Buddha Graduate School: Lessons on Life from the Dying

A man I love is dying.

When I first met Michael 16 years ago, he was speaking to a group of spinal cord injured men during my clinical internship in psychology. Afterwards, I accompanied him to his car where he discovered he didn’t have the strength to transfer from his wheelchair. Looking me in the eye he asked, “Have you ever transferred anyone?” “No,” I winced. “Well, you are going to learn.”

I thought he was talking about the car transfer, but I now know this was foreshadowing of much bigger lessons to come. The real transfer is still ahead.

I have long held the belief that everyone in my life is a Buddha, an Enlightened Being here to teach me something essential to my path. Preparing to lose Michael feels like enrollment in Buddha graduate school. Never have I experienced so much pain and never have I grown so much and felt so strong. Nothing clarifies life like death and no one teaches more about living well than those who are dying well.

Victoria Williams wrote, “That which you fear the most will meet you half way.” As happens in middle age, questions of mortality have worked their way into my consciousness. As friends lose parents, siblings, and even spouses, I seem to have found myself surrounded by both the dying and the bereaved. At times it feels as though impending death has become my daily companion.

As the losses began to mount up, I tried my hardest to absorb it all, but facing an excess of 50 deaths (between family, friends, clients and neighbors) in a mere 18 months was stretching me to my limit. And of course, the thought that Michael, my dear friend and confidante, might be added to the list was nearly more than I could bear.

Were all these dying Buddhas coming around to teach me something?

Very kind of them to take me on as a student but, honestly, I didn’t want to learn these lessons. I wanted to understand life and death without the messy learning curve. The fact was, though, that I didn’t know how to say goodbye and asking for help didn’t feel like an option. What was I supposed to say to Michael? “Help me grieve you. I know you are busy dying and all, but can you help me sort through my own feelings while you are at it? I can’t quite seem to do this on my own.” That seemed so wrong.

Article Author: Laura Young

Laura Young is a life coach, author, photographer, and "deep water fish". If you enjoy her articles and are chewing over some big questions in your own life, please pay her a visit at Wellspring Coaching, where she has many additional resources for you. …

Visit Laura Young's author page — Laura Young's Blog