CHENEY IS A-OKAY. BUSH TOO.

WASHINGTON — (Rotters News) Vice President Dick Cheney's office said he received good news Tuesday during his annual heart checkup, with a pacemaker detecting nothing whatsoever.

Cheney has had four heart attacks, and a pacemaker was placed in his chest in June 2001. The checkup determined that the pacemaker, called an implantable cardioverter defibrillator, was working fine and never had to be activated.

''The vice president was told by his doctors that all the news was very good,'' said Cheney spokesman Kevin Kellems. ''The doctors informed him that the device neither detected nor treated any arrhythmia.''

Cheney underwent the routine exam at George Washington University Medical Center. It included a physical exam, an electrocardiogram, an echocardiogram and a stress test.

Based on strict demands made initially by White House Presidential Advisor Karl Rove, Cheney appeared at the University Medical Center only after medical staff agreed to let him be accompanied by President Bush. Other restrictions that were imposed on the doctors included:

* only one hour available for the exam;
* no recordings of any kind were to be taken by examining doctors;
* only one nurse or physician's assistant was allowed to transcribe the entire conversation and the medical data collected;

According to sources, the President and Vice President appeared confident during the exam. In a display of his usual articulate leadership abilities, President Bush answered most of the questions about Cheney's health, including up-to-the-minute information about recent dietary consumption, sleep habits, and quality and frequency of bowel movements. The President had obviously done his homework.

The examining physician, Dr. Frank Instein, with persmission of the White House, later spoke to reporters, "Cheney had no complaints, but President Bush mentioned some minor issues with gas — which could easily be controlled by over-the-counter antacids. Only one minor problem arose during the stress test: when Cheney was on the treadmill, the President's heart rate skyrocketed, but when we assured the President that Cheney was in no danger, Bush's heart rate quickly returned to normal."

Once doctors are satisfied with the effectiveness of the pacemaker, they plan to give Vice President Cheney a heart to go with it, probably sometime in late 2004 or early 2005. The Defense Department has already written an order for a titanium heart, although a DOD spokesperson refused to confirm rumors that the contract was a non-compete, no-bid contract awarded to Kellog, Brown, & Root shortly after 9/11 of 2001.

Article Author: Shark

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