In a speech Monday night at the Military War College in Pennsylvania, President Bush laid out his vision for the future of a troubled Iraq. He listed five major steps he'll take in order to restore order and give full sovereignty to the Iraqi people, but his most surprising announcement regarded the method for picking the future President of Iraq.
President Bush — accompanied by a scowling Simon Cowell — said that a new Iraqi leader will be chosen in a televised contest beginning in mid-June. The contest will be what the President called "a combination of Miss America and American Idol", although in a rare moment of premeditated diplomacy, Bush added that the contest will operate under the official title of "Mr. Iraqi Idol".
After the speech, a White House press release contained details of Bush's revolutionary new plan for democracy in Iraq. According to the memo, the contestants "...will each sing a tired, has-been American pop tune, to be followed by a short speech entitled 'Why I want to Be President of Iraq' — and climaxing with a walk down the runway at Baghdad Airport wearing a camo one-piece swimsuit and the newest design in sexy black cloth headgear."
Originally, according to the report, there were seven contestants, but four of them have either been assasinated or arrested by coalition forces for various reasons, including kidnapping, spying, torture, money laundering, and sharing national secrets with a foreign power.
The fifth contestant to "drop out" — Ahmed Chalabi — had spent the last few weeks in the Green Zone rehearsing his version of Dire Straights' 1980s hit "Money For Nothin'". Chalabi, through his spokesman Vice President Dick Cheney, said he was highly disappointed when most of his backup band were arrested in a recent sweep by Iraqi police forces accompanied by American soldiers. Without his band, "The Henchmen", Cheney said Chalabi decided to drop out of the competition and wait to see if the series will be renewed in the fall — or after the fall, whichever comes first.
Article comments
1 - Dirtgrain
How about Gary Coleman?
2 - sam
iraqi idoils are the best. u must kiss there legs. they are on u'r head. fuck u and u'r fukin site bitches
3 - fdfdsdf
how about u put bush and u'r sutpied papa or something like that or u put u'r sutpied kristian belives come on put santa close ha aha ha. stupied kristains
4 - Dave Nalle
Well Shark, I see that your post has attracted your intellectual peers as commenters.
Dave
5 - Bob A. Booey
That was pretty funny, Dave.
There's a first for everything, I guess :)
That is all.
6 - Shark
I AM THE NEW PROPHET!
Pray toward Texas five times a day!
[Sharkia Law for Texans only: Remove your spurs before bending down]
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PS: This is one of the funniest and most prophetic things I've ever read. Did I really write this?! Gawd, I'm brilliant!
7 - SHARK
Just thought I'd point out that in the July 24, 2006 issue of the New Yorker magazine, writer Paul Rudnick... um... used... um... the same basic... um... concept of SHARK in a piece entitled, "American Idol World Court."
I'll also add that mine, written in May of 2004, is FUNNY, TIMELY, SARDONIC, and PROFOUND -- whereas Rudnick's is just plain ol' fucking stupid.
xxoo
S
8 - gonzo marx
hey, we all Know the Shark is way ahead of his time....
i think it's due to a cartiligineous structure rather than an endo-skeletal one....
but it could be the constant swimming, and lack of sleep
your mileage may vary
Excelsior?