. I am behind on my child support..still trying to get things together for me after he ruined my life..while he has two brand new jeeps, a new house, and all kinds of money. I am no longer this childs mother..it's been almost two years since I have even heard his voice. My ex is also letting my son be around the child molestor..still!!!! I don't know what to do. No one wants to hear about the bad things this man has done..they shrug it off. I feel like I have been completely shut out of my son's life. Not to mention, since the divorce and the stress, I have a kidney problem..chronic infections. I am in and out of the hospital for it, but I don't have medical insurance, so I can't get to the problem. All I want is my son..I don't want this fighting. I am now 28. I don't have the money to fight for my son and I don't know that I could handle LOSING again, due to the fact that he makes himself look all proper and good, but they don't know how he really is. This is the short version of the story, but you get my point..
25 - Douglas Mays
Control freaks come in many ways. All of them are sick scum bag maggot f-ing wankers that are actually criminal to a major degree.
My ex-wife and her sociopathic-pathological 'friend' (non-sexual relationship)... See the findings of Sandra Brown and the Dangerous Relationship Institute to explain the dynamic.
So desperate for control and x's attempts to break away (as well as find justice for the years of felony level crimes committed against her by this sickfck) her life is in danger. Finding that he cannot control her because her free will brought her to me in a true evolved love, the sociopathic attack began.
Of course, step one of a sociopath is to project his sickness on to others. He blame me for 'controlling her'. But the maggot faced pile of stinking shit can't face the fact that he can't control her and her free will lets her experience her own life.
It is difficult as I watch the halls of justice be duped by a sociopath. Everyday, I see and hear testimony of horrific crimes being committed. But the law does not get it. I am watching major level, felony crimes committed daily. But the nature of the situation does not allow me to report it.
It won't last long. All the lame attempts at misusing justice as a tool of oppression will fail this sociopath. The x's best friend/x-husband (we still consider ourselves married) is way too sharp to be fooled by such a sick mind. The sociopath has met his match. This puts x's life in danger. "If I can't have her, nobody can" thinks the sociopath.
ANYONE WHO CAN SEE WHAT IS UP, CONTACT ME. A LIFE IS IN DANGER. I HAVE HARD EVIDENCE AND ALL. WAITING TILL MURDER TO HAVE IT ALL MAKE SENSE IS INJUSTICE.
Control freak can go very far. I hate it all. Control freaks must be brought to justice. there are some who understand exactly what I am saying. I am watching crimes against a human committed everyday. I am right now reporting it to someone who will listen. Anyone?
DM