Carnival of the Vanities #5

"Due to illness, the part of Denis Leary will be played by... Denis Leary."

I can't keep mine secret any longer. Bigwig is in der unholy Betty Ford Clinic, doing time in rehabilitation for thine sinful Blogging Addiction undt wearing pants with fancy zippers instead of buttons. Get well soon, Bigwig, undt when thou art out, be sure to post all about thine recovery on thine blog undt risk eternal Hellfire and damnation as a sinner.

Until then, everybody's favorite Amish Blogger is here undt he hast der chalk undt slate to lead der congregation through this time of troubles. As the devil says, he's a deadly handsome man, der lion in the lamb. Der show must go on, undt der wicked Carnival of the Vanities continues into its fifth week. Turnout was good, even if it wasn't up to Week Four standards, but what do thou expect... we have nein electricity here in Amish Country.

So, with nary an ado, here's some stuff that thou mayst have missed der first time around. Instead of breaking this up by categories, I'm going to tick people off by posting them in the order they came in undt as well as tacking on a few of mine own comments...

• Bigwig of Silflay Hraka - Saving Salon: Why he isn't renewing his subscription to Salon, and then he suggests an opportunity for micropayments. Me, I just wait for someone to copy-paste the whole article to me.

• Meryl Yourish - The definitive "chickenhawk" argument: Many examples of why "If you haven't done it yourself, then don't demand it of others" is full of crap. Kinda makes the People's Choice Awards moot, doesn't it?
• Solonor - A Barrel Full Of Monkeys: All things monkey, including the Top Ten Monkey Movies Of All Time. (What about Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back?)
• He Whose Real Name Must Not Be Said Out Loud of The Noose - North Korea Confesses Additional Misdeeds: Watch out, Scrappleface, because here comes The Noose. I know HWRNMNBSOL personally, and he writes funny stuff. Much funnier than me, I must admit, and it's killing me with envy and jealousy.
• Michele of A Small Victory - I Got a Woody: Michele take a trip down the IMDB to obliterate woodenheaded Woody Harrelson's Bombing Campaign of his own.
• Skippy the Bush Kangaroo - How the Democrats Could Win Big This Election And Probably Won't: Skippy gives a few hints as to who the Democrats could pander to so they could win in 2002. I have a better idea... don't field candidates for 2002, let the Republicans have 2 years to mess things up their own special greedy way, then win big in 2004 with "I Told You So" campaigns.
• Jim at The Philosoblog - A Quick Gun Ownership Argument: A simple but straightforward postulation on gun ownership and privilege vs. freedom.
• Charles Hill of Dustbury - When No One Wants You: Women can smell desperation like dogs can smell fear.
• Stefan "Shark" Sharansky - Sharansky Peace Prize: Who won, and who should have won for truly creating an opportunity for peace. Did they ever get the name of the Chinese guy who stood in front of the tank column during the Tiennamen Square Massacre? It probably didn't take long to hose him out of the tank treads, but I figure it's worth a prize.
• Alex of Heretical Ideas - Oil, Not Just For Cars, You Know: Alex reminds us that we need oil for other things. I had a high school physics teacher who kept saying that "The dumbest thing you could do to oil is burn it." He drove a gas-guzzler.
• Madeleine Kane - Bush Don't Want No Arms Inspections: Another brilliant song parody. Is she the Weird Al of the Blogosphere?
• Toren Smith of Safety Valve - Bizarre Search Hits of the Week: This meme continues to demonstrate not only that people across the world look for some pretty stupid and weird things, but they tend to end up in the most bizarre places looking for answers... like blogs.
• Tom Paine of Silent Running - A TALE OF TWO AUSTRALIANS: Clive James versus Germaine Greer with regards to the Bali Bombing. He points out some important must-reads for those wanting to load up on ammunition against the Idiotarian America-Hating Left.
• Fred's Fragments From Floyd - Strange Farmer of Erehwon : Dipping deep in the past, Fred tells a little tale about a farmer sharing his memories. Perhaps, just perhaps, maybe it applies to all of this happy vanity?
• Tim's Road To Surfdom - Guns and Government: Tim takes the position that attitudes towards government dictate attitudes towards guns and then takes a look at America and Australia. To figure out the Texas attitude, just take a look at Waco... the government *is* tyrannical.
• Glenn Frazier - The Annihilation Game: Glenn demonstrates how two arguments can mutually annihilate each other. Me, I like the word annihilate, and it's good to be the moral cowboy.
• Dodd Harris - Allies We Can Do Without: Dodd takes a look at the downside to open forums - wackos who post enemies lists and other inane garbage. Good core concept, but some bad barnacles latching on. I wonder if Little Green Footballs has the same problems in a way?
• South Knox Bubba - Leveling the playing field: When it comes to trying to make the software industry competitive, we shouldn't leave it in the hands of "public servants" who are only fit to ask "Do you want fries with that?"
• Steve from Ravenwood - Big Deal: Flarry Simon turns 100,000: Why toot my own horn when others are more than willing to blow it for me? Best line of the piece is "We also noticed that his weblog turned 100,000 only after he took his picture off the front page."
• Steve Gigl - An Exercise in Fishbarreling: Steve fisks Woody's article in the Guardian. You know, if you fisk your woody too much, you'll go blind.
• Kitchen Cabinet - Golf Wimps: A fine testimonial to the many injuries and accidents inherent in a brutal game of Ultimate Frisbe. I should know... Ultimate was the Sport of Baker College and I think it was a Baker-Baker matchup for the championship my Senior year. I rarely make it to the campus to play 18 holes now.
• Raving Atheist - Shroud Dating Proves Jesus Was "Oz" Scarecrow: Wonderfully silly. As John Cougar Mellencamp would say, "Reign of the Scarecrow, Blood On The Cross"
• Fran of Northwest Notes - Trip To The Ozarks: A bunch of beautiful pictures from a trip to the Ozarks.
• N.Z. Bear - The Bear Doctrine: The Bear states his own principles for justifying American military action and regime change and how it differs between Iraq and North Korea. But if you apply it towards Major League Baseball, Bud Selig would be deader than a dodo...

  Well, that's about it, so all rise while the blogpastor leads us in a hy-

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Article Author: Laurence Simon

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