Getting pregnant can be a chore and an emotional roller-coaster. Here is one woman's journey.
If you are a woman who has spent your life imagining what it would be like to have a child, then you know how exciting it is when you finally decide that you are ready to make that leap. You are finally prepared to put yourself second. You are willing to make a child the number one priority in life. You are ready to get pregnant.…
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— go to most recent comments76 - Irishgirl
Tami - Response #64,
THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your Do's and Don'ts. I've really been struggling with this. My sister, thankfully, feels that she can talk to me about her frustrations. Recently she found out another of her friends is pregnant, and she was just crying to me on the phone saying, "I want to be happy for her, but all I feel is angry."
I told her it was ok to feel angry, but didn't know what else to say. Now I know the little things that I can be more conscious of saying when we're talking, to keep her hope up.
You're suggestions are so appreciated! I wish the best for you and everyone who's posted their stories.
Irishgirl
77 - Debbie
Hello, My name is Debbie and I am 50 years old. I have four children. Two by birth, one adopted and one a step child. All four are blessings from God. My youngest daughter is 27 and has been with her mate for 5 years, married for the last 2. They decided to start trying to get pregnant last September 2007. It has been very emotional for her as each month for the last 6 months she continues to have her monthly period time. She was on birth control pills for 12 years. She had a very hard time with periods as a teenager and we started her on BC to try to regulate them. She thought she was pregnant just this last month and then the day after she told me she might be she had her period start. She is still taking it pretty well, but I can tell it is starting to get to her. About 2 years ago she had bleed for about two months and went in to the doctor and found that she had a pallip (?spelling) they did a flush and it came out and everything was fine. She is menstrating monthly but only for 3 to 4 days and not very strong. I have been doing some checking on the internet and found a lot of information about it but I don't really want to talk to her about it yet as this is her private struggle still and I don't think she is comfortable talking about it yet. I know that she is fearful but she doesn't want me to think that she may be having trouble.Because I don't think she wants to voice her concern yet. I can't imagine what it must be like to not know if you can have a child or not. My oldest sister, (I'm the youngest of seven) was unable to have any children and watching her go through her life I know that it hurt her. She has gotton through it and made the best of her life and ended up fostering and then adopting which was helpful. The cost was next to nothing because she ended up adopting one of the boys from the fostering program. He is now 36. So that was many years ago. I really just want to say to many of you, please don't give up go ahead and keep trying. But if you can...try to stop looking for answers to why. Because it makes you start to blame yourself and you are not at fault. In life things happen. Good or bad many times it has nothing to do with anything we do or have done. Sometimes things just happen. Make the very best you can of your life. And don't give up hope keep trying, but if you can accept that things just happen, then you might be able to relax and in the end have a better day to day life. Okay enough advice now just one more thing. Peoples bodies are all different. If you have not tried this approach then I would just like to offer you a fun way to see if it might work. I have heard that not all eggs travel done the same time path. Many hang on here and there and just take thier own sweet time. SOOOO, try this for 1 month. Have sex every other day for 30 days. That way sperm is always on the job. So if your egg is traveling later then it should be you still have a chance of conception because you continuously keep injecting sperm to basically chase the egg. Well, hope you don't mind my sugguestion. Keep in mind we are all blessed and can all effect our own lives just by making a choice every day when you wake up that you are going to have a great day and that you enjoy life and make the best you can out of each day. Then I pray that one of those great days you'll end up with a positive pregnancy test that will make that day a better day then you could have even hoped for. God bless you and remember, we are all special.
78 - Kelly
Am actually havin the same situation i have been trying or approximately 7mths and its not happening,iknow my boyfriend loves me but i get up some day and wonder if he is going to get sick of the situation and move on,am feeling lost i cry daily and it hurts me deeply to know that this might never happens.I dream about it and i would be the happiest woman in the world if i woke up tomarrow and am pregnant,All the ladies out there keep the faith tell yourself its goin to happen peace out.....
79 - Karla
Kate,
Hello. My husband and I tried to have a baby for 4 years. I was told I am that small percentage of unexplained infertilty. We looked into adoption also-and yes, its VERY expensive. By the grace of god we heard about Foster-adoption through our local Social Services. Have you checked into that?
I'm not saying it's easy but well worth it. Our Social Services paid for pretty much EVERYTHING. We were out around $150.00 for fingerprints. We now have a 19 month old daughter (adopted). We got her when she was 1 week old.
Yes, the children through Social Services have gone through something horrible in their life. In our case our daughters "bio" mom was a meth addict. she had already had 3 other children removed from her custody. Our daughter was born 4 weeks early, weighing 4lb, 7oz. She had trouble feeding but other than that was pretty healthy. She loves food now and is a very active, smart, cute, adorable 19 month old. Without us being a foster-adopt home, we wouldn't be parents now. We are waiting on child #2, to come into our home.
It is hard, the not knowing, but maybe you can check your local SS out? Good luck!
80 - Stephanie
Hi my name is Stephanie. My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years and we have a 11 year old son. Recently we have been talking about having another child but we have been having a lot of trouble getting pregnant. In 04' I had a surgery cause my periods were so bad that I was unable to even move. So I went to my doctor and he suggested a surgery where he would shoot hot water into my uteris. Oh my gosh was this painful. At that time my boyfriend and I was not wanting to ever have anymore children, but my doctor told me that because of my age he would not make it to where I couldn't have anymore children, that is why he suggested this specific surgery. Well now I am not being able to have any children and I don't know what to do. I've tried looking it up on the internet and asking others about it but everyone tells me that this surgery would not of prevented me from getting pregnant again.
If there is anyone out there that reads this knows of something that we could try please reply to this.
Sad,
Stephanie
81 - christine
Wow!! Did this article ever hit home. While I have yet to start fertility treatments (my doc refuses to refer me to an OBGYN or fertility specialist because in HIS opinion my infertility is more likely related to my weight than it is to the fact that I have EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM of PCOS and had surgery for pre-cancerous cervical cysts six months before we had the go-ahead to concieve). But believe me, after two years of trying, I DEFINITELY relate to your feeling in this article. I actually broke down and had a temper-tantrum like a little kid when I found out that my b.i.l's 19 y.o. girlfriend was pregnant. (the only person who witnessed that was my husband thank goodness)... it's refreshing to see someone admit to others those feelings of worthlessness and anger. I feel it tenfold I think, since I HAVE a child from a previous relationship. She wasn't planned, her father and I split when she was almost 1yr. It happened just like that... no temp. taking, no stupid little LH testing strips... just bam... wake up pregnant... and then five short years later, and you actually WANT a child, and your husband wants a child.... and... nothing... you try, and try, and try... and EVERYONE asks you... so... uh... when are you guys planning to have kids??? and you don't even know what to say anymore... the generic "we're working on it" doesn't work so well these days since it's hard NOT to say it with that sarcastic, bitter edge to it. And you can't exactly say, "I've been trying for TWO BLOODY YEARS!!!! GET OFF MY BACK YOU MORON!!!" Of course, at this point, the in-laws, and all close friends are well invested in your plight... and they try to "help" you... I have NEVER heard so much bullcrap in my LIFE!!! Some just ridiculous, others disturbing. (my f.i.l. asked my husband if he sweat alot during our attempts... told him if he didn't he wasn't trying hard enough... gave him a "you need to sweat more!!" pep-talk)
Either way.... the point of all this rambling is this: I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank-you for having the bravery and compassion to share your plight. It's appreciated more than you know.
~christine~
82 - alexis
everything u said is so true.. I am 27 and going through the same thing,, same guy for seven years and it's so painful seeing friends and people around u get pregnant and u can't .. I am so depress,, it hurts.. and the pressure from his family cause his sister and two brothers who has kids allready ,,
83 - Rose
Hello Kate,
I fully understand how you are feeling. I have been married for 3 years now and so far I have not been able to get pregnant. It is very frustrating at times. Every day I keep dreaming of having my own little bundle of joy. As you said, it is really painful when I see others pregnant. I keep thinking, "Why can't I be like that?" I have tried many doctors and lots of treatments, but no success. But I haven't given up yet. I keep praying that one day I will get the good news I am waiting to hear.
84 - kerra
hey it was five years for me untill I took a cold/sinus walmart brand and a sleeping pill boom I got pregnant and every time I take the two combined
85 - Teri
Ladies let me tell you a story that happen long ago. I was but 22 years and I had two beautiful daughters and really wanted that beautifully little boy to complete my family. But I got some horrible news my ovaries were beginning to die. I know all of you are wondering why is this woman writing this in this coloum when she has had two children well I am going to tell you I wanted my son so badly that I too went to the fertility specilist and mind you this was 25 years ago. And do you know how far behind they were then. What I am trying to say Ladies is don't give up I didn't and boy were they way behind back then and yes I cried alot and wished I had never done it but in the end I got this BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. Who by the way is about to bless me with a grand child. So please don't give up there is a ray of sun lite out there somewhere for everyone.
86 - EJ
#81 christine - to the busybodies who think your sex life is their personal business, yes, you can tell them to "---- off" and mind their own business. My boss CONSTANTLY asks me when I'm going to have kids and asks me if there's some kind of problem and I tell him "I'm barren as Siberia. It breaks my heart. Aren't you glad you asked?" I have no problem saying this to people. Even though I have no idea if I'm really barren. Maybe I am. Maybe my timing is off. Time will tell (but waiting is unbearable, isn't it?)
I've been married for 4.5 years. Been off (and on - don't ask) the Pill since mid 2006. Aggressively trying to get pregnant for a few months now, but no luck. Plus, I ask myself why it hasn't inadvertently happened in the meantime. Every time another of my friends/relatives gets pregnant "oops, lol I wasn't even trying!" or "oh, do I really even want this?" I want to scream. I hate everyone. But mostly myself for being infertile and envious.
I'll probably adopt if it comes down to it. But I too want the experience of pregnancy and childbirth. I'm 29. Hubby's 34. Time might be slightly on our side at the moment, but I'm aware that it's running out.
It's a hard road, ladies. But it's nice to know we're not alone.
And don't forget to tell clumsy, insensitive, hurtful, nosy people to mind their own ----ing business.
Love,
EJ
87 - nauan
Hi
very sad: You are not alone!, but Tha Fact.
trying 9 years! and... nothing
every minute, maybe every second thinking about it. It's so so so so so so painfull.
God bless us "not alones"
88 - Nichole
I understand where you are coming from. I had my first IUI two weeks ago and found out today that once again I'm not pregnant and I've been feeling sorry for myself all day. Finally I feel a little better but I know that this process starts all over in the morning.I'm suppose to talk to my DR and discuss a plan more that likely the same plan that we've been on. Good luck for the both of us and its in God's hands
89 - Ann
I am in the same boat. My husband and I have been wanting a child despite it not being "the right time" and we have been unsuccessfull for the past year and a half. During this time two of my college friends (single party girls) got knocked up and had a shotgun marriage, one of my college friends got knocked up and had an abortion, my married college friend had a baby, and my sister in law had a baby. Needless to say, I am quite bitter about it all especially since I had to hear my other sister in law whine about not being able to have ANOTHER baby and here I am Infirtle Myrtle, as barren as the desert throwing countless baby showers and wearing fake smiles. I have always wanted to be a mom and I feel like all I'm missing is the baby to mother. It really gets under my skin how easy it is for some women and how unfair it is that these kids that are not even old enough to vote get to be mommies and I did everything right, college, marriage, financial stability first. I read an article the other day that said that if you want to have kids and a career you should do the kids first because there's a timeline on fertility but you could be a successful business person at any age. At the age of 28 your fertility takes a drastic plunge into oblivion and you can almost kiss motherhood goodby. I hope this is not true because I am fast approaching that fateful age and I'm still not pregnant.
90 - Tara
I was feeling somewhat better reading this, and all the comments. I am the only woman I personally know that cannot get pregnant, everyone else just 'gets pregnant' by accident.
I feel guilty that I didn't start trying earlier, I just turned 30 and have only actually been trying since October of 2007. Month after month if my period is a day late I get so excited, only to become tearful and depressed when I find out that yet another month has gone by.
If anyone tells me to 'just adopt' I will seriously punch them. That is not a solution, and I have actually tried to adopt. It is actually more difficult to attain than having my own child! They say there are so many unwanted children in the world, well why is it so hard to adopt them? Unless I have a LOT of money, more than it would take for IVF and am a 'perfect example' person it probably won't happen.
Now my husband says he doesn't know if he wants children now. We'd spent so long trying, I guess it's his way of coping with the fact that we just can't have children, not without drastic medical intervention. I always thought IVF was foolish, now it's my light of hope.
Now I see so many women having twins and triplets, I know they must have had medical 'help' because normally having twins is rather rare.
If anyone wants to talk to me, I would appreciate it. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, since everyone I know has 'accidents' and can't relate to me.
[Personal contact info deleted]
91 - Amy J
Wow! I just googled "I can't get pregnant" and came across this blog that was started like a year ago. Amazing. I just want to share my story now too.
I am 29 years old and am having difficulty getting pregnant. I was on the pill for 10 years and almost exactly 1 year ago I stopped taking it. My husband and I have been married for just about two years now and decided we were ready to "let God take the reigns" and have the attitude that "if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't." Yeah right! Easy to say, but not very easy to believe. Especially now that we have been trying for so long with no luck. And, just to pour salt on the wound, almost every female I know within 10 years of my age has been pregnant, some mutiple times already! And I have trouble being happy for any of them. I actually get really bummed when I hear that someone else I know is pregnant. They dont' know it though, I would never put my problems on someone else. It's not like they are getting pregnant just to spite me! :)
Now, I just try to keep up hope. I just recently went to my OBGYN and had my yearly and we talked a little about my possible infertility. He told me that my cervix looks like the picture in the text book, and to try a few more months and if nothing happens to make an appointment with him for a consultation. So, it's been a few more months and I have made that appointment and will go from there. He did tell me the first thing we would do is to have my husband's sperm checked. I am looking forward to starting all of this because if there is a problem I just want to know instead of trying blindly every month with no results.
I have somewhat irregular periods too. I remember having quite long and heavy periods as a teen and I didn't count but I am pretty sure I had one every month. On the pill my period was like clockwork every month. After getting off the pill I started counting days to try and figure out my cycle and for the first two months it came on day 30. Since then it has ranged from 28 days to 39 days...it's never the same every month. I tried charting my BBT but because my cycles are so irregular, that only confused me, so this past month I tried an OPK which I liked a lot! If it didn't happen for me this month, which I would bet it didn't, I will continue trying the OPK's to help figure out when to best have intercourse. Of course, that put a downer on our sex life. My husband hates having to plan intercourse and it actually puts so much pressure on him that sometimes he can't "finish". Don't get me wrong, this isn't a frequent thing, most of the time he does, it's just sometimes when he just feels too much pressure and feels like I just want to do it for his sperm, which is sometimes true! :) But I try to spice it up and make it more spontaneous, but it's still difficult and I am so tired of all the trying and no luck! And I am so tired of everyone telling me to stop stressing. Honestly, I don't feel like I am stressing that much. I probably have been more lately, but during the other months I feel like I didn't get upset until my period would arrive because I would feel a huge let down. My hormones can really make me an unpleasant person sometimes. Thank goodness it only lasts a day or two! I still have the hope that this will all happen naturally and I am still young enough to keep trying, but if I could make it happen now, I would. Honestly, I am just so emotionally drained and tired I almost hope the doctors do find something so they can fix it and we can have our baby!
If they do find something wrong, and God forbid it can't be fixed, I hope I can just get on with my life and be happy without children. I think my husband would be okay. I do feel the guilt though wondering if he will change his mind about it one day and leave me for a woman who can conceive. Unless it's his fault we can't conceive. I know adoption is an option, and so is IVF, but all that cost money that I don't have and right now I am not emotionally ready to really think about that seriously. What I want is to have a product of my husband and myself, with our genes, and I want to experience being pregnant. Maybe it's just not our time, but I will just keep up the hope that it will happen someday soon and will keep learning about infertility and other options until I either have a baby or am told that we can't have kids naturally and give up altogether.
92 - Sydney
It's so unreal to try for so long to prevent pregnancy only to wish nothing more than to be pregnant at this exact moment.
I am 27 years old and a cancer survivor. My husband and I have tried for over 1 1/2 years. He had his sperm checked, and there are definite problems with no definite solutions. I always thought I would be the reason my partner and I didn't have children.
I can't explain to my friends and family--or even to my husband for that matter--how much it hurts. While I know he hurts, too, he is not the one waiting each month for a period to come --or more importantly not to come. The worst, however, are those phantom pregnancy symptoms that build up the unstoppable hope that maybe this month is the ONE. And then, AF visits and all hope is lost for another week or two.
Like some coincidence right out of a horror story, we learned a few months back that all three of his siblings (he only has three) are pregnant at the same time. Two were not even trying and had "accidents." Bitter. Oh, I know that feeling. People I work with, family, friends, heck, even movie stars like Angelina Jolie are replenishing the world at a rapid pace.
But the situation is what it is, and Nature does not play favorites. And so I will wait for it to be my turn, and it WILL be my turn in some form. I won't lie, though. The waiting...and wanting...and longing are...there.
93 - Dereka
Thankyou for this... You are not alone.
94 - Womb4Improvement
Wow Kate, your article really hit home, a year on and people are still commenting.
I too have been trying to get pregnant with the boy (now man) that I met when I was 18 and we had all the time in the world to get there. Now pushing 32 and over a year and a half with no joy its getting harder and harder to believe those two lines on the pregnancy stick will ever appear.
I've started a blog about my experiences and invite any/ all of you to share and support each other.
95 - Jane
Hello All,
I have just 'stumbled' across this site & am outraged at the awful comments telling you how selfish you are! Wanting a child is not selfish, it is the best job in the World. Especially when you have so much love & nurturing to give and we see so many children hurt or abused in this World. Yes it is unfair & we don't always understand it but there are answers out there. If you don't get the answers you want from your doctor then find one who will listen, they are not always right & they don't always know everything. We tend to put them on pedestals & think their word is law. Well I for one believe we need to trust our instincts, pay attention to our bodies & believe that we can change things.
You are very brave to put your feelings out there so honestly and no one has the right to dismiss how you feel or tell you what to do with your life. By more of us opening up and speaking about the pain & sorrow (And the feeling of inadequacy that goes with it) we may change the stigma that is attached to not having children.
I have recently been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (I'm 38) (To add to my Crohn's disease) which came as quite a shock as I have no other symptoms whatsoever!!! I'm not overweight, no abnormal hair, no acne, regular peiods, all blood tests were normal, it even looked like I was ovulating as all the signs were there. Imagine my shock when I had an internal scan & there they were....no ovulation, just empty sacs. Boy am I relieved!! The reason, after 3 miscarriages & 4 years of trying I know I'm close to getting answers. I have been asking doctors for years if there was any connection to my Autoimmune illness (Crohn's - which is stable) & miscarriages/pregnancy & they have all replied No, absolutely no connection whatsoever. Well my instinct told me otherwise so I kept researching. There is a fantastic book by Dr Alan E. Beer 'is your body Baby friendly' who answers all the questions that I had. It investigates how having an autoimmune illnes (Crohn's, Thyroid, Rheumatiod Arthritis - to name a few) can have a detrimental affect not only carrying a baby to term but how it affects implantation. So if it has been even slighty suggested to you that you have an autoimmune illness or are not getting the answers you deserve, find a doctor that will listen. Not overly easy but I found mine the day I read the book! Apparently a lot of doctors dismiss Dr Beers findings but if it helps us have a baby then I have no time for 'scientific studies'. Check out
I think I've gone on long enough for one day LOL but I do hope you all find the answers you are looking for & have all the babies that we deserve.
By the way, there are TONS of complementary therapies out there to help you along. Acupuncture & Reflexology are amazing at helping your body heal itself.
Sending you all Baby dust & love
96 - deb
Thank you for writing this. My sister (34 years old) has been trying for three years. They actually have tried fertility treatments- to no avail.
She has these same feelings of guilt, anger, and humiliation. She definitely feels alone. It is hard for me to help, because I do not have and do not really want children.
What can I do to help her cope? She is my sister, and I want to help her through what is rapidly becoming a full-on depression. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
97 - Lisa
Thank you for your article. I have also been trying for three years now to get pregnant (just turned 30) - and was diagnosed last year with high fsh, which apparently is very uncommon in women my age. Anyway, it is stories like yours that helps me to feel not so alone with this. Infertility seems to be one of those taboo topics that you can't really discuss with anyone except very close friends and maybe family, which is a very small circle when you think about how many times a week people ask the 'so when are you going to have a baby??'.
In response to Deb #96 above re your sister - the best thing to do is just to be there to listen to your sister when she wants to talk about it. Because infertility can create a sense of isolation, it is nice to be able to connect with people who care about what you are going through. THat is the best gift and support anyone can give.
Thanks again for the article. It gives strength to know that there are others who have the same feelings at showers, and who struggle with the same questions. What a process indeed!
98 - Lynn
My story is a little bit different and yet the same. Before I married my husband two years ago, he informed me a doctor had told him it was highly unlikely that he would be able to have children. I love him and he is my other half, so of course I married him anyway. My sisters and sister-in-laws and friends are all getting pregnant around me and it can be really hard knowing I'll never experience that. I know God has a plan for my marriage and I stay happy knowing He must have something else really special planned for my life whether adoption or something else. Best wishes to all of you ttc. Just remember that there is beauty in this world and try to seek it out. God bless!
99 - NISHA
Like most of you it seems as though I can not have a baby to save my life, But you know what I have been blessed by God with two beautiful God kids whom I love as my own. A boy and a girl. Me and my boyfiend has wanted to try and have a child for about 2 years now and well we havent had the chance to say were about to be parents, but God knows what hes doing. Hey you never know you might try your last try and end up twins. Good luck to all and stop stressing live and let God!!!
100 - Kristina
Wow Kate! I must say, over a year on the message board and your blog is still getting frequent hits, its absolutely amazing.
I must thank you for having the courage to put a voice on the pain of not being able to get pregnant. It's a comfort to find someone (in this case many someones) that I can relate to on such a specific and personal level.
I like all those who have blogged before me have found myself trying to concieve without any positive result. I am 27 married for 2 years, my husband, a flight attendant travels a lot - so we get to the baby making as often as possible when he is home! LOL! I am the youngest in my family (of almost all girls) and to boot I am my mother's only daughter! I am the ONLY girl in my family to not have children yet. My sitting service and child rearing skills have been tweeked to perfection in the last 14 years! So, My husband and I decided that we were ready to "try" to get pregnant.... fastforward, and I have been off the pill for about 16 months and almost immediately went back to irregular periods. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16 and almost instantly suffered from the weight gain... as I have aged I have have noticed more and more of the side effects from this condition. I keep active, work all the time and am as far as you can get from being a couch potato.
I have a relativley new gyno, whom I don't love and I am currently looking for another. She was made aware of my PCOS and prescribed Provera - which made no sense since I took that already when I was younger. She too told me that my weight and my stress levels from work would interfere with my pregnancy results! Like I needed to be stressed out more! She told me to make an appointment to come back (should be sometime soon)to discuss fertility drugs. So, out of frustration - I have tried to educate myself on all the methods of natural conception as well as to know about what is available from the medical field. There is much, and the process of trying to figure out which is best for me is painstaking to say the least.
I keep toying with my own inner self and I find that I am litterally on a sew-saw of emotions. My longing to have a child is so strong, yet when faced with the cost and extra expense of infertility treatments - I question where my head is? I am the bread winner, and the money person in our relationship. We are just shy of paying off our wedding and about a year or so away from satisfying our credit debt. We rent, and for now it works for us, However- a home and a family are ultimately what I want. Question is, how long am I willing to wait to make it happen?
I thank you and all those who have been positive and upbeat about this painful process as it has provided me the opportunity to reflect on the matter and vent some pent up frustrations. It has helped me to find a new direction.
~Kristina
101 - stacy
I've been married for 3 years, and still not pregnant. I am 34, and my husband 36. I've had 2 iui, and i have one more chance before doctor puts me on more medications. the 2 iui didn't do anything for me. It gave me false hope that i might be pregnant, but i am not. I know exactly where all you ladies are coming from: everywhere i look, pregnant ladies everywhere, and it saddens me, sometimes i look fondly upon babies at the markets and at the mall. I wonder when will it happen to me. What if it never happens to me. I know that only God can give and take a life,so i'm waiting for His time, then i get encouraged, but it doesn't last long, i go back to feeling sorry for myself, and sometimes feel that i should leave my husband so that he can have a chance to have a family. I"m so sadden by my lack of faith in God. His grace is sufficient for me.
102 - brandi
I am 29 and ive been tryin to get pregnant for six years.I dont have good enough insurance so i havent had any test done. I ve always felt like i was born to be a mom since i was a little girl.I DO ALOT OF PRAYING AND I TRY TO HAVE FAITH!!!!!I have a very loving husband and very understanding.If we were able to adopt i would in a heart beat,no matter age or race, i just want to be a great mom and share all this love i have to give.so i just pray and have faith it will happen.
103 - stephanie
hi im 26 and have been trying to
iv already had a wee boy who turns 9 soon but i keep miscarrying my last was only a week and a half ago and im totally gutted i new i was pregnant cause i had all the signs but something inside me kept saying don't take the test so i never did and my period came, just by chance i had a check up at the hospital and turned out i had miscarried just a few days before even thought i never new i was pregnant im just gutted i just cant seem to get past 6 weeks they'v referd me to the hospital but still wont bring back all those baby's iv lost
104 - Traneis
Ok, I just read your blog and the tears began to flow. For people who are not going through this, they will never understand. Like that one individual who called us selfish for wanting children because the world is overpopulated. Well the world is also heavily polluted but that doesn't stop people from wanting new cars. But because it is a baby, people don't understand it. I know that you said that you are not obsessed but I am. I get up every morning and track this and chart that thinking that this maybe the month. I hold onto hope even on the first day I see a little flow. I tell myself, "Oh, that could be implantation bleeding." For those of you who are not TTC, let me ask you this. Imagine wanting something so bad for so long and getting an answer, not 1nce a year, but EVERY MONTH! BIG FAT NO! Nobody says "Oh, your crazy for wanting a new house or a new car. But because we desire to be mothers, we are considered selfish and obsessed. WHat a crackhead or an unmarried woman can get without trying, we have to be analyzed by a group of people to determine whether or not we are worthy (referring to adoption process). People say that parenthood is not all it is cracked up to be. Okay, maybe so, but why can't I experience that for myself? That is just your opinion. Maybe we won't feel that way. This has been a very long process for me as well. I have been TTC for 3 years and 1 month with. 36 "no's" and one "yes", only for that yes to turn around on me and become a no 2 weeks later (miscarriage on Christmas day). I know the pain that comes along with wanting, so please fellow bloggers, if you are not experiencing this grief, do not be judgemental. If you have never been an alcoholic, you can't tell me what it is like to be an alcoholic. So it is the same with this situation. You have never been infertile so don't presume to tell me what you think about it if you are not going through it. Have a heart and show compassion. Sometimes it is a lonely road....The URL is one for inspiration. If you are TTC, you should watch it..
PS Grab your kleenex box....
105 - Shelly
Wow Tranies...
Very touching!
I am experiencing the very same thing. Been trying for almost 2 years now, and still no baby. People just don't understand what it feels like until they go through this themselves.. I just found out today that one of my friends got pregnant on the very first try, Instead of me being happy for her, I came home and cryed like a baby out of jelousy, envy, all them kind of emotions that go through a woman that knows theres somthing missing in her life... and you just can't shake that empty feeling. I feel like I'm being robbed of motherhood! its just heartbreaking. All I can say, is I wish every woman who wants to be a mother out there all the luck in the world!! Please be strong! ( I should take my own advice!) Please keep posting... its good to know that I'm not alone here...
106 - nova
I am also 27 year old, have been married for six years and until now I have not conceived. We adopted a girl last May and I tried to forget about conceiving but after hearing another negative comment from my neighbor regarding my daughter that she could not believe that she's my daughter because I am barren this led me again to crave to get pregnant but afte reading all your comments, I don't care anymore if I would get pregnant or not...Let us enjoy life and be happy!
107 - Marie
Kate,
I hope you are pregnant by now if not I am sorry to hear that. I have unknown to my parents and everyone been trying to get pregnant since I was 17 and I am now 27! I have always wanted to be a mom. I was married for 4 years and divorced. My husbands we can't adopt was what finished it. I went to doctors, had irregular periods, etc. Was even told that I could have kids but I let two cysts on my ovaries burst and I that could keep me from having kids. Never used protection and that was playing with fire. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. The father isn't around but I know how it is. The funny thing is everyone told me to stop thinking about having a kid but the want was so great I didn't think I'd ever get over it. I finally decided in April that I couldn't make a relationship work and that maybe it wasn't meant to be and I had to find my life. I was with someone that I thought this isn't going to work but let's have fun and oops I went to the doctor and your pregnant! Daddy left and for the first time in 10 years I moved back in with my parents but I don't understand why now but I still consider it a blessing. I hope that you will get yours and I hope you stop thinking about it so you can have your miracle and if not you can always adopt. It's not the same but I was going to if I didn't I hope you do and I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. I am very understanding in how bad you want a kid.
108 - Jennifer
Hi Kate,
I am 25 and like you my husband and I have also been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. I know exactly how you feel. My brother and his wife just had my third niece and even though I love my nieces to death the whole process of her being pregnant and showing me the ultrasound pictures made me have a feeling of resentment and jealousy inside. My husband tells me not to worry about it all the time but I really don't think he understands how I feel cause he has two boys from previous relationship. I love his boys like there mine but they don't fill the void I have in my heart of wanting to have a child with your features that you can bond with from day one and that will call you mommy. I hope the best for you and I will pray that God will bless us both!
109 - Luisana
Hi Kate
i really would love to hear an update! I found this article tonight while searching for an answer, Ive been maried for 3 years but ive been trying to concieve for 1 idk what's wrong i havent been to any doctor yet i want to go to mexico and see if they have cheaper medication! Im 21 years old! All my cousins are having babies.... Im starting to feel the pressure! I really would like to know the kind of money you are spending on your treatments! PLEASE WRITE BACK SOON!
110 - Claudia
I can really understand your feelings. I have a four year old. I got pregnant with her after 3 months of trying and now we've been trying for 1year and a half for another baby and to no avail. My daughter prays every night because she wants someone to plays with. I am 34 years now and I feel that I dont have much time left. I really wish you all the best Kate and I really hope that you will get pregnant. Take care and I will keep you in my prayers
111 - Elisa
I haven't read every comment, but wanted to add that there are some states that mandate that any insurance that covers birth control must also cover IVF. Maryland is one of them. I know moving isn't a realistic option for some people, but if it is an option - or if you're looking for a job and might be willing to move anyway - it is something to consider.
Also, I really highly recommend the Shady Grove Fertility and Reproductive Science Centers which are affiliated with Johns Hopkins University. Not only do they seem to have high success rates (I am in my third IUI cycle with them, aged 37 with a 46 year old husband with low morphology and "delivery issues"), but they are also very kind and thouroughly committed to the physical and mental health of both partners. They also have some interesting financing options for folks without insurance coverage for fertility treatments
112 - Heather
I am now 32 years old and have been trying to become pregnant naturally for more than 8 years. I have PCOS and it just doesn't seem to be happening. I hear the drugs are not too effective. I am due at the fertility clinic on Monday but I'm not sure if I can cope to well emotionally with the drugs not working. Thanks to everyone who has written the blogs
113 - Crystal
Married for 5 1/2 years, trying for 4. My husband is getting very bitter and I am exhausted and depressed. This wasn't supposed to be so complicated. No attempts at fertility testing--I don't think I would take fertility medicine (personal reasons), but I mostly fear hearing that there isn't a problem. If that is the case, it would seem that motherhood just isn't something I'll get to experience. So I keep putting it off...
114 - lu
Lot of prayers and love to all who are TTC. My daughter and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for three years now. It is sad when all her friends and cousins are having babies, I can see it in her eyes. The hurt,sadness,the longing. She was going to a doctor who put her on clomid, no explanation really on what it would do, when she should start it, or most important, why she wasn't conceiving. Nothing happened so she gave up. Everymonth she "thinks" she's late. Someday they'll have their baby and the angels will be smiling on them. To anyone out there who thinks why would anyone want a baby? Its called LOVE.
115 - Amy
Hi there Kate...I can say I understand 100%. I have been married 8 years and trying to get pregnant for 4 of thos 8. There is nothing wrong with me that they can tell, beside I don't make enough progesterone, but meds can fix that...still couldn't get pregnant. We tried adopting, or should I say are trying, its been almost 2 years with no results on that either. It can be expensive, but try domestic if you don't mind maybe having a todler to older child. The cost is much less. Makes me sad reading all the posts...I feel for all of you. Any one else out there tired of hearing "dont think about it" or "it will happen, just give it time"? cause I am telling you one more person says that to me and I can't tell you what my response may be =)! So to those of you out there, its nice to know I am not the only one...but it still hurts deep inside every single day. Kate this is a nice site. and I give you credit for being brave and getting out there and voicing your thoughts.
116 - Crystal
Amy--
I hear those things all the time. I'm seriously considering punching people in the face for saying such dumb stuff. I also highly appreciate the rib jabs followed with, "Oh...you guys are next..."
117 - Judy
I found this website as I googled "young and healthy, why can't i get pregnant?"....not that i was looking for someone in the same situation as I am - i've found many of those website...yet I was looking to see if there's an answer as to why I am 24 years old, healthy and been trying to get pregnant for the past 13 months. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. And as my next cycle started today, I've spent my day crying and thinking why me? what have I done wrong in life to deserve this? My husband is 36 and has a daughter from a previous relationship and yet I haven't been able to give him a child. We've known each other for about 15 years and we've been married since 2005. In the past few months we've argued because I had started to blame him for our misfortune but in reality I really don't blame him - i just argued because I was really mad at another unsuccesful month. And then since last month I've started to blame myself. I know I have felt into depression because i've been feeling so down and moody for the past couple of weeks and I'm not like that - i'm a happy go-getter always smiling type of person. I've also decided to give up - not because its been 13 months since we've started trying but because he's already 36 and I don't want him to be an old dad and I know he wants a child as bad as I do and i'm planning to ask him for a divorce. I know he can be happier with someone else that can give him a child. I feel that there's a big hole between us - we see friends and relative get pregnant and give birth left & right - as a matter of fact one of our closest friends is in the hospital and is about to get a c-section tonight; sex has basically become a job and everytime I just pray that we got it this time. Not being able to conceive has become a big burden upon us. I know many say "just hang in there!", "it will happen" - its easier said than done. I think my journey of trying to conceive ends today. thank you Kate for posting a wonderful blog.
118 - AR
Be grateful for the fact that you are still young and have a loving relationship. Like you I craved to have a baby more than anything but did not find the right man and got married at the age of 34. You still have time on your side to keep trying and to consider alternative means if natural conception fails.
119 - Eyyüp
well if you cant have a chilren... but dont worry, life is belong to us, and yea life is a cup of orange juice, drink it, and thank back
120 - Crystal
Hi Kate, how are you doing? It's so moving to read your article and the stream of comments that others have written. I'm typing this while I dry my tears as my heart goes out to all the ladies going through this same thing. My husband and I have been together 15 years, and married for 8 of those; and we haven't had much luck getting pregnant either. Yes, we've been to doctors and done a whole load of tests, but it is always the same thing... I do not have the hormones needed for getting pregnant as my body is aging quicker than I am.
I have good days and bad days... most of the time I believe that perhaps it is not our time yet, or that it is not meant to be and we tend to have the "if it happens, it happens" attitude. But somedays, I just feel so useless. My husband loves kids, and he is great with them... I've seen the way he is around kids and it drives me crazy that I can't give him the one thing he wants most. :(
The irony is, I was raped when I was a teenager. And guess what, I got pregnant then... long story short, the pregnancy was terminated. That was so long ago, and yet sometimes, it feels like yesterday. I sometimes wonder if this is my punishment. But I have no regrets as my life would have been so different - as I wouldn't have finished school and become a low-income single mother of a rapist's child.
All I can do now, is live life with my husband, and we are generally quite happy. We still hope that one day a miracle will happen, but if that day doesn't come... I'll continue to have my good days... and my bad days. I'm now 38, and the clock is ticking... we are considering adoption.
121 - preethy
I am 24 years old, have been married for 9 months and until now I have not conceived.but my i and my husband loves child very much.not only that my mother in law want as early as possible so we are very eager to conceive.as i and my husband trying very interestingly the menses periods are coming earlier before to the date it is coming 8 days before.why?please answer me.i don't have anyone to ask.i cant share my doubts with any one.am trying to consult a doctor.but some body are saying wait for one year and then go.but my mother in law is very eager to get.i searched many web sites.but am not getting the answer for the people of recently married.i can't understand what to do.am hearing that the couple who are married in the same time when we got married,are getting pregnancy.please help me and let us enjoy life and be happy with child.and also i have some doubts to clarify dont no with whom to discuss?some times am simply crying because am not a person to share my the doubts with all the people.please help me
122 - Dereka
I'm 27 also and I have done years of research. I have been trying to get pregnant for years now. It just seems as if it will never happen for me. I want a child a little girl. I'm single also, I can't even find a man that wants one with me. I guess I'm having relationship problems and fertility as well. God help us all. My dad's real sick. He has a hole in his lungs and is now taking kemo-therapy. I want to come up to him so bad and tell him. " You need to stay here for a little while longer. You need to take your grand daughter shopping or play with your grand son." I'm just tired of crying and tired of what-if's. I'm tired of fantising and daydreaming. Tired of hoping, wishing, and praying. I want a child of my own some day.
123 - Nancy
I know all about those feelings and thought we got married 7 years ago, the seond year start trying after 8 month we got it, 2 weeks after I notice I was pregnat I miscarrieged. I've never thought this could happend to me, a friend of mine had a miscarriege 2 month before I did, and I just was asking my self what that happend to her she suffered a lot in her life to also have to go thorugh this pain. And then was me. After that 4 years have passed with a lot of test, doctors, herbs, massages, surgery, but nothing. Sometimes I tryied to think positive and look around me and see all the other beattifull things life give you every day but sometimes I just keep in my mine the feeling the hapinest i felt that morning when I see the positive all the dreams I just started to have and suddenly disapeared. There is people all over praying for us, but still God doens not want to give us that gift, sometimes I just think that he gives me a lot of great gift daily but sometimes I ca not enjoy them cause there is only one thing in my mine. Thank you for being there.
124 - jamie
i've been trying to get pregnant for the past two years now NOTHING ...it's crazy that everyone that doesn't care to have kids are popping them out like no other . i want my family and i've been dreaming and praying to be a mom since the day i got married . Everyone in my family are fertile myrtles . and me on the other hand is struggling . my family always tells me that the lord will give you a child when your ready to have a child. i beleive in the power of prayer and for me and everyone out there the lord will bless you if you only trust him to do so. He knows what your heart desires and he will bless you with a child when he thinks it time our time is not the lords time . Be patient and i will be praying for everyone out there ...Patience is a virto
125 - Chloe Sampson
After reading all of your posts, I cannot help but to cry. I'm 22 years old, and I've had two abortions. I have never told anyone this but my mother...and now I feel like I'm telling the world. Please, hear my story. I cannot go into detail about the feelings I had when I was pregnant. When you grow up in a family with money and power, and you're a 22 year old college student, it feels like you have no choice...even though you do. I won't go into detail about my experiences with abortion and prenancy, but, I will confess that it haunts me everyday of my life, before every moment that I lie my head on the pillow, and before every moment I fall asleep, I can only attempt to beg for forgiveness. Your stories make me sob. I feel awful for the decisions I've made. Now, my boss's wife cannot have kids, has tried everything, and is spending thousands on fertility treatments. All I want to do is have a child for her...maybe even for me...but mostly, for her. I would never ask for money or anything in return, it would only serve as a gift and as repentance for my sins. Is this wrong? I have never spoken to anyone about these feelings and I have desperately tried to shove them to the back of my mind. Still, they never go away. I am still "pro-choice" but I will never be "pro-abortion"...if that makes any sense at all...? If anyone knows anything about having a child for someone who cannot conceive, I would deeply appreciate your information. This isn't regret, this is a young adult growing up. The pressure in our world today is something that few understand. Thank you for listening to my jumbled thoughts that all came out at once. Please respond with anything you feel neccessary.