“Yes, but … tell me: what gave you the idea Jesus was gay besides colors?”
“The JESUS did. I swear. If you had seen JESUS, then you’d know what I mean.”
“No. Jesus most certainly did not give you that idea. You’re mistaken.”
“JESUS had gas, too. Quite a bit, in fact. I guess you could even say JESUS was quite excited by all the gas. Or maybe it’s the other way around. I dunno.”
She shook her head in disbelief. An awkward moment of silence passed between us. Trying a different tack, she asked, “Do you have a friend named Hez-SHUE?”
“Huh?”
“Maybe you’ve got Jesus mixed with Hez-SHUE?”
“What? He’s got shoes? Who’s got shoes?”
“You know, the Spanish way of saying ‘Jesus’ is ‘Hez-SHUE?’”
“I have no idea what you’re trying to say. Who’s shoes are you talking about?”
Flustered now, she stood straight up and fumbled through her little black order book, and found my ticket receipt. “Here. I will pray for you.”
“You don’t have to pay for me. Thanks, though.”
“No, no. I said I will pray for you.”
“Oh, I see. No, that’s okay but thank you.” I slid out from the red vinyl seat and stood up. Facing her, I noticed for the first time that she was also biting her lip – a nervous habit, maybe.
“I’m atheist,” I said, smiling at her. “I stopped believing in religion a long time ago.”
“Bu- … what? Wait a minute!” Her mouth stopped moving. Her facial muscles tightened as her lips closed rather tightly. Her jaw muscles, I could see, were being flexed, and with a final shrug of her bony shoulders, she simply walked away without saying a word.
It’s too bad, really, because I wanted to ask her where I could get one of those multi-colored JESUS neon signs. I think it’d look pretty good hanging above my Playboy and Coors Light neon signs hanging in the garage of my house. At night, my friends and I sometimes sit in the garage, drinking beer. I use the signs as a source of light so I can read their lips as we talk.
I don’t know. I think I just might be in heaven here in Colorado Springs.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Paotie
Note to self: don't press "Save" when you mean to press "Pending."
*bashes head on desk*
Fuck. Oh well, better job next time.
2 - Elaine
Thanks that was a cute story made me giggle!
3 - Michael J. West
I'm with Elaine. I laughed all the way through.
4 - Paotie
Michael and Elaine,
Thanks guys! I'm glad you liked it, even though I had editing errors (I make 2 copies of a story; one's the original, one's the "edited" version - I copied and pasted the original, so sorry for the errors.)
Cool beans!
:o)
Paotie
5 - Richard
That was a lovely outpour of that event. Is there something inside you that is wanting to have faith in Jesus. In order to be an atheist you have to first BELIEVE God and then disBELIEVE Him. But here's what I say...what caused the turning point in your life when you became an atheist? You say religion is the cause of all problems...You hit the nail right on its head. Stop following a religion, instead pursue a relation. Just as I cannot describe the taste of strawberry icecream without having you taste it, I cannot describe how real Jesus is. Can I ask you to believe this one thing. My He show you the direction.
6 - gonzo marx
and i Quote - "In order to be an atheist you have to first BELIEVE God and then disBELIEVE Him"
incorrect by definition...
what you describe is not an atheist, but an apostate
some atheists are apostates, but not all, and not all apostates are atheists
definitions are crucial in this type of discussion
Excelsior?
7 - Leslie Bohn
Strawberry ice cream tastes like strawberries and sweetened cream, very cold and blended smooth.
8 - Richard
Hey, Leslie is righto! That is how strawberry icecream tastes...thanks Leslie. :)
And Excelsior, thanks for correcting me. You are correct. You win.
We can keep arguing on this topic endlessly. I only meant to share, that I have discovered a good news that salvation comes through Jesus alone because all our "goodness" does not allow us to stand in the court of God after we die. It is only Jesus's death on the cross and our belief in Him that makes a difference.
Again, the Bible tells me that no one can change the heart of man except God Himself. That is not my aim therefore.
Also, in case you are thinking...I am a 30-year old guy whom God has blessed abundantly and I thank Him for it. This abundance (not material, but mental satisfaction) can be yours too.
Thank you for your time reading this.
9 - Leslie Bohn
R:
Well, you can use it if you're asked!
Maybe there's a way to describe the way you see JC, too? I don't believe in any gods, but I do believe in the use of writing as mental/psychic exercise.
10 - gonzo marx
and i Quote - ""Again, the Bible tells me "
now we have a bone of contention...
which version, chapter?...verse?
i Ask, because this Bible was written by Men...over 20 of the "books" within are letter attributed to Saul of Tarsus (Paul)and have little to do with anything the person of Yehsua ben Miriam (whom many refer to as Jesus Christ, a combination of an anglicanization of a latinization, Iesu, and a geek title "the Annointed")
so, where is it that you receive this profound belief about what you are told in this book?
and how is it that you believe this book to be anything other than a work of Men?
oh yes, the name is "gonzo marx"..Excelsior is a sign off statement, it means "always upward", or "tiny wood shavings used in taxidermy"..depending on which definition you like
Excelsior?
11 - Richard
I sure will use that description, trust me. ;)
I saw you used the word "gods". I dont believe in any of these "gods" myself. Just as there is there one physical Richard and one physically present Leslie, there is one God.
Belief in Jesus gives you salvation. I guess no prizes for guessing...but you must believe in the theory of Evolution right Leslie? Please note that you can identify a tree by its fruit.
What will happen when we die? Where do we go? If somebody would have told the little foetus in the womb that there is no life after the 9 months...and the foetus believed...it would surely die...it would not develop itself and not prepare for life "after birth". What about life after death? What will happen then?
I have known the Bible to be true from my own experience (reminds me of strawberry ice cream again :)) And my only desire is to tell you there is a God who is watching over you and that you can call upon Him to be saved. That is about as far as I can go in an article comment!
Over to you brother. (If I am turning out to be a pain, please ignore me. I will understand.) :)
12 - gonzo marx
Richard, no "pain" speak your mind freely...just expect the same in return, eh?
as to all the assertions you have made, you say you believe them..and i can easily accept that such are your beliefs
but you also claim to have Answers to things like what happens after you die...show your proof, please
Excelsior?
13 - Richard
Sorry Gonzo...that was Luke 12:12.
Regarding the authenticity of the Bible, I think it much more trustworthy than the newspaper that we read each morning. You only need an article on yourself to appear in it, to discover the lies that it contains. Anyways no offence buddy...we're just talking. ;)
14 - Richard
Will be back in 30 minutes. Have to run an errand.
15 - gonzo marx
no worries, no time limit - also no offense taken at all..as i said, speak your Mind freely
as for Luke 12:12 - "For the Holy Ghost shall teach you in the same hour what ye ought to say."
this appears to be speaking about a moment of Gnosis..personal revelation and Enlightenment...
very interesting in the context of what we are discussion, are you stating that your own Gnosis has revealed these statements to you?
Excelsior?
16 - Leslie Bohn
Yeah, I don't buy any of that, Richard. Not logical in nature, harmful in practice.
17 - Richard
Leslie, I know that you aren't buying anything that I am saying...which is why we are still on!
Hope that your thinking changes some day...because what if you are all wrong?
18 - gonzo marx
one cannot know the veracity of any of it, until after one is dead, Richard
hence the gist of my questions, especially in #15 above, as well as my Questioning things like the book you so believe in...
Excelsior?
19 - A Concerned Citizen
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. -- 1 John 4:8
So isn't simply loving another being a ticket to salvation?
20 - Richard
Hi Concerned Citizen,
I hate to trivialize things down to this analogy but, it is not the steering wheel l that gets you to the destination - its the car that does.
Now Love is the characteristic of God and is epitomized in John 3:16.
Also, it is always more meaningful, dear brother, to read the Bible in context. John in (1,2,3 John) writes to Christians. So he assumes that you have already accepted Jesus.
But again, I respect your views. Thanks for your time in reading this.
21 - High Heels
A lovely piece of writing, which took me out of myself for a few moments... thank you.
Let me know if you find a source of flashing Jesus!!
22 - Richard
Hi Gonzo,
You have a point...For without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6).
If you dont have faith it is impossible for any of us to understand the mysteries of God's kingdom brother. My life has been a testimony of God's love for me and I am absolutely loving it. Unfortunately, at the cost of sound irreverent, I cannot shoehorn my thoughts on yours. In the same breath, I must add, that I appreciate and understand your viewpoint too - trust me, most people who finally come to Jesus start that way.
W.r.t your question in #15, I would just call it equipping rather than anything else. See, I am a nobody to you and vice versa, but we are still able to communicate to each other. It is the love of God that He gives all His children a chance to accept Him. This is a very unique relationship that I have come to enjoy with God the Father through Jesus His Son; on judgement day I dont want to be asked by my Big Daddy that I did not try.
But again, again, again...Gonzo, I respect your views really and completely. I can do precious little but pray that God change your mind...because the Bible says that the hearts of kings is in His hands.
Take care and God bless. Keep smiling.
23 - gonzo marx
again, Richard..you appear to have some really interesting interpretations concerning scripture
but also appear to be unwilling to get into precise discussions concerning the same
ah well, good luck to you
Excelsior?
24 - Richard
Oops...I think I have been ambiguous enough in my posts. Could you please single out a topic we can discuss precisely. I want to know what you think.(Please bear with me Gonzo.)
25 - Ray Ellis
Let me get this straight, Richard. Unless you're a born-again Christian, you're on a slidetrough straight to fire and brimstone, correct? If I follow that logic to its conclusion, that means that billions and billions of people--here and deceased--are pretty much fucked. That would mean that heaven would have no room for--oh, I dunno-- let's start with Moses, just for the sake of argument.