In the latest of the Britney-vs.-motherhood chronicles, our heroine is faced with the challenge of walking, holding a baby, and carrying a glass of water — all at the same time! — and all under the watchful gaze of paparazzi, onlookers and bodyguards specially trained in defense against the dark arts of stupidity and clumsiness.
The incident occurred while Spears was leaving the Ritz-Carlton hotel in New York yesterday afternoon. Surrounded by bodyguards, the pop-singer was holding baby Sean in her left arm and a glass of ice water in the other when she seemingly tripped on the hem of her pants.
Baby Sean's head reportedly "whipped back" in what eyewitnesses called a "violent" manner and his precious little orange hat flew off. Fortunately, one of her bodyguards — ever vigilant — sprung cat-like into action and gave Britney and baby an assist. Two points for the man with the mustache!
TMZ, always on the job and up in your grill, captured in still life this artistry in motion. What would otherwise be a minor blip on the radar for a normal mother with small children is now one more rusty car on blocks in the unmowed lawn of Britney's reputation.
After the incident, Britney is reported to have said, "This is why I need a gun." Not sure why she said that, just thought I'd mention it. 
And lest you think me cruel, think again, because I have the deepest empathy for young Ms. Spears.
In later updates on the story, a very shaken and upset Britney is seen crying, holding baby Sean, who seemed just fine but possibly wishing he had a set of parents whose combined IQ's eked into the triple digits.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - DJRadiohead
I feel for her... a little. She's a moron and she has to parent with the eyes of a voyeuristic, mean world on her.
On the other hand, she doesn't seem to be learning from her miscues. If anything, she seems to be accelerating them and multiplying them.
And as for babydaddy... he makes a compelling argument for forced sterilization.
2 - sal m
this sentence is pure brilliance...
"What would otherwise be a minor blip on the radar for a normal mother with small children is now one more rusty car on blocks in the unmowed lawn of Britney's reputation."
also, k-fed looks like his aroma would be dirty balls mixed with tobacco. and if he uses cologne, it's to mask this horrid olefactory affront.
3 - Dawn
Ewww, dirty balls - and I don't think you mean tennis - and tobacco, conjures memories of back alley pool halls and truck stop johns.
Not my memories of course, I'm just projecting.
Truthfully, this week in celebrity news has humbled me, I have found a wealth of good will for two otherwise wayward knuckleheads, Britney and Lindsay.
Clearly, there are greater evils in the world than misguided young starlets.
4 - Eric Olsen
you old softie! Very nice job!
5 - Matthew T. Sussman
Alternate headline:
Drop My Baby One M--... well, you see where this is going.
6 - carmine
Dawn,
Fantastic piece. This was front page Google News. Great job!
Carmine
7 - Dawn
*blushes* thanks y'all. Glad to share in the joy of another's misery.
I am indeed going straight to hell. I'll tell Paris you guys said high!
8 - Nik
Very good piece. I'm no Britney fan, but the leeering joy the gossip-meisters seem to get out of her parenthood mishaps is really out of bounds. If I had paparazzi watching some of the stupid stuff I've done with our kid, I'd probably be in jail by now.
Um, not that I've done anything QUITE that bad...
9 - Eric Olsen
good point, Nik, parenting really IS hard and mishaps are common - I think Dawn is right that she really is trying, but with her every moved dogged, she has no room for error
10 - Rebecca
Thanks for the laugh! How exactly is a gun going to keep her from tripping on the hem of her pants? Perhaps she would have shot the hem before she tripped? Truly puzzling...
11 - Roman
I would have thought it was a basic instinct for a mother to support the head of her baby when carrying him/her. I guess not. I'm worried about this baby's health -- seriously. The parents seem incompetent.
12 - Victor Plenty
Truly inspired Amazon links, Dawn. The sociocultural and genderpolitical subtexts of the brand name "Yummy Mommy" are so bewildering, they make me feel all confused and scared, like being on a roller coaster while wearing pants that suddenly seem too small for some reason.
Anyway, uh... back to the topic at hand... maybe Britney could get one of her personal assistants to squeeze some parenting classes into her busy schedule?
13 - Joey
Good Gravy Dawn! Do ya think you could stop murmering long enough about Britany Spears and write a real article?
I've seen soooo many more children living in neglect and poverty, with crack whore mothers... this subject doesn't even rate.
14 - Dawn
This subject doesn't rate what Joey? As far as murmuring goes, I think I articulated my feelings quite succinctly, thanks.
Victor, I wish I could take credit for the Amazon links, but Eric put those in. I was so engrossed in my subject matter and mesmerized by K-Fed's hillbilly couture that I forgot my responsibility. I will direct him to your comment though.
Rebecca - good one about the hem. Would that actually work - or is that the same as shooting one's self in the foot?
15 - Bliffle
Old Spice, eh? This may be the pivotal issue in Kevins appeal, as he seems to have gone to great lengths to maintain an ugly appearance. It must be the scent that Does The Trick with young celebrity females. Perhaps he has discovered that young women, almost universally, are suckers for Old Spice because their fathers used it (even if the fathers were utter rats they were at least placeholders for the more honorable men dreamed of by young girls). The fathers bought the stuff because it was cheap and readily available, and then the daughters began to supply it at christmas. Thus the Wheel Of Life turns.
I know about this stuff because I read it in a book. Or maybe some guy in a bar told me. Or maybe it was a Bush administration official. Or maybe...
16 - NR Davis
Cash value of Britney brain: $5.13
Britney's estimated assets: $150 million
"What would otherwise be a minor blip on the radar for a normal mother with small children is now one more rusty car on blocks in the unmowed lawn of Britney's reputation." Priceless.
Great piece, Dawn.
17 - sal m
i say we make joey content editor.
anything that strays from covering stuff like neglected kids with crack-whore moms should be tossed into the scrap heap. how can we worry about the dopey rich, when there's the dopey poor to worry about?
18 - Dusk
What Britney Spears should do: first, get rid of her good-for-nothing-not-even-rapping-but-except-reproducing husband, who doesn't seem to be taking an active part in their baby's care.
Second, move out of the limelight to raise up her children because it is not possible for someone, anyone, not even a person of celebrity status, to have their role as a parent under so much scrutiny. Realise how other celebrities are never reported in such baby misadventures? The worldwide media is out to get Britney, that's for sure - every mistake that she makes.
And she is apparently not getting much of an assistance from that idiot you call her husband. He does not have a worthwhile job, just depends on his wife's money, thinks he can have a successful singing career (come on, he cannot even get a record deal and I hope it stays that way, gosh), whose favourite hobby seemingly is to repopulate the planet with his offspring ...
Britney is too young for motherhood maybe. And it sure doesn't help that her husband made her pregnant for the second time and so soon after her first child (that she is already struggling to take care of under the scrutinising glare of the whole world). I hope she gets emotional support from her mother because this is going to get her a mental breakdown sooner or later.
One thing about the nearly-dropping-baby incident, wouldn't it be instinctive for a person, who is tripping, to quickly use the other arm to hold the baby back (even if the other hand is full)? The baby is definitely falling backwards and she only seems to do nothing except try to hold it tighter in the arm from which he is falling.
And why does she keep on holding the baby in one arm only and, moreover, precariously, on her side. She should use both arms, for god's sake, the baby is only eight months old ... it needs support when being held from such a height.
Since she likes to hold her baby on one arm, she shouldn't get her other hand full. She has so many bodyguards following her around. Can't she give them to carry her glass of water so she can have both hands free to hold the child?
19 - Scott Butki
I love your celebrity pieces, Dawn. Keep up the good work.
20 - Dawn
Thanks for the kind words folks. As to the indepth discussion as to why Britney doesn't use the proper baby holding technique, may I simply reply: because she's kind a dumb y'all.
I had a similar incident, which coincidentally happended during a the last blogger party we had. I was carrying our then 18 month-old and I had a shoe malfunction and slipped down our patio steps. I can tell you with blinding clarity that I grabbed our son with all my might, and was instinctively able to shield him from the impact and took a huge and painful hit to the shin.
Then I took a bow.
I do think it's instinctive to protect your baby, but clearly Britney was not graced with many of life's most important, though less aesthetic gifts. Like common sense, good judgment, and basic intellect.
I still think she's well-meaning and probably very loving to her baby. Look at how she cradles him, she has a look of serenity. Or maybe that's vacuity?
If Sean Preston survives his childhood, and gets some of the recessive genes that might be lurking within his two parents, he will be okay. He certainly seems loved.
21 - tara
I like the article, when I stumbled upon the google link I thought it would be bashing her, which is not what this child needs these days.
She's a young mother and she's pregnant, that's enough to make anyone feel loopy and not so light on their feet.
I don't know one parent that could stand up to this type of scrutiny, imagine the papparazi snapping pictures as your child falls down and skins their knee or takes a face plant , ouch those are the worst. In time motherhood will mature aspects about her that make ol' Kevin seem like more of a child in her eyes than her babies and then she'll dump him:) I think we all agree that needs to happen.
The media needs to give this girl some space.
22 - Joey
Just checking in. Dawn, you're right "doesn't rate what" Rate what? You can't figure it out? It doesn't rate inspection, argument, time, pixel use. Celebrity might be an infatuation, but the impact is tiny compared to the gross under reporting of social issues that merit public awareness. How "Briantiny" chooses to live her life and raise her children, how she grew up, how she aspired (with the help of the machine) to be where she is really doesn't reflect anything but luck. Will the kids be alright? With her cash flow, there needs will be met, their life will be abundant, overflowing, without want.
Someone with your talent, introspection, devices, network etc.... could stretch it out at report on children who are really suffering, really in need, who are dirt poor, without hope, struggling to overcome the dire circumstances that poverty, poor motherhood, bad parents... have dealt them.
That's my point. Britany doesn't rate, and the "People magazine" approach to reporting on her every misstep has already been done.
Stretch it out a bit. There's a need for reporting. Gossip is already covered elsewhere.
And that's my point.
23 - Dawn
Joey, on an individual level I couldn't agree more that there are bigger, more important issues to be highlighted and brought to the attention of the world at large.
But my responsibility here at this site is to report on celebrity matters. I don't create the stories, I merely present them the best I can.
Matters of goodwill and plights of the misfortunate are better left to those who are more adept at covering those stories than I am.
But your heart is indeed in the right place. And if you look around this site, you will find excellent posts that cover the kinds of stories you are interested - both more important and for the betterment of mankind.
I also want to point out, just for your information, that I have written about those such stories in the past esp. as they relate to the well-being of children and they leave me feeling very depleted and depressed.
24 - Sister Ray
I'm taking a vow right now to put Britney on my ignore list, as I did a certain talk show hostess last winter. I never was interested in her as a singer, anyway, and now she's not even jailbait anymore. I'll leave her in peace to retire to motherhood as best she can. If the paparazzi are bothering her, it's not on my account.
I respectfully suggest others do the same. We should reduce celebrity sprawl as if it were suburban sprawl.
25 - Peter Aretin
"Stupid, stupid, and stupid" best describes the airhead press's preoccupation with B.S. and "celebrity matters" in general.
It's amazing the number of people without lives of their own. They're a lucrative demographic in their own right, apparently, though that's no real justification in pandering to them.
This kind of piffle is to journalism what prostitution is to sex.