My journal from May 1997
The car hydroplaned, spun like a top and flipped.I felt like I was in a dream watching as my life was suddenly under the control of a car which was itself uncontrollable.
The car stopped on its roof and my first thought was: "why is my tape player still playing? Maybe things are ok if the stereo still works."
The next realization was it's kind of tricky to get out of a car when it's upside down.
As I got out people were running up to me saying,” We thought you'd be dead!"I picked up one of the tapes and dropped it and instead of falling to what would have been the floor it instead fell to what was previously the roof. That’s when I snapped out of it and got out of the car.
From the journal entry I wrote right after the accident.
The stereo
Reading over that, I am struck by something I find interesting: My focus on the car stereo.
When my truck was hit Tuesday at a red light my car stereo popped out of its case. My first response to the car accident was not to get out and check the condition of my car. It was not to check out the condition of the car behind me. No, my first reaction was to push the car stereo back into its case and press play. It worked and music filled the car. Only then did I turn off the car and get out.
It made me wonder: Why did I have that reaction, that focus on the car stereo, in both accidents, almost ten years apart?
The answer, I think, is that while I could not control what had just happened or how badly damaged the cars or the people involved were, I could control the car stereo and what plays on it. Strange as it may seem, finding the car stereo still operational and knowing I could still control it gave me comfort.
Article comments
1 - Matthew Milam
I think you've developed a healthy fear of the unknown and conquered it. If that's a good answer.
2 - Scott Butki
Yeah that's a good way of looking at it.
3 - A.L. Harper
You can't let fear rule your life. You just have to push past it.
4 - Aaron Fleming
Very interesting.
Might I be audacious enough to mention J.G Ballard's novel Crash? It certainly has a lot to say on the topic of car crashes, as unpleasant as much of it is.
5 - Scott Butki
I put a link to the Crash movie, the one adapted from Ballard's book? I wasn't able to read that book.
Did you read it?
Thanks, A.L. That is true about fear.
6 - Aaron Fleming
Nah, wrong Crash. That's Haggis' race film in your link, David Cronenberg did the adaptation of the Ballard novel. They're very different, one is a lot of common sensical nonsense about race relations, while the other is about people who get their sexual kicks from car crashes.
It's a cool idea, and experimental and provocative, but rather unpleasant - thus with Cronenberg being my favourite director and being a fan of Ballard I care for neither book nor film. Just doesn't click with me, but check them out anyway.
7 - Scott Butki
i put links to both Crash movies - the race relations one and the weird sex one.
I like some of JG Ballard's books. What was the one about a high rise building with class warfare occuring vertically? Fascinating writer.
8 - Aaron Fleming
Ah, ya did indeed man, apologies. Yeah High Rise is a great novel, all about regression to a primitive and instinctual mode of living, good stuff!
9 - Scott Butki
What's your favorite Ballard novel?
10 - Aaron Fleming
Of the ones I have read, which I won't pretend to have been a great deal, The Atrocity Exhibition has to be the one. Mad and surreal, I don't know if you've read it, but I'd recommend it for all those who enjoy the likes of Naked Lunch.
11 - Scott Butki
I skipped that one because I need more of a structure than that one seemed to have.
He has an amazing imagination
12 - Scott Butki
I had one of those moments today where my heart just stopped:
An envelope to me from a district court.
Ok, I thought to myself, what crime did I commit that I don't recall committing? Or is this the worst time ever for a jury summons? Or what?
Turns out it was a subpoena - didn't know they could do those via the u.s. mail - to appear at a trial for the guy who caused this crash.