This column goes out to all those deployed who are clueless about what to ask for in Care Packages. Now, if you're not deployed, support a member of the military by sending them a Care Package.
Now, on to the rules.
1. Don't ask for prohibited items. Are you trying to get your supporter thrown in jail?! If the Feds intercept the box, your supporter will be hunted down, captured, and prosecuted like a cold-blooded killer. Their lives will be ruined. You probably write them and say: "it's ok, don't worry, just put it in a Listerine Bottle." Meanwhile, the poor schmuck is signing his death warrant on the Customs Form at the Post office.
2. Supporters aren't effing mind readers. Supporters aren't going to know what you want unless you tell them, ok, Xavier? Remember when you were five years old? You had no problem with your wish lists when you were sitting on Santa's lap with snot running out of your nose. Instead of saying "Toys" you said "Duh Santa, I want a Daisy Wed Wyder bb gun." You knew then you had to be specific otherwise you got crap under the tree. Do your supporters the same service so you don't have to re-gift your care package at the local bazaar.
3. If you ask for underwear, tell your supporters what kind. Thongs? G-string? Polka dots? Pink? Leopard spotted? You see where I'm going with this? Your supporters will be in a state of panic at the store trying to decide what to buy. Sure, your supporters might get a good laugh by sending you thongs, but if you're in desperate need of underwear and have no alternative but to wear the thongs, you might be in trouble the next time you change in the showers. Someone is going to have a rat-tail fight with a wet towel. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's when someone gets a wet towel, spins it around until it's tight, then snaps it at your bottom causing a painful stinging that leaves a big red welt. I know, but not because I was wearing thongs. Really.
4. Health and Hygeine items. Trust me, be specific. Nothing is more priceless than a male opening a Care Package that has nothing but tampons and Maxi-pads. If you've reached this point, your supporter obviously knows nothing about you and you're to blame. The only thing they got right is the address on the box. Others won't think it's funny, they'll think you're a total moron. And if it gets to this point, yes, you are a total moron.
Article comments
1 - diana hartman
on behalf of the wives, thank you! while my own husband was good about what he did/didn't want/need no matter where he deployed, the younger and less experienced wives in his unit had no idea what to send -- and those vague lists of things their husbands/boyfriends were sending didn't help matters...
technology has done wonders for fulfilling these wish lists, i tell ya...twenty years ago it was unthinkable that i would one day order up a package of goods online and have it sent straight to him (snicker, relatively) without ever buying, packing, and standing in line to send the stuff myself...at least now it's not so disgruntling when a few of those packages end up making the rounds but not making it to him and end up on my doorstep after he came home...
2 - SFC SKI
This is some funny stuff, all the moreso because it is true.
3 - Milblogging.com
Thanks SFC Ski and Diana. Care Packages are a source of endless discussion, and laughter. You can't open a care package some times without laughing. Imagine care packages chock full of tampons, and that's the only box you got for the Holidays, AND, you're male. Could you keep a straight face?
4 - diana hartman
tampons can be toys in the right setting...there's no doubt in my mind yous guys have gotten creative a time or two...if not, think bic lighter and catapult...i'd rather think these packages are getting passed along to those who could use them...
i collect goods for landstuhl and a field hospital in iraq...i'm very strict with those who donate (mostly marine moms) in that i will only send what's on "the list" -- all else gets returned to the sender...
landstuhl isn't in as great a need for goods as they once were but there was a time not long ago when they needed a good many things and a lot of people helped out -- not always appropriately (read: lavender soap flakes, etc)...among other things though, dvds, cds, cd and dvd players came from all over...
i'll be visiting landstuhl before the end of this week as there will be a cake cutting ceremony for the wounded marines to celebrate the 230th Birthday of the Marine Corps...i'll be taking greetings for the marines from those who have sent them to me...if anyone wants to add to those greetings they're welcome to do so through my blog no later than wednesday night (the 9th)...
5 - Milblogging.com
Diana, what's the blog address for everyone?
6 - Temple Stark
This is an Blogcritics editors' pick of the week. Click HERE to find out why.
Also, NEW this week, we are requesting the honor of your very own "best of the week that was" pick for showing an interest and a dedication in your own writing, and as a second thank you for writing well. I will be e-mailing you separately on this as well, but for a little more info read the top of the link above.
Cheers. - Temple, BC Editor / Special Projects Director