Celebutarts in Print: Britney Spears Rallies, Lindsay Lohan Tanks - Page 2

I’m just getting started…. Happy Holidays everyone!
Britney

That was so deftly crafted, with its hint of wink-wink, nudge-nudge, the promise of better behavior and a dusting of apology, that one can only guess someone helped Britney write it. Whatever the case, the good-will-o-meter for Britney Spears is on the rise and for some otherworldly reason, people are pulling for this young woman. Good luck with that.

Speaking of coherently written messages to the public, we must take an "adequite" inventory in the opposite direction and check in on America’s favorite 90-car pileup, more affectionately known as Lindsay Lohan.

While I typically relish and deeply enjoy watching the foibles of the rich and talentless as they deservedly fall from grace, the tragic case of Lindsay Lohan stirs something within my soul. Some might call that unfamiliar tingling sensation a heart, or compassion perhaps, but I choose call it “acid build up” and like to wash it down with a jigger of “I don’t give a figgie pudding anymore.”

Unlike Britney, Lindsay has burned through her good-will-o-meter with not just pathetic drunken crotch-bearing behavior, but a flagrant and disrespectful disregard for her position in life, a position she wouldn’t have without her young and impressionable fans. Lindsay has conducted herself in a wasteful, crude and unappreciative manner. And while I may feel for her out of some motherly instinct, her conscious choice to abuse her talents and body, plus her insatiable need for any and all sorts of attention, begs for my unwavering critical eye of discontent.

Lindsay, known for so many horrifying things ranging from out of control drug use, to boyfriend binges, paranoia, and general bitchiness, has also included being a prolific, if incoherent and poorly-executing, writer to her resume of suckiness. Seriously, she makes Britney seem like a Pulitzer Prize contender.

Her latest efforts with the written word started with the death of famed director Robert Altman, with whom she worked recently on the film A Prairie Home Companion.

Lindsay, stricken with grief, fired off a letter of condolence to the Altman family. Like a David Lynch movie, it started out okay, but quickly began to spiral out of control. You can almost sense the twitching and the sparks flare as the gears in Lindsay’s wee little brain begin to grind, as she feebly attempts to express herself and descend into her mental melt down:

Article Author: Dawn Olsen

Dawn Olsen is a veteran blogger who proudly supports the guy who publishes this awesome site. When not engaging in neologistical pursuits, she writes about popular culture, Hollywood and those fanciful creatures called "celebrities" at Glosslip.com. …

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