“Oh – and don’t forget to get the tampons, too. You need both.”
I honestly don’t know why they need both, but for some reason they do. We pick up a couple of other items, since we are at the grocery store, before making our way to the register. Now, only a truly experienced man of the world such as I can boldly approach the cash register with feminine hygiene products and not show the least bit of self-consciousness or humiliation. I do not flinch.
I get in line and glare at the shoppers around me. “What the hell are you looking at?” I am focused, determined. I am the proud father of a beautiful young teenage girl!
I imagine the women standing in the lines nearby, watching me as I confidently pull out the Always package from my shopping basket and casually toss it on to the moving belt.
“Awww, look at this, Sheila!” one would whisper to the other. “He’s buying pads together with his daughter! I've never seen anything like this before!”
“What a fantastic father!” the friend replies, as the virility of her own husband diminishes in her eyes.
“Not just fantastic,” I reply to my imaginary admirers. “I am Dadtastic!”
The cashier rings us up. Batteries (bleep!). Light bulbs (bleep!). Snickers (bleep!). Maxipads (bleep!). Tampons (bleep!). Sixteen thirty two? Here ya go. It’s just another trip to the grocery store for me, ladies.