There's a commercial on television for a company called Kyocera Mita that epitomizes exactly why I traded in my comfortable office job for a stinky hog house.
The commercial shows whom I assume to be a CEO standing at a podium addressing his employees. Anyone who has ever held a low-level flunky job with a large business can tell you just how mind-numbingly bromidic and wearisome these usually unnecessary corporate carnivals can be. This CEO, let's call him Mr. Skinflint, says to his snoozing audience, "And lastly, I've got an announcement that's going to make a lot of you happy."
If I'd been sitting there, my immediate reply would have been, "We can go now? We're getting raises? An extra day of vacation?!" The smile on Mr. Skinflint's face implies it's something wonderful, something magical, something sure to make dragging yourself to work a much less irksome chore.
"We're getting all new printers and copiers from a company called Kyocera Mita!" he exclaimed giddily, as if he did his employees a big favor. It's not something that will alleviate the mundane nature of their work, but will only force them to come up with new excuses for why they didn't finish that report on how best to implement the company's recycling program.
Gee, thanks. Here we thought dad was going to let us sit at the grownup table and instead he throws us a new spoon.
Mr. Skinflint then points to a member of the audience and says, "Tell them why, Andy."
Andy, excited that Pharaoh has deigned to acknowledge his existence, jumps up from his seat and holds up a placard for all to see and cries, "They're simple! They're easy to use! They're people friendly!" Written on the poster in his hands are the words "People Friendly", reinforcing the message because, God knows, no one takes Andy from Accounts Receivable serious. Andy is the fervent corporate toady. He worships the ground Mr. Skinflint walks on and would jump out a window, if his master told him to. If Mr. Skinflint were to fart in Andy's direction, he'd consider it being touched by a divine wind. Andy is the kind of employee who has a picture of Mr. Skinflint hanging over his bed and is the consummate corporate kiss-ass. And this is what Mr. Skinflint likes about Andy: he's simple and easy to use.
Article comments
1 - Shark
Tom, too true. I bailed in 1999. Swore that I'd eat tree bark before I participated in another sales or marketing meeting.
I'm almost down to the bark, but I still have my dignity, my soul, and my integrity.
I almost blogged a similar thing last night; watched a bit of hoops this weekend and saw plenty of despicable, obnoxious commercials, especially those MICROSOFT spots they show these goofy cracker nerds 'dancing' like some sort of brain-damaged Watusi warriors; figured I'd start a movement that EXPLICITLY REFUSES TO BUY any product which markets itself using hideous white people being 'cute' because they're dancing and can't dance.
Woke up this AM to find that some guy named "Hung" (how appropriate) is the new anti-star in America. He can't sing, he can't dance, but gawd luv him, we need a new "pet rock" minority and he happened to show up in an unthreatening manner.
And we wonder why the terrorists hate us.
2 - Shark
Tom, another thing I can't stand is that "Dilbert" cartoon guy; a 'funny' cult grows up around the fact that a large group of people in America recogzine their affinity with others trapped in some insane, brain-dead, soulless cubicle fighting for a day off or their own window.
And we wonder why so many people show up to work with 9mm Glocks.
3 - Jaime
Tom, too right you are! I would quit my mindless, numbing job, but I can't (Government says that I'm not allowed to). Soon enough though, I'll get out of this existence I call Hell and being my life, my way. I am going to be that guy from Office Space, who just does not care anymore, but I'll be him from the beginning. That's my plan... that'll work...