Check this out, dear reader, and, just to augment your understandable sense of disbelief, this as well.
We all know New Yorkers are among the most neurotic people on the planet - witness Woody Allen, who turned neuroticism into an art form - but hell ... cuddle parties? I don't know whether to laugh uproariously or puke.
Apparently, the hectic, frenzied atmosphere of the big city leaves one feeling depressed and isolated, so 36-year-old Mr. REiD MiHALKO, who spells his name with the capital letters and lowercase i’s on purpose and reportedly looks like a surfer-dude, has opened his plush apartment up to all of those who need intimate contact for the price of $30 per session. Participants must wear pajamas at all times and no sexual contact is allowed, though kissing, nuzzling and even spooning are permissible. How metrosexual.
"If you work in corporate America and you're not in a relationship and don't have kids or a pet, it's not like you're going home to spoon your roommate," says MiHALKO.
Call me a skeptic - in fact, call me a big-time skeptic - but this would appear to go against the grain of human nature - at least human nature as it exists in the Western world. If we were really interested in cuddles, then what the hell was the handshake invented for?
Just where does the impulse to cuddle come from anyway? People are seriously annoying. My therapy, when I'm feeling blue, is sitting in the easy-chair with a bottle of strong red wine and being left alone. For me, people, and people alone, are the source of any misery I'm feeling. So, somehow, the concept of spending three hours on a Sunday spooning complete strangers would not only appear perverse, but contradictory.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Chris Kent
To me, a Cuddle Party is just one step away from an orgy, and I want nothing to do.........well, on second thought....
2 - Rodney Welch
Mark, you sound like a person who spends 99 percent of his free time telling himself how much he enjoys being alone. The parties you describe sound like good stupid fun; you yourself sound about as lively as a jar of mayonnaise.
3 - Mark Edward Manning
Chris Kent: "To me, a Cuddle Party is just one step away from an orgy ..."
Well, apparently, they have "Cuddle Lifeguards," who enforce the no-sex rule, and thus prevent the cuddlefests from turning into an orgy. What's really interesting is how they describe erections as just a normal happenstance and that it doesn't necessarily imply anything sexual. It's a fascinating website, makes for some really fun, if risible, reading.
4 - Mark Edward Manning
Rodney Welch: "[Y]ou sound like a person who spends 99 percent of his free time telling himself how much he enjoys being alone."
Rodney, with all due respect, I don't tell myself I like being alone. There's simply no need; I don't need to be convinced. I do enjoy being alone. I value my free time immensely. Each to his own. Engage in "good stupid fun" all you like ... it's no-one's business to stop you from doing so, just ain't my cup of tea, which I think my entry makes pretty clear.
5 - Tom Johnson
Okay, that's just creepy. I don't want random people accidently bumping into me at the store. Why would I ever, ever pay to have someone I don't know snuggle with me? The people who get into this are probably the same types who got into birth-trauma therapy, or those weird (adult) fetishes for acting like babies and wearing diapers. Equally creepy.
6 - Rodney Welch
Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that.
7 - visualsimplicity
Endless Summer Spooning Special: Bring a friend and only pay $20 each! Save $20 and cuddle with a friend too!
If you had a friend to cuddle with, why would you need to go to a cuddle party?
8 - Mark Edward Manning
Rodney Welch: "Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that."
Rodney, why does my total lack of desire to be hugged or cuddled by strangers concern you so much? Eh? Inquiring minds want to know.
9 - Mark Edward Manning
Tom Johnson: "The people who get into this are probably the same types who got into birth-trauma therapy, or those weird (adult) fetishes for acting like babies and wearing diapers."
Exactly my point! A lot of whacky California-type, New Age garbage ... I'm surprised these cuddle parties are based in New York.
10 - Chris Kent
How does one become a "Cuddle Lifeguard?" Is there some kind of class one can take? Do you receive a license? And when the "Cuddle Lifeguard" falls asleep on the job, is that when the orgy breaks out?
11 - Rodney Welch
Rodney, why does my total lack of desire to be hugged or cuddled by strangers concern you so much? Eh? Inquiring minds want to know.
Probably for the exact same reason cuddle parties obsess you. Cuddle parties are weird, but your horror and distaste for them strikes me as weirder.
Granted, I know where you're coming from -- I only attend churches, for example, that are cold and indifferent to visitors, and I back out from any activity (spiritual or otherwise) that involves enforced hand-holding with strangers (particularly men). But the kind of parties you describe sound a good deal more enticing and interesting, and they certainly give the dirty mind a lot on which to feed. For that, you have my gratitude.
12 - Eric Olsen
I think a few basic facts should be brought up here: all humans need physical human contact. Babies that aren't held die, it's just a fact. There are al kinds of psychological, emotional and physical benefits from the human touch. Think about massage as just one example. Hugs are very therapeutic.
That, coupled with the logical statement made by the ding dong running this operation about single adults caught up in careers in the Big Bad city not having access to non-sexual human contact, make this seem like quite a good idea, actually.
The people running this particular operation may be knuckleheads, but the idea is sound as far as I'm concerned. I would think anyone who has been lonely, with no one in particular to turn to, would be able to relate to this and see it as a valuable service.
13 - Mark Saleski
Cuddle party at Eric & Dawn's place!!!
14 - Corinna Hasofferett
Eric, with the basic facts you're right.
Yet to pay for physical contact seems to me like bringing your car for periodical check-up, something taken out from the Brave New World mono-culture.
Calls for a Back to Nature Movement, before it's too late...
15 - Mark Edward Manning
This is getting juvenile, I realize, but you just know that someday, during one of these cuddle sessions or "puppy piles," some flatulent bastard is going to cut one mean mother, and then -- believe you me -- all assembled will witness true human nature in all its glory. The whole facade of MiHALKO's lovefests will crumble. Heh, and what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall during such an episode.
16 - Eric Olsen
I would guess they justify the charge for "administrative costs" or something like that
17 - Mark Hasty
Just for the record, you can roll around in my backyard for $10. Not with me, of course, but hey, you probably wouldn't want to . . .
18 - Chris Kent
Everyone is taking this thread WAYYYYYY too seriously. Lighten up widgets. FACT: "Cuddle Parties" are about the stupidest things I've ever heard of. Mark is exactly right with his post.
Eric, like Phillip, you have a great talent for stating the utterly obvious.
Anyone who has a girlfriend or boyfriend knows full well that life is NOT entirely about physical sex and orgies. There are afternoon moments in which one reclines on the couch or bed and simply cuddles. All humans have a need for this. But to pay for such interaction with a complete stranger is barely a step above prostitution. It is pathetic in its desperation. Get out, meet a friend, make friends, renew old acquaintances, hug your child, hug your mom, hug your dad, go watch Steel Magnolias, but do not EVER, and I mean EVERRRRR go to some dimwit's apartment and pay to cuddle with complete strangers. You will step into the abyss never to return.......
19 - Rodney Welch
Maybe it's the kind of thing you should do and regret rather than not do and wonder if you should have. It seems pretty harmless to me, considering there's no exchange of fluids.
20 - Eric Olsen
bad mood Chris? Your imperiousness in this comment makes me physically ill
21 - Mark Edward Manning
I think if you want to do this sort of thing, go for it. Chris takes the same position I do; we'd never do it if you PAID us $30. Even if I didn't have a loving wife, and could get cuddles any time I might want them (which isn't often, as I'm not a cuddly, huggy person), and even if I was lonely as all-get out, I would never attend a cuddle party. No way, no how.
Eric, I understand what you've said about some people seeing this as a valuable service, and I do wish Mr. MiHALKO every success in his rather unique business venture. This is entrepreneurship and I salute it. I never once said, let's ban this sort of thing or compared it to prostitution. People like Rodney Welch can give it a whirl to their heart's content. Just forgive me for laughing my ass off if/when they do.
All I did with this entry is express my own personal distaste for paying for the "pleasure" of cuddling strangers. That is all. Now could we all calm down a bit please? This entry was meant to be amusing.
22 - Eric Olsen
MEM, and that's how I took it: a bit of ranting hyperbole. But when the general consensus continued in the direction of "only fucking retarded pathetic loons would ever consider such a thing, which is the most stupid idea I have ever heard of," I felt compelled to offer the at least theoretical basis of such a thing, utilizing my great talent for stating the utterly obvious.
23 - Rodney Welch
I'm not goung to any cuddle parties anytime soon. I'm just going to continue doing what Mark does: maintain a cool and unapproachable exterior and fantasize about it privately.
24 - boomcrashbaby
if a cuddle party helps someone who has nobody else, emotionally, then what is the problem? It sounds to me the same as a pet psychic or something. I don't believe that someone can really communicate with a dead dog, but if it makes the owner feel better, how is it different than paying 70 bucks a hour for a psychiatrist? Let people do what makes them feel better, as long as no laws are broken.
Some people like to spend their time building models out of toothpicks. Just because I have no interest in it, why would I devote so much time to attacking it? Very telling, indeed. Perhaps what is needed here is a constitutional amendment defining who it is okay to spoon with.
Geez. Live and let live.
25 - Mark Edward Manning
Amazing - simply amazing how an entry that I intended to be humorous ended up inflaming so many people.
Hello, Boom, earth to Boom: Did you even read what I wrote in comment #21? Where exactly have I said that people shouldn't do it? I'm poking fun at it, not -- I say for the second friggin' time -- wanting to ban or criminalize it.
And Rodney, you're really reaching. How far will you stoop to insult me personally before Justene has to get in on the act. Get yourself to NYC and attend one of these things if it means so frigging much to you. I respect your right to do that, so respect my right to not do it. Sorry, Rodney, but your passionate defense of these cuddle soirees leads me to believe that YOU'RE the one fantacising about them.