I know that because I am epileptic, I have a thing about ritual. I’ve read countless books that talk about epilepsy and the artistic temperament and how those of us with TLE are so bound up in ritual that it can be paralyzing and if we’re not careful turn into a compulsion. This much is true. I know that if I take a nap, I can get under the top blanket only; that it is not proper to get under all of the sheets because it is just a nap. I know that the teabag must go in before the water or else it has to be started again. I know that I must always put on my left shoe first, I know that if I turn to the left, I must turn back around to the right for fear of being “wound up” as I call it. These things are compulsive, and not ritual, but in some way, they have become ritual to me.
I find these formless days without the backbone of a steady job slightly disconcerting. I wake up, and yes, face the blank page and try to do my bit and make an effort, and though I may fail, I do every day try. A friend once wrote a book called “Twenty Lines a Day” (author Harry Mathews). It was his firm belief that every writer should write at least twenty lines a day regardless of all other commitment t or desire. And so, Harry took a legal, yellow notebook and for however long, perhaps a year or six months, he wrote twenty or more lines a day about whatever came into his mind. The result was a gem of a book that is still popular today. It is not a book about how to write, it is a book of writing. A book that contains whatever was in his mind on any given morning; the view of plane trees from his Paris apartment; the dinner he had the night before; a memory of a friend. Whatever it was, the result was brilliant and was quickly published and became a good book for any writer to read, though frankly, in my view, not enough writers have read it; I highly recommend it. It is not like Annie Lamott’s Bird by Bird, also a good book but not the same thing. One is of writing, the other is writing. It is a writer showing us what to do by doing it. And, Harry being Harry, it contains inherent in the title, the ritual of sitting down every morning with a sharpened pencil, a legal yellow pad, a cup of coffee and a blank sheet of paper. This was his ritual and it has made him one of the most successful writers of our time.
Article comments
1 - Claire
Sadi :) What a beautiful glimpse into your world, your experience, your feelings, your heart. Although prose, it reads like poetry.
I have seen first hand the result of your accomplishments and am awed. Girl, your page is full already :)
Your description of "writers" gave me chill bumps because I recognized myself in it.
I loved your letter, as I love most everything you write.
Claire
2 - Eric Olsen
Sadi, being left to our own devices can feel like working the trapeze without a net, but ultimately we make our own structure even when we just accept what is imposed from without.
As always, your honesty and willingness to expose your inner workings and processes to a world that doesn't necessarily give a shit is powerful, brave and exceptional. Thanks!
3 - sadi
hi E - true enough about the world not giving a shit. that much is certainly true -- but as ever, thanks for reading this piece; it comes from the heart and is true and always, always, i like to think that someone out there can identify with this and perhaps that helps a bit. feeling connected to others is a big part of daily life and without that, we, or i, tend to become very hermetic and sort of up on the mountain like an acestic hermit. Not good unless you want to pursue, or have the time to pursue the Taoist route.
Sadly, i do not have that time just now -- so yes, i make my own structure. Now that i have an operating system again i think it will be much easier (!).
Rock on...
Sade
4 - sadi
well, Claire, good to hear from you! Thanks for your comments - i'm glad this touched you. I wrote this this morning and needed to just get this out -- i'm glad it touched you and that my original intent was met. That means everything.
Cheers,
Sade
5 - Mark Saleski
nice.
this reminds me of why i get sucked into reading modern memoirs.
really good ones can distill down a person's life/thoughts in much the same way a good poem can 'freeze' an idea.
6 - sadi
thanks for reading, Mark. And thanks as ever for commenting... I too love modern memoirs, though i haven't read a good one lately. Any recommendations?
Would be grateful. Since May Sarton died, i haven't seen anything i like...
cheers,
sade
7 - Mark Saleski
the one's i've read recently have tended to be on the less serious side of things.
like jim knipfel's Ruining It For Everybody.
i just unpacked (most of) my books at home after our move. i'll check the shelves tonight and get back to ya.
8 - sadi
that would be great -- thanks Mark... i need a good read. some new stuff.
be well, and again, thanks
srp
9 - Mark Saleski
a few that come to mind are:
A Place Of My Own - Michel Pollan
Reading Lolita In Tehran
hmmm, i feel a post coming on!
10 - sadi
sounds good and i like Michael Pollan so what the hey -- and reading lolita in tehran sounds good, is that Pollan? no... who is that? let me know. I did read Sedaris also, who i liked enough but didn't move me at all. I liked Alix Kates Schulman Drinking the Rain, though that was a long time ago that i read that one...
thx. m...
sade
11 - Mark Saleski
the Pollan book is interesting because it's about his (sucessful) attempt at building his own writer's cabin. i'm not all that keen on building stuff but having my own writer's cabin goes beyond fantasy.
the Lolita book is by Azar Nafisi. a very interesting (if somewhat depressing) read.
12 - sadi
both sound interesting. best book on building is outermost house by henry beston. if you haven't read that, absolutely buy it today. best book i've read fullstop. so check it out.
thx. again - m
all best
sade
13 - theflame
hello there,
read ur stuff just now as i was surfing something else in google n accidently bumped into this....
good and bold and unapologetic....
keep it up.
14 - sadi
dear flame; is this bold? i'm not sure. but am grateful for the comment; i rarely see myself as a bold or brave person, though god knows i do try and get points for that. i think at the end of the day, the bravest thing of all is to know who you really are and be able to admit that to yourself. to say what you are and what you are not, then try to be whatever it is you strive to be... if you can do that, then you have succeeded;or at least, that's my philosophy and works for me.
these days, the bravest thing that i do is i get up and i face every day just like anyone, i suppose, but i face days of great uncertainty in very many areas at the moment, professionally, personally, etc. -- and those times are always hard for everyone, i think. uncertainty is the hardest thing of all. Learning to not judge it as good or bad, but just as a thing that is something we all have to face is the trick. If you can do that, then you can have a happier life with much less struggle. Why struggle against a thing you cannot change? Focus on what you can change, go about affecting that and offering the best you have to other people; in short, do good deeds, be a good person, and be careful among the english as the Amish say.
that's what counts the most, and that's what i try to do every single day of my life. i'm really glad you found this, and i am even more grateful for your comments and everyones because they give me a reason and mostly, i'm grateful to Eric, love, who gives us such a great forum, and particularly puts up with my whinings and philosophical off-topic meanderings every time and is ever-supportive and a brave soul himself.
cheers, and i do hope i keep writing stuff you want to read.
sadi