If you're really, really nice and well-behaved (and if you've been doing all the things you mentioned above, you definitely qualify) you don't get to go to heaven and live right next to God. Instead, you get to go straight to God and become a part of Him.
No kidding.
You can't get any closer to Him than that, can you? If you really love God and want to be as close to him as possible, then come be a Hindoo. Makes you wonder what Jesus would do, doesn't it? You can bring Jesus along, by the way. We don't discriminate and will put him right up there next to Vishnu. You just need to give up your beef. But don't worry, we'll teach you how to cook soy so that it tastes just the same. We also give you multiple lifelines – if you fuck up this life, you've got another. How’s that for eliminating stress?
Hare Rama Hare Krishna to you, Jesus Spammer.
Yours in faith,
Amrita.
Article comments
1 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
Just an explanatory note for the readers of Blog Critics. The "Jesus Spammer" is the author's name for someone, whom under various names, left long missives with the content referenced above as comments on Desicritics, where Christians are relatively few and Hindus, Moslems, Parsis and Buddhists abound.
2 - Nancy
I sort of surmised that, Ruvy. In any event, this was a charming & funny way to respond, instead of ranting & cursing. VERY enjoyable piece. Kudos, Amrita.
3 - Amrita
Thanks Ruvy, I guess I should have made a note or something at the end.
And thank you, Nancy, for reading. :)
4 - Jaya Sri Krsna
For full and acurate information you may wish to visit www.krishna.ie - God is an individual and loving person and Krsna Consciousness is the oldest spiritual tradition in the world.
5 - Aaman
Now you get Krishna spam, to compensate
6 - Amrita
LOL!!
7 - Scott Butki
Dear Krishna spammer...
:)
This was hilarious. Great job.
You are a very good, funny writer.
I need to go back and read your earlier post about this spammer.
8 - Amrita
@ Scott - Lolz, and thanks!
9 - Scott Butki
I'd never considered blogging to a spammer but I could have fun with that.
Dear penis extender....
10 - olisa
Better late than never, but god that was good!