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All things aside, I might sit in this cubicle until I retire. Or have a heart attack. Or get abducted by aliens. Whatever comes first. It's just commute, work, commute, repent and repeat. But that's the system. We gotta pay the bills and try to live comfortably. Realizing creative psychosis is not an overnight decision. It might take years in the work world to truly know that fulfillment won't come through wishes, dreams, adherence to a self-help system, or even through hard work. While we know it's always coming, opportunity has no set schedule.
The imagination that we fall in love with as children is the same one that has lets us down. I know I'm not afraid to admit it. People try to sugarcoat, to deny their failures, when there's more knowledge in such than any record contract or book advance you could ever get. If my creative life continues like it has for another thirty years, then I'll have an ego that looks like an old country screen door. Just a wiry spring keeping me from falling off the damn hinges. But as long as it holds on, then it's fine.
In the end, nothing is conclusive enough to pledge full allegiance to, but I'd like to continue to expand this hypothesis. After all, I may just get lucky one day. Meanwhile, I know all of our failures will never kill us... unless it was a fission experiment that transmogrified you into extra-tasty-crispy chicken, but I digress. If you're reading this, then you're still alive to try something new, succeed, fail, whatever.
In truth, the process is never anything worst than annoying. Just like that buzzing fluorescent light. To which I answer the IT Guy's question, "Nah, I deal with it."
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Mark Sahm writes and searches for more creative outlets at Blogimus Prime.
Article comments
1 - Aaman
The way to dusty death, and all that jazz...
Fine musings.
2 - Mary K. Williams
I liked what you said. Nothing wrong with being a realist. I do feel that the measurement of success is subjective, like so much else.
I think success is in the process, not always just in the product.
The following has been attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, but evidently there's controversy over who really sait it first.
"To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded."
It's a little off topic from the discussion of creativity, but it's still something to think about.
3 - Mark Sahm
Thanks Aaman and Mary.
MKW, as for the Emerson quote--- I definitely agree that laughing helps the creative process, success or not. Sure, it may be a defense mechanism to laugh at your failures, but it beats the hell out of being depressed about it.
I never breathe easy though.
4 - Mary K. Williams
Mark Says: "Sure, it may be a defense mechanism to laugh at your failures, but it beats the hell out of being depressed about it."
I'll drink to that! : )
5 - Nukapai
What a lovely post. Altough I can relate (oh, definitely!), I'm not sure if what you describe is the psychosis part. I think what you describe is the catalyst - the psychosis happens afterwards, when some creative people begin to believe their own hype and forget the buzzing light at the desk.