It seems that people are getting sick of David Blaine's shenanigans. (I know!) The magician/reality stuntman/bat guano crazy dude/attention-starved strumpet — pick your moniker — has done a lot of crazy things, such as lying in a block of ice, a tank of water, and a box of nothing. This past weekend, he hung upside down from a high-rise rope. In a way, he was the original living, breathing, motivational poster. But with fewer whiskers.
The hangin' was followed by a "Dive of Death" in which — spoiler!! — he doesn't actually die. Popwatch's Vanessa Suarez is clueless as to why this is called magic. Agreed. These are just really, really hard-to-do stunts, but no illusions are involved. Now if during his Dive of Death he landed on the eight of spades — which was my card — and a family of rabbits sprung from the sewers singing "Good Morning Starshine," then I'd call it a magic trick. Or if he, y'know, got away with taking hourly breaks during his 60 hours of hanging.
With that in mind, I'd like to share with you a list of David Blaine's potential new tricks, and it's up to YOU! [points dramatically and emphatically through the screen toward your face] to decide whether they're magic tricks or stunts laden with of patience and fortitude. That way he can use more salient judgment in the future as to which ones he picks:
• PROPOSAL NO. 1 — David Blaine stays locked in a hotel room full of ill-tempered badgers for 43 days, exits with a warehouse pallet full of Omaha brand badger steaks.
• PROPOSAL NO. 2 — David Blaine tries to circumnavigate the world in a hot air balloon, only the hot air is comprised of John Madden's farts.
• PROPOSAL NO. 3 — David Blaine rides a carnival Tilt-A-Whirl™ for 28 straight hours, stopping every four hours to dine on a meal of creamed corn and half-and-half.
Article comments
1 - Brad Laidman
Are we that stupid that we would fall for a trickles magician?
Yup
I choose the tilt a whirl
2 - Joanne Huspek
I vote for Proposal 7 and 8.
3 - Phillip Winn
7 seems like the hardest, but 8 is the most appealing for the rest of us.
4 - Bog Trotter
David Blaine Plummet to Certain Death
David Blaine Hanging Upside Down on Fire
David Blaine in a car crusher
David Blaine smiling
David Blaine drowned
David Blaine mauled by Lions
David Blaine stops being quite so creepy (sex pest creepy, not Scooby-doo creepy)
David Blaine the Human C4 Bomb
David Blaine watches TV for a bit...then gets up to go to the toilet and have a snack
David Blaine finds the card you picked
David Blaine in the CERN LHD
David Blaine on viagra and poppers in a nunnery
David Blaine cryogenically frozen - forever
David Blaine going over Niagara Falls on a lilo
David Blaine doing something worthwhile
David Blaine the Firing Range Target
David Blaine goes back in time and goes out partying instead of being alone in his room learning crappy card tricks.
David Blaine pulls a rabbit from a hat
David Blaine Handcuffed to the Train Track
David Blaine the Human Cannonball
David Blaine the human...
David Blaine releases a dove from a handkerchief
David Blaine in an Airtight Box Over Hyde Park
David Blaine blasted into deep space
David Blaine Naked in a Blast Freezer
David Blaine Inside a nuclear reactor core
David Blaine gets a life and finds a nice girl
David Blaine under 100 tones of Readymix concrete
David Blaine re-enacts the final scene in The Hitcher
David Blaine takes a massive LSD overdose somewhere reaallly busy
5 - Matthew T. Sussman
You've ... wow.
6 - Jordan Richardson
David Blaine's finest illusion has something to do with Sarah Palin and the fact that he is her. I'm not giving away the ending, though.
7 - A Magician Named GOB
I'm all for the tilt-a-whirl, though I think the food should be raw eggs and castor oil.
8 - A Magician Named GOB
That's quite a list - what will he have left to do after that? Cut a crappy rap album and bomb a few movies, I guess.
9 - mary
who do u think he's kinda hoT ,yeah?
10 - Phillip Winn
Mary (#9), no.