The thing I worry about most as a parent of teenagers is that I am no longer sure if we still have a relationship. Sure, I’m still their dad, but it has become so much more awkward and difficult to just simply talk with my girls. The other day I noticed that the bulk of our conversations are more like one-sided commands: “Clean your room.” “Get your homework done.” “Finish the laundry!” “Feed the dog!” Or, when you are in a gentler and more patient frame of mind, they are posed as questions: “Did you feed the dog yet?” “Have you finished your homework?” “How many times have I told you, no texting or computer until you’ve finished your homework!” “How in God’s name can you leave a wet towel on the floor every single morning no matter how many times I tell you to hang them up in the bathroom?!” Things can get out of hand quickly, because these commands must be repeated several times daily, or else the tiny speck of order and discipline we think we have will implode like a black hole. We just want them to learn to take on a few responsibilities, right?
The sad truth is that our teenage children generally don’t want to talk to us anyway. When I make an attempt to take an interest in my daughters’ lives, asking a few innocent questions about what’s going on in their world at school or with friends, what I mostly get is rolling of eyes, a deep sigh, and a snap back with a one-word answer, like they are too bothered to spend the energy it takes to respond. That’s probably the biggest disappointment in raising teenagers: they don’t want to talk to us anymore. We are no longer relevant to their lives. We are not cool. They don’t need us anymore.
It hurts sometimes.
But despite those dark moments of doubt that have overshadowed my fathering abilities, thank God, at least my wife is there to reassure me. I hope she’s right. And to my girls’ credit, they at least will write some very thoughtful notes in the cards they get me for birthdays and Father's Day, telling me how much they love me, and how wonderful they think I am. Well, I guess it is true that I do spend a fair amount of time carting them around, if that means anything. And Lilly will still let me scratch her head when she goes to bed sometimes. We all enjoy watching an episode of The Simpsons together occasionally. And we can still get to laughing real hard from time to time when I do those stupid tricks with the dog.
Article comments
1 - The Crow
I enjoyed your article.
2 - Irene Wagner
Somebody's just set the bar pretty high for his future son-in-law.
And that's just how it's supposed to be. :)
Happy Father's Day.