Getting pregnant can be a chore and an emotional roller-coaster. Here is one woman's journey.
If you are a woman who has spent your life imagining what it would be like to have a child, then you know how exciting it is when you finally decide that you are ready to make that leap. You are finally prepared to put yourself second. You are willing to make a child the number one priority in life. You are ready to get pregnant.…
Article comments
— go to most recent comments176 - Amanda
My husband and I never really knew if we wanted kids. We have been 11 years and always used bc. I worried I might regret not having children one day. But never felt any 'urges'. I would always hear people talking about. Then unexpectanrly a few months ago I became pregnant I went from I never want kids to completely attached in one day. We were so excited made plans. All the doubts and anxiety about having a child inro our busy complex livrs vanished because the baby was all that mattered. I felt like I had been admitted to an exclusive club I suddenly longed to join anyway I miscarried and could not believe the overwheing loss and greif. I now understand the desperation many feel to concieve. We started trying two months ago and it is so terrifying. I don't know how to not think about it constantly. I barter with God, I am practically superstious over trying to recreate the set of circumstances that got me pregnant in the first place. I am a very practical and logical person, or was. I feel like I have suddenly become this biologically clock driven 30something. It is so surpeising because i just never saw this primative yearning/drive as anything I would experience. I used to be quite grossed by the pregnancy thing. I have so much compassion for all you trying. I don't know how years of this does not make you crazy. My cycle is due to start tomorrow I am obsessed with monitoring myself for signs of pregnancy- wish me best of luck. I have agreed I will allow myself to take a preg test in two days if no bleeding. If I get prey again I will be terrified about another mc. Seems like wording doesn't stop once you decide to become a mommy. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this! I am a bit nostalgic for my life before I developed the desparate desire to become pregant. My bestfriend is 8 weeks pregnant (unplanned) and she feels guilty about my feelings of hurt loss and being left out. She reassures me preg feels terrible and I am lucky. Believe me all that makes it worse. My husband is excited for a baby but Is looking forward to months of trying. I think my emotional rollercoaster is going to derail soon! I can cry at the drop of a hat. Previous important things have lost meaning. My life is upside down. Yet I'm really trying to not complain. Honest. It's just that all these new very powerful emotions. Instinct hormon driven emotions are so surprising to me. Thank you all for reading and for kind thoughts/prayers. I am sending all who are activley trying arm loads of baby dust
177 - allison
hi i have one child she is 12years i have been trying for another one about 5years now but no luck so in a way i know how you feel like one person say i will be praying for us and all who need it and do not give keep trying.good luck
178 - Mary
I was married for 8 years and didn't have a baby with him..thank god because I didn't wanted to have a kid with him. anyway I went to a doctor and do a lot of tests becuase it was weird that after a lot of years I couldn't get pregnant. all the test were fine..even the doctor told me that he wishes that he had a body and healthy as mine. Anyway I got divorce and I met this amazing man who I really want to have a baby with.. I'll be 34 may 31th and I've been trying to get pregnant for 3 years now. He's already a father from his previous marriage. My mother gave birth to me at 25 a year after she got married and I have a lot of friends that have kids already. Even by best friend have 4 kids and she get's pregnant by only looking at her. Some people told me to forget that I'm trying to get pregnant, or release tension, eat better, take pills.. a lot of things. Some say that stress causes that I don't get pregnant. I knwo people with the same thyroid condition that I have and they have babies.. so you're not alone...I told my boyfriend that if I don;'t get pregnant by the time I get 35 I won't think of having babies... I don't want to be too old if I get pregnant...I dream about babies all the time and it's sad for me.
179 - mother in waiting
hello,laides i know what its like im married for6yrs had an etopic pregnancy4yrs agotube was remove other one block im believe in total healing to concieve ladies just know inspite of you are wonderful an fearfully made by god read first samuel cp1
180 - pain
i m 30 6 mths elder to my husband
we are married for 5 yrs
i m infertile
medications have made my look fat n tension has increased my age
my husband loves me but not attracted to me
when we go out for shopping or eating out i see him staring at good looking girls
its very painful
181 - pain
there is no single day when people dont remind me being infertile. my dr. told me to forget abt conceiving as it gives more stress abt cant help thinking abt it. i hve undergone a surgery, above all husband no longer attracted towards me, how do i help myself. i want my husband to love me the way he used to b4. living with family is another pain as people around me are more depressed then me, they ask me evry mth i missed churms or not, its really sick. my parents are growing older and want to see my kid and play with it b4 they die, so many expectation. lots of comparisions btwn me and other fertile women in family. i was the one who was most beautiful and my inlaw side always appreciated me for my good conduct but my this limitation has brought me no where.,
182 - Lucy
Hi to everyone who is going through the same thing as me! Me & my partner have been trying for 2 years now & awaiting test results on our fertility. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember & waited years to find the right man who wanted the same things as me. In the meantime all my friends who were single & in bad relationships kept falling pregnant without even trying. I have always been the doting auntie, happy to babysit at the drop of a hat & loved spending time with everyone elses children but longed for one of my own. All I can say is that when it does eventually happen for me (I keep the faith it will), it will be so much more special because I have waited do long & will cherish every moment spent with my child/children. Hope it happens for you all too, keep strong & good luck. xx
183 - California
I feel like a diabetic watching everyone celebrate that they can eat a bowl full of ice cream when I go to a baby shower, babtism or birthday party. Sometimes I feel like my infertility is a punishment for my past. I know its me because my
ex-husband and his new wife conceived immediately after he remarried. Prior to my current marriage, my ex and I tried for three years. We eventually divorced and I told myself "It wasn't meant to be." I am so happy with my husband. We laugh, we live. But I feel this huge gaping void. It hurts more when I check my mailbox at work and it seems like there's always an invite for a baby shower. Or my huband's 2nd cousin who is 15 and pregant. Agh, the fight that errupted when I told my husband I didn't want to go to the shower. Or the constant psycho OCTOMOM headlines (talk radio, tabloids @ the check out, evening news, even NPR a few times). Oh, and OCTOMOM lives in the neighboring city!! Wait here;s the kicker, my husband's brother knocked up another woman (while married with 3 girls 10, 12, and 14) out of wedlock and yes, the baptism is this Saturday. Thanks for letting me vent. On the plus side there is hope. My friend adopted a baby through the county agency(Los Angeles). With the exception of the parenting classes (time) there was relatively NO COST. This beautiful baby was abandoned by a very courageous woman who gave birth and took hime to a fire station. I say courageous because she could have easily dumped him in a dumpster (google the USC student who did just that).
Thanks again. Whew, I feel better!
184 - July
I can completely relate to this post.
I am 33 years old and have been ttc for 4 months now ... am frustrated each month when my period comes on and the anxiety before it does is almost unbearable ... Sex life has become , but a joke, as it is so mechanical now. I think my relationship with my husband is seriously getting hampered as a result of this stress . Not that he blames me for anything and is infact very very supportive, but I hate to see the disappointment on his face each month when my period comes on.
I feel like a failure and am losing confidence about everything else in my life as well. I feel as though things will never go my way because I was out on this earth by god to suffer and be miserable.
I have realised that no matter what I do to try and cheer myself up (New clothes, holidays, even a new car!) doesn't work because the only thing I want from my life right now is a baby of my own.
I am going to pray for all of us here ... hope things eventually work out for us ... All I need to know is that there is a light at the end of this tunnel ....
185 - Rael
I have been trying for two years now we have 9 year old daughter and we would like to have another baby I have done a laporascopy and all is well. I have tried Clomid and Gonal-F without success. I have what the doctor explained as unexplained infertility. But i have not given up i will keep trying.
186 - Julie
Thank you very much for this article. My husband and I have crossed the "11 months and still trying" phase. I've gone through all of the same emotional turmoil you have. My sister, whose husband had a vasectomy reversal (and he's 11 years older than her), got pregnant two months into trying just using OPKs. My co-worker got pregnant one month after casually remarking to me, "Yeah, we're just to to start trying and see what happens."
I've done everything the doctors have asked me to do -- chart, take my temperature, pee on more sticks than I care to count and pay for...
Just a word of advice to all of the wonderful people out there who support and love women like us -- whether you are friends, colleagues, or co-workers. The best thing you can do is pray for us or just give us a chance to vent and release all of the garbage we're feeling day to day. The worse advice I've ever been given either involved someone telling us to take a vacation, to quit trying so hard, or to just get drunk and see what happens. When you feel one of your many purposes in life is to be a parent, you are going to pursue it as hard as any other dream in your life.
I have my first appointment with an infertility specialist next week. We'll see how it goes.
Thank again.
187 - Ana
hi everyone...i truly understand each and everyone of you...i'm 26, my husband is 27 and we have been together since i was 18 we have never used any form of contraceptive and i'm yet to get pregnant. I've never been to a doctor because i want to conceive naturally....i just wanted to share my story with everyone....i wish all of you lots of luck and hope you all can find peace within....lots of love.
188 - Ana
i should mention that my cycle is normal...every 28 or 29 days...never skipped one month...so how could this be..it's definitely not my husband because just before me met his his high school girlfriend got pregnant for him...he has a beautiful daughter with her.
189 - lisa
i have been trying for ages but now i have given up its hurting me too much
190 - amanda
i heard the law of attraction helps. it says its impossible to want something so bad and recieve it, you must detatch ur self from wanting it, stop trying and it will happen, buy the book called THE SECRET BY RHONDA BYRNE theres also a website for the secret and its great. anyone trying for a baby needs to look up the law of attraction andgetting pregnant , thats y you hear of ppl getting pregnant without trying, let me know if it works for u it did for my sister amanda buff. please try it i promise you.
191 - Jess
Thank you for your honesty in such a horrible process. My husband and I have been going through the same thing and asking the same question...Why me?
I will be sending thoughts your way and will be pleased and happy when you do say those words...I am pregnant, even if I am not. Although, I have the same feelings you do we can still appreciate life. It is the only thing that can keep me sane, to know that others that struggle have the joy I so desire.
Hang in there! I am confident that one day you will be a mother.
On a side note, have you ever looked into IVF in other countries? It is significantly less than it is here in the states, like $4500. Just a thought!
192 - PATTY
I HAVE HAD TEST AFTER TEST TO SEE WHY I COULD NOT GET PREGANT SO WILL THE NEXT STEP FOR ME WOULD IT BE CLOMID 50,100,150MG
193 - catherine castillo
i have 10 year old son but until now i am not getting pregnant i want to get pregnat again pls. help my husband sperm when i stand i draft his sperm
194 - Mya
Thank you. I am just realizing, coming to terms with the inability to get pregnant and I have never felt grief like this. Thank you for putting voice to my pain and helping validate these feelings of desperation.
195 - Brittney
I found this to be extremely helpul. I am in the same position as you are. I have always wanted to be a mother and my husband and I have been married for almost three years as well. I have so many friends and family members that are pregnant as well and I also have felt jelous and also angry as well, although I am happy for them. Thank you for making me feel that I am not alone.
196 - Ashley
me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years... since november 2008 we have been having unprotected sex. we have sex almost everyday and although we are not planning on having a child yet why am i not gettin pregnant?
197 - Lyndi Oakley
I understand the emotions you are going through. My husband and I have been trying for 5 years now, with no success. I feel that God puts that desire in a woman to have children and no one can take that away. And sometime I have asked God, why did you put that desire in me and then not give me children. Then I realize, it's in His time, not mine, and more and more, we are feeling that adoption is the way He is wanting us to go. There are plenty of children out there that don't have families and just imagine how great a parent you would be, b/c you have wanted children for so long! Your state may have an agency like Childrens Services or something, and usually the adoption is free through them. Might be worth checking into! We will praying that God shows you what He wants you to do!
198 - Sara
I have gone through all the emotions talked about in this article. It is almost like a story written from my life. I am lucky because I can share these feelings with my husband and he also has them but we try to work through the feelings together.
Too the people who are commenting: There doesn't have to be logic behind feelings. She was writing what has been going on in her life. Be nice.
Thanks for this great article.
199 - Sarah
I just wanted to say that I can totally relate to how you feel. Everything I read, I thought.....that's exactly how I feel! My husband and I have been trying for 15 months...and it is so hard to keep getting my period. We were high school sweethearts and I've always wanted to be a mom. I'm 27 now and not getting any younger. We have been ready for a family for 3 years, but wanted to wait to pay off some debt....now I wish we would have just started trying because we obviously would have had enough time to pay off the debt anyway! I see this was written 2 years ago....did you have any luck?? Adoption??
200 - Moriya
Kate,
I totally understand your desires, feelings and even determination. My husband and I have only been married for 2 years, but together for 5. I am several years older than him and find myself focusing many times on teh few years before I hit the 40 year old mark..... I know that there are many things that can be done for women pregnant and over 40, but I want what I want and I really want it now!!!!
My hubsnd and I actually concieved in Dec. 08, but I went for my ultrasound in Jan. 09 and found that I had what the doctors call a "FALSE PREGNANCY", this means that there was a fertalized egg, but no fetus ever formed... I have been desprate to become pregnant ever since, with absolutely no sucess.
Everyone tells you to quick worrying, It will happen when it happens and the best one as soon as you quite trying you'll become pregnant....... Well I don't and can't worrying or forget about it. It is much to important for me to be able to have my own babies.... Adoption at this point is not an option, due to my husband's epilepsy!
So what else are we supposed to do now...... You know it really upsets me when people who had no problems getting preganant give you advice I just want to tell them PLEASE SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!
I wish you and your husband the best of luck and may the baby fairies be on your side......
201 - gemma
Hi kate, just noticed you have nt commented in a while, hows it going? Just like most people commenting, i too have been trying for a year now and my best friend who only just started trying caught on first time! I was happy and sad at the same time. Its really getting me down now, and my husband tels me to stop thinking about it and it will happen but thats just impossible. My friend and i always said we would lve to have kids at te same time so who knows? Maybe it will happen soon so we can have our children together. I just dont want it to take much longer because when i set my mind on something i do it,but trying to conceive is just out of my hands. To all couples(and myself) i hope it happens soon and things do happen for a reason, as hard as it is to believe. Keep trying and good luck, i know i need it. Best wishes kate.
202 - Heather Nicole
I am so sorry to hear all the stories and disappointment in your words. I, too, am reciently married and have the urge to enter into motherhood. I have heard my share of the "when it happens it happens" and the " you should take this time for you and your hubby" lines, but the truth is, it sucks! waiting every month NOT to get your period( then you do), having your husband not understand how it makes you feel like a useless vessle, wanting to tell the world "I'm pregnant!" but never being able to. It truely hurts. So now, after having unprotected sex for over a year and a half and not concieving, i finally understand that this is a big issue for women everywhere. And it is very comforting to have a place to come and read stories of hope, help, and success. Thank you so much Kate and all the other men and women who have had the courage to tell your stories.
203 - tishi
updates? did Kate have a baby?
did anyone else that posted? is there any positive
stories?
204 - Nicole
I know this post is years old but I just have to comment. I am a 20 year old soon to be 21 year old, me and my boyfriend have been having unprotected sex for 2.5 years now. My only desire is to have a baby, but I haven't got pregnant once. I'm too scared and ashamed to go to a doctor, or to even tell my boyfriend I have infertility issues. I think he might know its infertility but I just want him to think I'm on birth control. I'm so afraid he would leave me if I told him I don't know why I can't conceive. I have thought about being pregnant for the past year, every day, I pray constantly. I haven't told a single soul about my infertility problem, and finally I stumble upon this website. I feel SO much better to know I'm not alone, reading all your stories gives me hope and makes me feel less ashamed. I'm so scared I'll never be able to have a baby, I love my boyfriend so much I just want to give him a beautiful baby. He wants one so bad, a year or two ago my period was late and we thought I was pregnant. He was so ecstatic he was ready to go buy prenatal vitamens and everything. Then my period came and it crushed me. I think about infertility all the time, I too feel the same mess of emotions you all feel. I feel like my boyfriend deserves a baby and I can't give that to him... it kills me. Everytime we have sex I pray to God a miracle will happen and I will get pregnant. In the past I would always get so excited right before my period cause I thought I finally conceived. The bloating, nausea and tender breasts used to fool me, actually it was probably just wishful thinking. Sometimes in my mind I would even pretend I was pregnant, it made me happy for a split second... then reality set in. I can't talk to anyone about this, I feel better just confessing to strangers in some random online blog. Most of the time I feel like God is punishing me. I hate even being around babies, I know that sounds horrible, but it's a slap in the face to me.
205 - Azni
Dear Kate,
Your story almost the same with me. I'm 27.I got married almost 2 years. I'm struggled TTC since we have been married for 6 months. I put a lot of effort in to it. Everytime
If I heard something that is possible to get me possibly pregnant. I also try and go for it. I spent a lot of money to buy supplement, fertility massage, and doctor consultation.
I'm a teacher and most worst recently is most of the teachers and staff in my school get pregnant. It looks like they get 'pregnant infectious' in our school.because there are about 16 person get pregnant.5-6 person in already deliver. but I'm the only one left still waiting to get pregnant.
I feel so stress,shame don't want to see others.I don't know what to do.but still hope to get a baby.
206 - priya
u said my story..this is what exactly am going through...thank you ..u hav make me feel better
207 - meicha
Thank you for writing that I do know how you feel. I've had to go to my own sisters baby shower. I just do not want to, because she get what I want more than anything. I understand, I just feel so bad for feeling that way I should be happy for her but I cnt...I
208 - leann
I totally am in ur shoes Im 21 and have had 3 miscarrages and a tubeable pregnancy I only have one tube left and I have been told i will never have kids and it sucks all I want more then anything is to have a family and raise children, and I dont belive its selfish to want your own kids and yes I understand that there are many kids who need a home but its sooo different when you want your own... I would do anything to be able to have a baby... But I guess in Gods time I will never give up my dream of being a mother I have been through a lot but I will push foward
209 - jessica
wow its great to know that there is another women out there with the exact same story as me.currently my period is running extremely late which never happens to me..NEVER. and so finally after 3 yrs i got my hopes up and was so excited and i took a pregnancy test today...and again another negitive...lord help me now all i can do is cry.me and my fiance want so badly to start a family and be happy but unfortunately it doesnt look as though god has wrote that any where in my future.and its hurts so bad to have seen the look on my fiance's face earlier when i told him that it was negitive...he couldnt say anything he just went to bed and went to sleep...nothing more...so that leaves me with the question if he will still want to be with a women who cannot provide him with a family?
210 - Karen
After reading a majority of the stories/comments posted on here....I can see that I feel the same way the a majority of the woman feel. I just recently got off birth control pill ....and I've been on it for 4 years... mainly because I was still in school and because I had horrible menstrual cramps the required me to stay at home. I'm 25 years old... the woman in my family are baby makers. My grandmother (mom's mom) had 7 children and my dad's mom had 5 children. Recently, my younger cousin who is only 19 but had a baby at 18 years old. I never really wanted a kid because I was scared that I would not be a good mom... but after seeing several of my cousins have babies and being able to hold them made me crave for a child of my own... I just got recently married back in October 2008...but held off on kids because I just recently started working as a registered nurse on grave yard.... I guess my job doesn't really help especially since its so stressful trying to care for someone else's health/life....its come to the point I've been so depressed that I had to quit. I'm currently trying to look for another job in my field that isn't as stressful....but I can truly feel what so many other women have felt....the jealousy I have every time I see people hold their baby.....looking at how the father just adores their child as they hold them in their arms.... for a few years now....i have been so jealous of my husband's cousin's wife....who got pregnant while they were only dating for 2 months....i wanted a baby then....but I had school and thought it would be hard .... my husband's cousin eventually married her....and she got pregnant a month after the wedding....and now that we're trying to have a baby....i feel its so hard....and i get so devastated everytime I see the (-) sign.....I know we've only been trying for a couple of months....but so far...I just feel so miserable and so stressed trying to get pregnant...sometimes I feel that maybe I shouldn't want it so much.....then maybe GOD will grant me a wish of having a healthy baby....at one point of my life....I always wanted to have a baby boy...but now, I don't care what gender it is as long as I can have a healthy baby to hold in my arms out of the love me and husband created.....I have been with my husband since I was 18 years old and he had always wanted kids since we were together...but I put it off to finish school and get a career...I've even started praying every night to ask GOD for the blessing that I so want and that many other people already have... and yes...I have come to the part that always ask my self, "WHY them and NOT me???"....but I guess its really TOO early to say it when we've only tried for a couple of months... the hardest part that makes me so miserable is that my husband is in the military so he's always gone for weeks...and he'll be gone for 6-7 months starting in September 2009 for his overseas deployment. So I cry, get depressed, and thinking....I have to wait... its gotten so bad that I don't want to even live anymore because of the pain it causes every day seeing how others are so happy to hold their precious baby....and I just have to put a smile at their little one when in fact deep inside my heart it is breaking into little pieces and I can't wait to go home to cry....
211 - Mandy
I just want to say THANK YOU for writing this. I'm about 7 months into the process and have had zero luck. I look at everyone who is pregnant with complete disdain. I cry, I get mad, I lash out at the people I love the most. I feel useless and like a failure. I can't understand why young girls at age 14 are getting pregnant but women like me who are emotionally and financially ready to have children cannot get pregnant. I'm mad, I'm sad, and I can't stop thinking about it. I also can no longer tolerate the question, "So when are you guys going to have kids?" Do people not realize how insulting that question can be? They just take for granted their ability to get pregnant on the first try. Anyway, thank you for expressing my feelings. I don't feel quite so alone now.
212 - Nichole
Mandy, I agree with you 110%. Just got home from a baby shower for a 19 year old, unmarried, no job, living in a crappy trailer. Why is she able to get pregnant and not me? I'm 28, happily married for 6 years, have a brand new beautiful home, financially stable - why can't we get pregnant? TTC for almost 2 years and am now turning to traditional chinese medicine since we have had no luck with fertility drugs and can't afford a $25,000 adoption or $15,000 IVF especially when that's not a guarantee you'll get pregnant. Anyway, it's good to know I'm not the only one even though it sure feels that way.
213 - t
I understand i amd 32 my husbands 6 years younger we have been married for 4 years no baby, everyone around me is getting pregnant both my mother and sister got pregnant while getting de-virginized, just that simple for them. 2 ladies that work with me all of us started discussing getting pregnant and how cool it would be if we were all pregnant at the same time the very next month within days of each other both of them were pregnant and i am the oldest of the 2. Sucks for me, and the worst thing to hear is "when are you going to have a baby your not getting any younger!" As if i don't know that my husband whom i love so much is so optimistic but i really hate to hear these words every month "we'll get him next time babe!" i just want to scream my period comes like clock work and always has i've tried ovulating kits only tried egg yoke once my next step is the fertility specialist. I try not to think about it so much that it ruins my day, but i know in the bible some of the best men came from woman who were barren, and since there is nothing new under the sun i just continue to look toward the hills from whene cometh all of my help God Bless you ladies keep praying!!!
214 - Rosie
Susan God loves you try to love yourself and the rest will follow!
215 - gaye
hi Kate
Firstly Jeff you are a cretin as far as i'm concerned. Do you have kids, if not is you or your partner's problem? You obviously have no idea of the 'need' women have for wanting children.
righto off my soap box!
We had been married for 8 years and didn't want kids then suddenly, one day (literally) we changed our minds. We had our own successful business (a lot of stress and long hours)The day after we sold our business we 'celebrated' 9 months later we had alovely little girl. She will be 3 in october.
We have been trying for the past 3 years to have another...... apparently there is nothing wrong with either of us. According to the doctors i have secondary infertility which is quite common but not talked about much.
we have spent over $50000 in ivf & ai procedures in the 3 years.
I know we are very very lucky to have our daughter, but sometimes i actually resent her for causing this issue.
I have recently heard about hypnosis for relieving stress associated with infertility.
Well i am going to give it a go, at the very least i hope it makes me lose the urge to have another child so i can literally get on with my life, rather than be controlled by 2-3 days each month.
good luck and all the best for the future Kate, and thanks for your letter.
216 - Emily
Great article, very encouraging. My hubby and I have been trying for 4 months with no success. I am really trying not to stress about it. :-( Easier said than done.
I would absolutely love to adopt...but like your article said, we don't have the money and waiting 5+ years would be torture.
I hope you become pregnant soon! :-)
Emily
217 - nolechic
Hi Everyone,
My husband and I have been with each other for 8 years and married for almost 5. I am 30 and he is 35. I finished up grad school almost two years ago and we decided to start trying. We both have good jobs, a nice house, supportive and loving families, each other of course, but we really want a little family of our own.
I'm a girlie girl and would adore a little girl to play dress up with and paint her nails, and I love football and would enjoy Saturday afternoons on the couch with my son cheering away. I look forward to creating a loving home for our children. I know that my husband will be a great father.
We have been trying for over a year and a half now. I have had one miscarriage, after 14 months of trying and nothing since. I really am depressed about the whole thing. At first, my husband was really frustrated about us not conceiving and would ask me what was wrong, month after month, he'd say what is wrong why it isn’t happening. I would just tell him to calm down and dismiss it, because honestly, I wasn't worried about it. Naively, I just thought that it would happen, give it a couple months. We’ve tried everything that he’s read on the internet. I’m taking all kinds of vitamins and so is he. I’m still not pregnant. Now, he's calm about it and has resigned himself to telling me that it will happen when it happens and I'm the one flipping out month after endless month.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, 'one day', well that day came and went long ago and I'm no closer to that dream at all. My husband went to a fertility clinic and had his little swimmers tested and everything with him came back pretty much normal. I have an appointment with my GYN in October. Hopefully, everything will come back normal for me too. My mother didn't conceive me until she was 32 and then had my two brothers later, finishing up her trio at 37. So genetically, I really didn't think that I'd have a problem. I do have hypothyroidism, but none of my doctors have talked to me about how that would impact pregnancy or the lack there of. I'm so frustrated! I have officially become one of those women who only think about having a baby, morning, noon and night. Hence, how I stumbled onto your blog which has been extremely comforting and interesting to read.
Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and giving others hope. Good luck everyone!
218 - Danielle
I feel better having read this article and your postings. I havn't been trying that long (this will be the 4th month) but I feel like its been a life time. My best friend didnt want to get preganaunt until next year but after I started talking about it she started to want to try. She got pregnaunt on her first try and I am still waiting. She is trying to give me advise now. It's so hard to even talk to her about it. I just want to cry. i've always wanted to be a mom and it jsut scares me that it wont be possible and something is wrong with me. I don't know how to make myself feel better. My prayers are with you all! Danielle
219 - RESHAE'
I AM ALSO A 27 YEAR OLD, WHO HAVE BEEN TRING TO HAVE A 2ND CHILD AND I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE SAME PROBLEMS. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE TRIED THE LAST 5 YEARS AND I HAVE TRIED INFERTILITY TREATMENTS AND NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. ALL THE SOCTOR KEEP TELLING ME IS THAT YOU SHOULD TRY AND LOOSE SOME WEIGHT OR WE SHOULD THINK OF SOME KIND OF WAY TO GET YOUR HORMONES BACK IN TACK. SO I FEEL YOU ANGER.
220 - Renee
I've read so many blogs about infertility. I guess to make me feel better,even though it really doesn't. I would not wish my situation on any other person. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over two years. Apparently nothing is wrong with me. My husband has low sperm morphology (7% strict). I can't begin to explain how upsetting it is to go through this. I have been to two doctors now, have had ultrasounds and HSG. I am now on Clomid and the doctor wants to do an IUI. I don't know whether the doctor thinks this will work or if its like a fertility mill, where they try to get as many procedures done as possible. I feel angry and I do feel as though I have no purpose if I can't be a mom. The comments made by the men about being selfish are so insulting to me. A woman's natural drive is to be a mom. I don't know if I'll ever be a mom, and this makes me angry and bitter. Hopefully though, this post lets other women know that they are not the only ones going through this.
221 - Emma
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who shared on this forum. My husband and I have experienced late-life inferility; we conceived once after a year of trying when I was in my twenties, but could not grow our family biologically once in our thirties. Fertility was something I always took for granted. After years of monthly disappointment, I spiraled into terrible grief, and doctors only shrugged over my husband's motility issues. Herbal treatments had no effect, and I had horrible reactions to artificial insemination. After years of tears and frustration and heartbreak, on my 40th birthday I gave myself the gift of accepting that which I cannot control. I will always probably feel sadness about that period in my life when I felt such an unfulfilled longing and sorry that my son is an only child and unhappy about it, but have made a conscious effort and decision to thank Heaven for my blessings and move forward, assuming there is another plan for me. Maybe I will focus on worthwhile work. Maybe someday we will adopt. Whatever, I can't wallow in pain forever.
I embrace all of you in your pain, and empathize. I know it feels like punishment, or a magic spell that grants some people's wishes and not others. Rather than baby dust, which came to feel so brutally hopeless after a while, I wish for you what I have come to wish for myself: peace with whatever way it all goes.
222 - christy
Kate, I am in the same boat.. trying for almost 2 years nothing.
I notices this was back in 2007 and I was wondering If you ever got preganant?
223 - Christina C
Just reading this make me understand that what I am going threw is the same..I always wanted to have a child and now that im going to turn 21 I want it more. I started to try and get pregrent when I was 18 yrs old and still cant. My older sister and me suffer from depression and it suck cause it cause us not to be able to get pregrent.. we have to take birth control to be able to have our period.
224 - Katy
Kate,
like many others, who commented I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years. I have never used contraception with my husband or before we were married and we never had any close calls, so this always made me think that I was going to have issues gettig pregnant. I was diagnosed as having PCOS and was sent to an IVF specialist. In 2006/07 we went through the process of harvesting our eggs etc, as just having medication - clomid made me produce too many eggs for it to be safe for me to try and conceieve. so we had to go down the IVF path. However the process of harvesting my eggs made me very ill, i suffer from severe migraines and this medication i had to take made me have a migrane for the whole month, i was exhausted, physically ill and was hospitalised due to dehydration and severe pain. When the eggs were taken out they told us it was very successful as they had 26, my husband and i were so excited, then a day later they said 7 didn't survive but having 19 eggs, having 19 possible babies was amazing. three days later i had to go back into have a fertilised egg put back in, before we went in they asked us to speak with the IVF nurse who informed us that only 3 eggs out of the 19 had survived the last couple of days. My husband and I were silent, we just stared at one another and grabbed each others hands, i know it sounds like we were over reacting but when you think you have so many chances of getting pregnant, and knowing how sick i was to get us to this point, it was like we had lost a part of us. a hard feeling to describe.
after the egg was put in me, i was admitted back into hospital (migraines) my body just was not in a good place and we should have thought more carefully about it, but that need/desire of wanting to have little you or your husband running around takes over. Obviously we were not successful and after this i went into deep depression, friends were getting pregnant with ease around me, my brother's girlfriend fell pregnant by accident (and has had another by accident too now), if people were getting pregnant i was last to be told as they didn't want to upset me, i didn't want to leave the house and i would get sick all the time, i would cancel friends/family engagements i was meant to go to (my husband would have to go alone alot of the time- i just didn't want to see anyone happy) and would end up in hospital 2/3 times per year for 2 weeks with migraines.
i didn't want to begrudge someone the happiness of being pregnant but i just wanted to share the same experience with them.
So 2 yrs on I am in a fantastic state of mind, i love my job, i love my nieces and nephews (they have helped the pain, as i have chn in my life, and they love spending time with me and vice versa) and my periods are now regular as before due to the PCOS i was getting them every 3/4 mths. They did an internal ultrasound the other week and they said if they had to give a dagnosis of whether i had PCOS anymore thay would say no- excellent news. So we are back on the wagon (baby making wagon i mean), i have been using that microscope- called Maybe Baby that tells you through your saliva when you are ovulating, and i have been able to pinpoint exactly when i am. However i am 35 and once you turn 35 your chances begin to decrease, we have decided to use our eggs that are left, so we are going through another cycle, but will continue to try naturally, as that part is so much fun...as im sure you all know...I have come to realise that me being not as stressed, being happy with who i am, loving my gorgous husband, enjoying life is going to help rectify the problem and help with the solution. I have a great support group around me..... and i know i am meant to be a mother and if its not naturally i will succeed with other means, possible fostering as the money for adoption would be huge obstacle.
Kate congrats for writing this article, it really touched me and my prayers and thoughts go out to everyone. Just remember continue to live your life as its so short already....our time will come...it just may not happen the way we planned!!!
225 - MyA
Well Adoption Is Always Good... But To Me It Wouldnt Feel The Same As Having Your Very Own Pregnancy...Besides Like She Said...It Would Take Sum Years To Save The 25,000 plus dollars Just To Adopt. Im Only 20 Yrs Old... Married 2 the Love Of My Life. Hes 26 yrs Old. And We've been ttc Since I Was 18...but its hard cuz i have PCOS... Dont Think Nothing Is Wrong Wit MY HUbby Since We Had Gotten Pregnant in 2007 but m/c @ 11 weeks. but Hes Still Going To Do A Sperm Analysis Anyway Pretty Soon ...But My Point Was About The Whole TTC And Adoption Thing. I Want My Own Child...I Want to Go Through The Pregnancy And Pain Of HAving A Child No Matter What or How Long iT Takes... If someone thinks we should Adopt Then That Person Needs To Give Us The Money To Do So LOL.