Part One.
Once there was a man who couldn't see his feet. For years he longed to see them again. He could hear them so he knew they were there.
He tried everything. He cut out alcohol, lost a little but gained it back elsewhere; cut back on fat, ate more salad, exercised consistently off and on, cut out candy, ate only fruit, then only meat.
Everything worked, but only in his imagination. Then one horrible day the fat man and his wife had a big fat fight, and the fat man exiled himself to a faraway land to sulk, living in an attic over a garage with no heat or plumbing so his wife, who was skinny, would feel real real bad.
It was a dramatic time of the man's life. After many years of wanting to tell the whole world to go to hell, he was finally getting around to doing it. He began a novel, learned how to make do without plumbing, discovered that a rabbit hat with flaps makes a big difference when you can see your breath inside for longer than two weeks, and that it's possible to write fiction on a computer wearing gloves, but not mittens.
When the man got the flu and couldn't get out of his blankets on the floor to get water or answer the phone, his wife broke into his hideaway, carried his fat ass down the stairs and took him to the hospital where he was revived from dehydration and sent home. Even then he was still too fat.
He returned to his hideaway where his novel was screaming, "Write me!" and he did. He got a better heater and typed through spring and into summer, 6,000 words at a sitting with a 40-minute nap between, then back on it. His phone never rang because he never answered it anyway. Things got done.
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Article comments
1 - Jim Carruthers
The only thing which sticks to my ribs is oatmeal. Yum.
Y'know if fat people ate more oatmeal, and went for a walk everyday, perhaps, their fat asses wouldn't be so fat.
2 - Tom Johnson
Another great way to lose weight is to have gallstones (for which my gallbladder will be removed in about 10 days,) which force you to skip any meal that has any significant fat in it - and I'm talking about skipping anything with more than, say, 6-8 grams of fat. Of course, I have problems with my gallstones because I lost about 45 pounds in about 5 months last year, which can cause severe gallstone pain (and I'm talking SEVERE - like thinking you're having a heart attack) . . . but if you eat enough super-fatty food to begin with you too can get them!
Since I found out a few weeks back, I've dropped about 7 pounds, simply by not eating fat. Sure, it's torture, but aren't most diets anyway?!
3 - CW Fisher
My diet is not torture as you will see when I write Part Two. Torture is a gall attack, but that will be taken care of shortly. My wife just had it done. Instant relief and minor recovery with laproscopic surgery, which I hope you;re having. Good luck.
4 - jadester
or maybe if fat people ate more fruit and veg instead of chocolate and fried food and takeaway. It's a sweeping generalisation, but in my experience the very noticably overweight (or worse) eat far too much junk food. I know i do, and i'm pretty sure i'm not even overweight (i don't have scales here though so i won't know for about a week)
5 - Eric Olsen
Eat less, exercise more.