Well, December 1 is again World AIDS Day, and I plan to celebrate in the usual manner.
By having unprotected sex with as many women as humanly possible within that 24 hour period.
My personal record, set last year, is five. Technically, though, I might only be able to count four of them as one was my girlfriend. Well, my ex-girlfriend now. She broke up with me on Dec. 2nd of last year, for reasons I still can't explain.
Go figure.
Sometimes, women will come up with, shall we say, "creative reasons" as to why they can't have sex with you.
At least, this is what I've heard from other guys.
Personally, I've never had this problem. I chalk it up to two reasons: my superior technique and humongous manhood. The fact that one former girlfriend gave me the pet name "Pee-Wee" the day after we first made love is, I assure you, purely coincidental. Or maybe it was her way of being ironic. Whatever. I try not to dwell on it.
Yes, women have been known, from time to time, to get creative on the way to the bedroom. And not in a good way. So, in honor of this day, I thought I'd share a few things I've heard (again, from other people) and what one can do to surmount the difficulties.
Now, before I go any further, I'd just let to say that these aren't meant to be gender specific. They are gender interchangeable. I'm writing them as heard from the male point of view because, well... I'm a male. They could just as easily be used by men to get out of having sex.
You know, on that imaginary planet where men actually say 'no' to sex.
But I digress.
1. "I can't have sex with you, because my boyfriend might get mad."
He *might*, might he? You must immediately get conspiratorial on her ass. "I won't tell if you won't tell." Or you could try explaining the virtues of guilt-free sex. Of course, if she happens to have been raised Catholic, you're pretty much screwed with that approach. Or not, as the case may be.
Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
hilarious as usual Pete, great to have you around again - the underlying issue here is that there are all kinds of people who try to find self-validation through misguided pursuits along these lines