A cathartic dumping of frustration results in numerous comments and the realization of just how polarizing this issue can be.
On May 25, 2007 I published one of my first articles at Blogcritics. It was a very personal piece called "Can’t Get Pregnant? You are Not Alone", detailing my nearly three-year struggle to get pregnant. It was one of the very first things I wrote for BC and I could not, for the life of me, figure out why I felt so compelled to write about something that I had not even really talked about with friends.…
Article comments
26 - Sarah
I have been trying for 18 months. I am so low and pray every day I don't have to go through IVF or adoption. The meaning of life is to have children. I have no friends in the same situation. So nice to read all these comments and no its not just me.
27 - Santanita
I dont seem to have a problem getting pregnant, i seem to have the problem staying pregnant. i have had at least 20 miscarraiges. i have stopped going to the doctor just cuz they cant do anything but tell me to relax.
Ive given up gettig pregnant. only now i find that after 6 different birth control pills and 6months of migraine headaches i cant take them. the doctor says stop having sex for a while till he can figure it all out. im pretty frustrated. My husband wishes we could get past it all, he hates to see me so upset.
the problem is i see a baby and get all emotional.
I tell myself i just need to toughen up, but, it bothers me that so many women have the babies and they dont even want the baby. my sister included. My husband agrees. we recently saw on the news the 23 year old mommy that was tired of her 3 year old, and suffacated him, not once but twice. she did cpr just so she could kill him again. then she tells the cops, " i did not want him to grow up feeling unwanted." WTF is that?
28 - Danielle
thank you for your wonderful, yet heartwrenching story...I'm so glad you got your happy ending! Your first story made me cry, i feel like I could have written it myself. Your follow up made me cry, too, with happiness for you and hope for myself. I am 32 and my husband is 37. We have been trying for 15 months, with no luck. And it seems everyone around me is pregnant. My 19 yr old sister just had a baby girl 2 weeks ago. I work in childcare and 5 of my co-workers are expecting, as well as about 10 parents. Both of my sisters are baby machines, one has had three abortions in the last three years (imagine how it feels to be me in that case. I cant make a baby, she uses abortion like birth control.) The other as I said, just had a girl, and was also pregnant @ 16, which she terminated out of necessity. The only thing I ever wanted to be was a mom, and every month my heart breaks a little more when it doesnt happen. Thank you for your inspiring story, it means alot to know that I am not alone, and to have hope for my own happy ending.
29 - Betty
I am 37 and have PCOD. It is very difficult to have a baby. It just seems like a very distant dream to be pregnant. I had IVF done 2months back but it failed. I want to try another round of IVF. Looking at your story, I feel, it may be possible to get pregnant without doing IVF too.
My periods too were very irregular.
I am very Happy to hear about your babies. God bless all in your family.
30 - jennifer
I cried reading this..my husband and i have been trying for 3 years and now he wants to give up. Im 26 and hes almost 37 says hes to old now. Im heart broken and I feel totally useless
31 - susan
thank you for your story. It made me cry especially the part of feeling useless and guilty. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 21 months and are awaiting review by a fertility specialist. My husband has been so good through out this but I am so scared that will be told I will never get pregnant and if I do get that news how can I cope with never giving my husband something I know he really wants just as much as me?
32 - jess
My partner and I are trying to concieve in september 2009 so our baby is born in june 2010 but I have a fear that im not fertile! But I guess we will have to wait and see! I am 19 and peope say im stupid but I want to have a young family so I can be closer to them and have a lot more energy!
33 - Love
Thanks for your articles, they are really an eye opener. I have been trying to conceive for 19 months now, although I have been diagnosed of fibroid. I believe to get pregnant some day as I take my herbal remedy seriously. Keep your good work going.
34 - fasha
My husband and I have been trying for over 11 years and we have not been successful. When i was younger i always dreamed about getting a family, but i never dreamed that it would turn out this rough. my sister has only been married a year and half and now has a daughter. So of course my parents are pushing me to have one. i wish it was so much easier.
35 - raquel
you are a go getter and you wanted that and your determination causes you to achieve.i am having the same concerns but just beginning the process here hoping that i will conceived by faith.
36 - CINDY
Thank you for your story. I needed to read something like that becouse I'm about to give up on having another baby. Me and my husbend having been trying for almost to years now and everytime I get my monthy time I wont to cry and cry. At my little sisters baby-shower I was so sad that I had to leave before she could even say anything to me. The next time that I go and see my doctor I'm going to ask what I can do to inprove my chances of having a baby.
Thank you for your story I really needed it
37 - aisha
Thank you very much for being brave enough to publish your story,That is wonderful I am so happy for you!!!!
38 - Erin
I cried and cried after reading both of your articles - the "I can't get pregnant" and the update. You hit the nail on the head with validating one's feelings. My husband and I have been trying for 6 months, and although that is not nearly as long as your journey, I feel so frustrated and useless. I'm so tired of people telling me "you're young you have plenty of time" or "stop stressing just let it happen" or "If you stop trying it will happen." I'm 28 and every month I'm not pregnant, I just cry. Then I feel stupid for crying because as everyone tells me we haven't even been trying that long, but I still hurt when I see that I'm not. I use an expensive fertility monitor that says I should be pregnant by now. I needed your story. Thank you.
39 - fiona
I also suffer from pcos my husband was aware of my condition before we married but after three months of trying my husband left me. We have been separated for almost two years. I have since had surgery to remove mys cyst to late it seem for my husband has a 9 month old son now. It kills me, all my friend and family deserted me I am all alone now. Just wanted to say thank God your husband truly loved you. Now I have no one and often think of suicide.
40 - Diann
My husband and I have been trying for a year and a half. I have had two miscarriages. After the second I went to an RE. I ended up having surgery to remove a wall in my uterus and was diagnosed with lupus anticoagulant. We were given the green light to try again three months ago but we have been unsuccessful. What has been scariest for me is that my cycles have changes from regular to varying lengths since the surgery.
41 - Amy
Thank you for validating what I've been feeling! We are now trying for our 2nd child, but it is unlikely to happen (I'm now 43; we had our first at 41) so I'm getting really frustrated and upset. but I KNOW "NOTHING is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37) Our first child was a miracle and I had been told I could die on the table the morning of the c section because the doctors were unsure of how to deal with the medical problems I already had in case of bleeding. I spent the hour prior to the c section sobbing but, praise God, all things worked together for good and our 18 month old is tiny but perfect!
So please, everyone out there, never, never, NEVER give up on your dreams and yourself!
All my best!
42 - jurielle
your story made me cry..im sooo happy for you! God bless! thanks for sharing your wonderful story..
43 - janice
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HAVE A KID FOR YEARS NOW I'VE HAD TEST DONE SAYING EVERYTHING IS FINE. I'VE TOOK CLOMID NO LUCK. IT'S NOT FAIR I HAVE TWO SISTERS WHO HAVE NO PROBLEMS I ALMOST CRY WHEN I SEE ABABY OR LITTLE KIDS CAUSE I KNOW I WOULD BE A GOOD MOTHER.I THINK THE DOCTOR MISSED SOMETHING BUT I'LL NEVER GET A CHANCE TO FIND OUT CAUSE MY HUSBAND REFUSES TO GET HIS SPERM CHECKED.HE HAS ONE KID ALREADY. WHENEVER I BRING UP KIDS WE ARGUE I'M AT ALOSS.
44 - Nadia
reading these stories, made me feel that im not the only one.I'm a woman of 25 year old tryng for a baby. its been a year and i feel im useless. Im sometimes feel im cursed cause all my sisters are very fertile. I'm so depressed and hurt i feel like there is no need for me to live
45 - Melissa
It is a gift tohear that there are others who understand the the frustration and emotions that come with trying to conceive. I miscarried earlier this year and have been trying to get pregnant for which seams like forever. With more pregnant friends than not pregnant friends anger&jealousy rises. My husband does not understand that "selfishness" that comes with the guarded and timid congratulations. It makes me agry with myself for not embracing them with the love and joy that I should give my friends. I never anticipated problems with conceiving. I got pregnant with my daughter without planning and caried a healthy pregnancy. My second pregnancy stared while I was on the pill. Unfortunately, I miscarried and faced the most difficult thing I ever had before with most feelings of emptiness thought possible. Now while we try again the tests continue to be negative and so growing my feelings of doubt&"defectiveness". I feel guilty seeing how long many try to conceive, we haven't even reached a year. But now I'm approaching the due date of the baby lost and a new reminder of an empty womb
46 - socorro
thanks to all of you, for sharing your stories it gives me hope, since i been trying to get pregnant for 4 years, may God bless all of us with the miracle of life.
47 - Stephanie TTC
Wow reading all these stories brings hope and faith that one day God may bless my husband and I. We've been trying for 6 1/2 years now. I did get pregnant once in '05 and at 11 weeks I miscarried. I still carry that guilt that it was my fault that I miscarried. It's been so hard. It almost broke up my marriage in '07 but thankfully we are working through it and are trying to concieve again. My husbands sperm count is low. We've tried alot of things to TTC naturally but it hasn't worked. So a few more months then I think we're going back to the fertility clinic and dropping the big bucks for IVF.
Please pray for me and I will pray for all of you.
Baby dust to you all.
48 - Sadie
So very glad for you. One less unhappy woman! I understand the emotional pains & feelings of inadequacy. I am still childless after almost 20years of marriage&
it gladdens my heart to read good news like this. Whether youve tried for 2 years or 20years, the pain is the same. GOD bless and keep your beautiful angel and your supportive husband.
49 - ambu
its been 4 yrs.of my marriage. everytime my periods cum, hope comes and gets lost. i feel miserable, hopeless and frustrated. everytime i see some1 playing wid thheir baby, or a husband taking care of his wife during pregnancy, tears start rolling down my eyes. when will god bless me??? i m waiting, still waiting...
50 - alex
My husband and I having been dating since I was 16 and he 19. I was only in school then but it was not long before I knew that he was the person I wanted to spend my life with. It was not long before I started fantiscizing about what a happy family we would be one day - the two of us and our kids - I would even picture what those kids would look like.
When I was 24 and he 27,we got married. At that stage, despite never having had regular periods,in my naivity, I never thought that having children would be a problem - all my older siblings had fallen pregnant easily even when they did not want to, even whilst being on the pill or having the IUD to prevent pregnany.
I am now 29 years old. I have never been on a contraceptive and although we have a healthy sex life, I am not pregnant. Earlier this year, I decided to consult with a gynaecologist. I lost count of the number of blood tests that I was subjected to - and this for someone who has a phobia of needles. I have been diagnosed with pcos and been put on a course of medication. My period is still irregular and I constantly wonder whether I am pregnant and try to think about whether I have any symptoms - I think I even imagine having nausea - and am constantly disappointed.
It has put a strain on our relationship. Although my husband is very caring and has tried to be supportive, he does not say anything about the how he feels about the problems in trying to fall pregnant.His silence pierces me further, because I know that he must feel something, and I know also that the things that hurt him most are the things he will not speak about. I also know how much he wants to have kids because I watch how happy he always is playing with my nieces and nephews and he always remarks how he "can't wait for us to have kids". I feel so guilty about not being able to give him that. Worse still, despite having no sexual problems ordinarily, there is such a lot of pressure to "try" on the days when I might be ovulating (according to the gynae) that we now having difficulty being intimate on that day. We are tense and my husband is only on those days specifically unable to get a strong erection. That just hurts more and makes me feel uglier and more useless.
The first blog written by the author really made me feel as though somebody understood finally. My sister who is now 42 is pregnant - her husband and her have wanted a second child for a while now. I am very happy for her, but I wish so dearly that it was me instead. I feel so guilty for having said that but for that matter I hate the person that I have become. I have become obsessed with having children. I cry too often, and although I try to be happy for others, there is a sadness everytime I hear that someone else is pregnant. I have even asked my husband for a divorce, and he just says no, and that we will have a baby one day - more and more, he sounds as though he is trying to convince himself.
I have been moody and difficult and bitter recently and just about ready to give up. Thank you to the author and all those who have commented - you have again restored hope.
51 - Lisa
Congratulations! That's great news. I have been trying for a year now and it is very frustrating. I have a high prolactin hormone level which is causing a disruption to ovulation. I am taking medication right now to lower it, but still nothing. My next step is to go to a fertility specialist. Your story gives me hope! Thank you so much for sharing.
52 - Megan
My husband and I have been married for almost a year now and we have been together for 2 yrs. We have been trying for 9 months now and still no luck. In Oct.2008 I found out that I was going to be a mother the 3 days before Thanksgiving of that year I had my first ultrasound. My husband and I go in just waiting to see that little heartbeat but everything was flushed down the drain when the tech tells us that there isn't one and my doctor was notified and a d&c was schedule for the next week. So that week goes I have my surgery. And still to this day no happy ending yet but after reading this story and the other comments I hope that my happy ending will come sometime as well.
53 - hcg
its interesting that fertility clinics are very common and they surely make a lot money out of it. My girlfriend used hcg herself as fertility treatment and she got twins actually, makes me wonder if that was an accident or if this is common with hcg..
54 - Danielle
your story was inspiring. Thank you for sharing. My husband and I are trying to have a baby. We have only been officially trying for about 4 months but I have been off birth control pills for over 2 years and we have had regular sex during that time. Sure I did not chart my ovulation or anything but what are the chances of missing that "time" for the whole two years. I feel like something is wrong with me. My doctor will not even begin to explore those possibilities until I have tried for 1 full year of charting my ovulation. I take ovulation tests every month, chart my cycle, make sure that we have sex on the right days, ect. I have tried all the old wives tales. putting a pillow under my hips. I don't drink and I don't smoke (never have). My husband quit smoking. He is 28 and I am 26. We have been together for 11 years and have only been with eachother. I have regular cycles between 31 and 33 days. I have taken so many pregnancy tests and they are always negative. I cry after each one. I try to stay positive. Everyone around me seems to get pregnant. People who don't want to be and people who do drugs and live a trashy life style. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I just want to a mom. Why does this have to be so hard? why do I have to be so worthless?? feeling hopeless.
I am so happy for you that you finally got your bundle of joy, I hope the same happens for me someday.
55 - Michelle
Trying for 3 yrs now. Lots of mixed messages from doctors out there who seem to keep referring us to yet another specialists. so frustrating....My husband has been diagnosed with low sperm count. We've been thru IUI twice, clomid and might go for ICSI/IVF. Before heading in that direction, we are going to an endocrinologist just to cover all the bases. Wish us luck. It is extremely painful to be married for 6 years and not have the family that you desire. It always seems that everyone else gets pregnant with out being married or immediatley after getting married. Can't help feeling that people must suspect there is some sort of fertility issue with us. It's not something that we share and have to deal with the questions "what are you waiting for?" and we're not getting any younger....i'm 34, he is 35..sigh....I do have faith and will try everything to succeed.