I knew it was coming, but it still took me by surprise when war broke out. It being 1996 instead of 1966, I thought I could avoid the bloodshed and misery that my parents and I went through, but I was fooling myself: what is old is new, and what is new is old.
The war between the United Federation of Father and The National Liberation Front of Daughter (NLFD) started with a treaty dispute. The treaty was: curfew was 9pm on school nights and 11pm on Friday and Saturday. Since I had crafted and negotiated the treaty myself, I thought conflict could be avoided.
Of course, I blame the NLFD for starting the war, but their leader, my daughter, claimed that the wording of the treaty was unclear, ambiguous, and unfair.
When the NLFD broke the treaty, words were exchanged: sometimes directly, and sometimes indirectly through my ambassador, my wife. I often responded to treaty violations with sanctions such as an earlier curfew, border closings, and travel restrictions. Since the leader of the NLFD valued her social life, sometimes a blockade was used to bring the NLFD into line.
There were many battles during the Teen War: The Car Clash, The Trip to Florida with Underage Friends Skirmish, and the final battle: the Most Expensive College I can Find Conflict.
Hostilities were greatly reduced when the leader of the NLFD left on a mission to obtain a higher education. In fact during this four year mission, the leader of the NLFD called upon my ambassador, my wife, and me for aid or assistance time and time again. Sometimes we helped with food because of some apparent famine. Other times, we acted like the IMF (International Monetary Fund) and provided funds that we knew would never be repaid. And for some reason, the NLFD didn't seem to have the technology to do laundry.
Article comments
1 - Joanne Huspek
This was humorous and bittersweet. Thanks.
2 - Robert M. Barga
this was one of the funnies things i have ever read
forwarding to friends and the parental units of DOOOOM