I do think that the idea of redirecting sexual energy is a good one, but this just isn't the right way to do it. The negative impact of promoting oral sex to the teenage population in general is probably much greater than the positive impact of redirecting the sexual focus of teenagers who are already sexually active. You know, there are other things they could be encouraged to look into as alternatives to intercourse. Competitive sports is well known to reduce the sex drive, and for that matter, whatever happened to good old masturbation? Maybe someone would like to hire Paul Ruditis to write a book about the joys of self-gratification.
Dave
Article comments
1 - Mark Saleski
you actually sat around and read this thing?
what a trooper.
2 - DrPat
I think if he had read it, Mark, he would have labeled this piece a "Review." As it is, the opinion herein seems to be more about Simon and Schuster's publishing / marketing decision than it is about the book itself.
3 - Dave Nalle
I read the first part of the book and skimmed through the rest at my local Borders. I had to be sureptitious about it because I didn't want my teenage daughter to see the thing and she was with me. I also read several reviews and summaries online.
But my main point is really about the whole idea and how really poorly conceived the effort to redirect kids towards oral sex is.
Dave
4 - Scott
Sounds hot. Where were these parties when I was in high school?
5 - Steve S
I don't know the book and really have no interest in 'defending' it, but my thoughts on that would be that I hope I have the communication skills established with my daughter so that by the time she comes across a book like that, we can discuss it rationally. When she's a young teen though, she may have different ideas than discussing sexual behavior with daddy.
I don't have a problem though with what my daughter may come across in her young life. If she reads a book about a hostage situation, she isn't likely going to go take someone prisoner, so I'm not sure what makes sex different in that regard (in terms of acting out fiction).
Maybe I'm naive, because she's so young. I also became sexually active in the fifth grade with some of my peers. I didn't read anything about sex until late in high school. So I'm not sure how reading such a book, myself - in my young years - would have made any difference in my own behavior anyway. And look at the monogamy values I'm going around endorsing today.
6 - Dave Nalle
Sorry to hear you became sexually active so early, Steve. Doesn't seem right at that age - most kids that young can't handle it and are permanently scarred.
As for the teen thing, you are indeed naive. Teens are bizarre frankenstein monsters driven by hormones and peer pressure, and reading something like that is exactly the kind of thing that could set them off into weird and inappropriate behavior.
Dave
7 - Mark Saleski
so how is this book different than something like "hello god, it's me margaret" (or whatever the exact title is) buy judy blume?
8 - Nicolette Rivers
Right...it just sounds like updated Judy Blume. It also sounds like the message of the book was not to have these parties, but first the author built a rapport.
There's a reason why Judy Blume had a huge following -- kids thought he understood them. And then she sprung the lesson on you before you knew what hit you.
9 - Steve S
Sorry to hear you became sexually active so early, Steve. Doesn't seem right at that age - most kids that young can't handle it and are permanently scarred.
There's a lot of responsibility and consequences of course with sex. I did luck out in that regard.
In terms of scarring though, perhaps I escaped that as well because I didn't have a bunch of people hovering over me all concerned that I had been violated in any way (keep in mind we are talking playing with my peers at that age).
There's only 'scarring' with sex, if there's a lot of baggage tagging along. Which includes of course predatory behavior but we aren't talking that, so even though I am talking about a young age, nobody confuse that please. I think a lot of the scarring too would occur after the fact, when the parents all freak out and tell the teen how he/she's been used, will be called a slut in school, etc. THAT is when the teen gets scarred.
To me, playing that way was no different than playing on the playground, just doing something different. I think the perceptions we all have about sex strongly factor into whether someone can handle it or not. And I'm not advocating anything for anyone underage of course. Kids will be kids and most of the kids I knew in school weren't too far behind me and started being sexually active in the 7-9th grades. Full blown intercourse too.
Not telling kids about sex won't keep them abstinant. Kids have been having sex since the dawn of man, and will keep on doing so, it's just a matter of whether we want them to know about diseases or not.
Since nature gives the young female teen her period at around age 12, that is when the body is getting to be physically ready for sex. We give it a longer time before it's legal only so the teen can handle the emotional aspect of it. And because all teens are different, it doesn't flip on like a light switch on our 18th birthday.
There's a tribe in Melanesia that tells it's young boys that they will become brave if they suck out the semen of a proven warrior. source,
(there's probably less objective sources out there on the tribe).
There's no scarring there because the scarring comes from society not the sex act itself. Know what I mean?
10 - Steve S
I mean *more* objective.
11 - Dave Nalle
So um, you're saying that your early sexual experiences took place outside of society or were never discovered by any older kids or adults. I'd have to think that would be really, really atypical.
Dave
12 - Steve S
older kids yeah, adults no.
13 - Dave Nalle
Didn't the older kids have any of the typical reactions?
Dave
14 - Steve S
nothing more than a high five or something. They were all having sex too. More than a few of them with me. I don't understand what you're saying. Young guys are always applauded, by their peers, for getting some action.
15 - Lexi
I have no idea whether or not I should be reading this, but I'm a Junior in High School. I have read a story about an internet rapist some girl met IRL and it was a true story. So, are you saying I couldn't handle this?
Don't get me wrong; some people of my age or a few years younger may be more prone to -act-out- whatever they see/read, but since I'm more mature than most people whom I go to school with, I have stayed away from drugs and sex. Go me.
That's not to say that I don't have a perverted mind, but I don't act out my thoughts. More teens should be smart like that, ya know, but they're so horny these days (seriously, there are MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY TOWN! ) and think they can't get diseases.
Some moronic girl said she had been giving head since she was 10 and I said, "Uh, you do know you can get an STD because of that, right?" Her response? "Oh, it's okay. God'll take care of me." Yeah, right. I used to be her friend. Since that retarded answer, I haven't spoken to her to this day. (It happened in 9th grade, BTW)
Anyway, I should look for this book at Barnes & Nobles. It sounds interesting...
- Lexi