Dear Elsa,
I have had problems in my life since as long as I can remember. My parents died when I was young, I was sexually abused as a child, I never lived in a place for more than two years, and I ran away at 16. However, I remained a fairly happy child through all this.
Now, as an adult, I'm constantly fighting fits of depression or incredible anger. One moment I'm fine, the next I'm blowing up at my husband because he pronounced a word wrong (or something else small like that). I feel like I'm never truly happy and I don't know how it that is, now that I have everything I've wanted for so long (a family and security).
I also have a tendency to pretty much live in the past. I just can't let it go. Is there something wrong with me or is it part of my destiny to suffer?
In Pain
Dear In,
No, I don't think it is your destiny to suffer, I think it's your destiny to heal and beyond that to help others heal. Who better for that than you? With your vast experience of suffering you are uniquely positioned, don't you think? I do. But let me address some of these other things.
Your experience is common for survivors of abuse. That is, it's when you finally get yourself to a place where you have a modicum of security that the shit hits the fan. Prior to this time, you are functioning in some sort of survival mode. Functioning highly too, something you should be proud of. But now it's time to heal.
Think of it like a broken bone. Or in your case, twelve or fourteen broken bones. And at the time they were broken, there was no help available. So what happens?
What happens is they heal all jacked up. And you absolutely will walk around like that for the rest of your life it you do not get treatment. Make sense?
So basically you have to go in and re-break these bones. And that's going to hurt. But once broken, your limbs and various parts can be set with the loving care you deserved the first time around. This time when you heal, it will be for real and for permanent.
Article comments