My own ritual is not so different. I set to write every day, and I do. The result may not always be what I intend or may not always be “good” but it is an effort and it is an exercise and it is how we grow as writers. You can’t just go around calling yourself a writer and not go about it with discipline. A true writer writes every day, regardless of feeling or “block.” You push through that and you quick whining and you just do.
But then what? What am I to do now with the rest of the day? I have a good job working for a newswire and I also do that, but here again, I work from home and miss the one on one relationships of the office. And although I never was a big fan of American corporate culture as it is (too sharky and politicky), I was fortunate to work with people who were mostly foreign, as I am, and others who were American who were deeply committed to the job and the task at hand and had little time for politicking. In sad fact, the only person who seemed interested in this nonsense was from my Europe and was an embarrassment to me, to my land, to a country I love, and frankly, to humanity in general. This was a deeply unhappy and dissatisfied person who felt threat around talent, instead of excitement. Someone who instead of seeing a chance to grow, saw an opportunity to squash and squelch and kill off any one or any thing that he perceived as a threat, and though I’m not that smart, apparently I was such a threat and he made it his business to make my life as miserable as possible.
I’ll tell you now, the only people who do this are people who have no lives of their own and who are so deeply insecure that they simply cannot function with another smart, or, god help us, perhaps even smarter, person in the room.
This is truly sad, and it leaves those of us who are not willing to play politics in a rather unfortunate position because we will simply walk away from the fight instead of going for the carotid every time. That said, should I ever have the chance again, I believe I will do what needs to be done, after all, it was I who scored surprisingly high on the Mach test in college, and what use is that if I don’t put it to some use – though one hates to stoop there are times in your life when backing down is not in your best interest and one must learn how to “play the game.” Sad that life is a game of that kind, sad that we can’t all be brilliant together and just do our work, but that is life, or so I’ve seen and it is sad and pathetic and the worst side of humanity but there you have it. That part of my ritual, the daily assault of this miserable troll, is not something I miss. But the rest I do miss and I miss it deeply.
Article comments
1 - Claire
Sadi :) What a beautiful glimpse into your world, your experience, your feelings, your heart. Although prose, it reads like poetry.
I have seen first hand the result of your accomplishments and am awed. Girl, your page is full already :)
Your description of "writers" gave me chill bumps because I recognized myself in it.
I loved your letter, as I love most everything you write.
Claire
2 - Eric Olsen
Sadi, being left to our own devices can feel like working the trapeze without a net, but ultimately we make our own structure even when we just accept what is imposed from without.
As always, your honesty and willingness to expose your inner workings and processes to a world that doesn't necessarily give a shit is powerful, brave and exceptional. Thanks!
3 - sadi
hi E - true enough about the world not giving a shit. that much is certainly true -- but as ever, thanks for reading this piece; it comes from the heart and is true and always, always, i like to think that someone out there can identify with this and perhaps that helps a bit. feeling connected to others is a big part of daily life and without that, we, or i, tend to become very hermetic and sort of up on the mountain like an acestic hermit. Not good unless you want to pursue, or have the time to pursue the Taoist route.
Sadly, i do not have that time just now -- so yes, i make my own structure. Now that i have an operating system again i think it will be much easier (!).
Rock on...
Sade
4 - sadi
well, Claire, good to hear from you! Thanks for your comments - i'm glad this touched you. I wrote this this morning and needed to just get this out -- i'm glad it touched you and that my original intent was met. That means everything.
Cheers,
Sade
5 - Mark Saleski
nice.
this reminds me of why i get sucked into reading modern memoirs.
really good ones can distill down a person's life/thoughts in much the same way a good poem can 'freeze' an idea.
6 - sadi
thanks for reading, Mark. And thanks as ever for commenting... I too love modern memoirs, though i haven't read a good one lately. Any recommendations?
Would be grateful. Since May Sarton died, i haven't seen anything i like...
cheers,
sade
7 - Mark Saleski
the one's i've read recently have tended to be on the less serious side of things.
like jim knipfel's Ruining It For Everybody.
i just unpacked (most of) my books at home after our move. i'll check the shelves tonight and get back to ya.
8 - sadi
that would be great -- thanks Mark... i need a good read. some new stuff.
be well, and again, thanks
srp
9 - Mark Saleski
a few that come to mind are:
A Place Of My Own - Michel Pollan
Reading Lolita In Tehran
hmmm, i feel a post coming on!
10 - sadi
sounds good and i like Michael Pollan so what the hey -- and reading lolita in tehran sounds good, is that Pollan? no... who is that? let me know. I did read Sedaris also, who i liked enough but didn't move me at all. I liked Alix Kates Schulman Drinking the Rain, though that was a long time ago that i read that one...
thx. m...
sade
11 - Mark Saleski
the Pollan book is interesting because it's about his (sucessful) attempt at building his own writer's cabin. i'm not all that keen on building stuff but having my own writer's cabin goes beyond fantasy.
the Lolita book is by Azar Nafisi. a very interesting (if somewhat depressing) read.
12 - sadi
both sound interesting. best book on building is outermost house by henry beston. if you haven't read that, absolutely buy it today. best book i've read fullstop. so check it out.
thx. again - m
all best
sade
13 - theflame
hello there,
read ur stuff just now as i was surfing something else in google n accidently bumped into this....
good and bold and unapologetic....
keep it up.
14 - sadi
dear flame; is this bold? i'm not sure. but am grateful for the comment; i rarely see myself as a bold or brave person, though god knows i do try and get points for that. i think at the end of the day, the bravest thing of all is to know who you really are and be able to admit that to yourself. to say what you are and what you are not, then try to be whatever it is you strive to be... if you can do that, then you have succeeded;or at least, that's my philosophy and works for me.
these days, the bravest thing that i do is i get up and i face every day just like anyone, i suppose, but i face days of great uncertainty in very many areas at the moment, professionally, personally, etc. -- and those times are always hard for everyone, i think. uncertainty is the hardest thing of all. Learning to not judge it as good or bad, but just as a thing that is something we all have to face is the trick. If you can do that, then you can have a happier life with much less struggle. Why struggle against a thing you cannot change? Focus on what you can change, go about affecting that and offering the best you have to other people; in short, do good deeds, be a good person, and be careful among the english as the Amish say.
that's what counts the most, and that's what i try to do every single day of my life. i'm really glad you found this, and i am even more grateful for your comments and everyones because they give me a reason and mostly, i'm grateful to Eric, love, who gives us such a great forum, and particularly puts up with my whinings and philosophical off-topic meanderings every time and is ever-supportive and a brave soul himself.
cheers, and i do hope i keep writing stuff you want to read.
sadi