Hi Elsa,
My boyfriend and I broke up when he went to college 1,000 miles away. I didn't want him to have attachments at home limiting his social life in college, which is supposed to be the best time you'll ever have. And to be honest, I didn't want to limit whatever social life I have left as a high school senior. So we both agreed to breakup when he went to college.
Once he left, I didn't want to have any contact at all. He wanted to be friends though, and eventually I agreed. Good story, huh? But now that he's been gone for a month, I wonder if I made the right choice. I still can't stop thinking of him as my boyfriend. I loved him, and I've never loved anyone else like this. I'm constantly reminded by everyone around me that no one understood me the way he did.
I'm having a terrible time with this, but he doesn't seem to be at all. It's possible that he's just not telling anyone that he's upset. But he writes all the time about how wonderful college is, and how much he loves it there.
I'm terrified that I threw away something beautiful and maybe irreplaceable. How do I get past this... and did I throw it all away?
Sign me,
Double Virgo
Dear Virgo,
No, I don’t think you threw it all away. The current situation is untenable. Not that you shouldn’t communicate your feelings to him, because you should. He’s your friend, right? It sounds like he is and he will probably help you work through your feelings. But this does not mean he’s the man for you. I'll tell you what I think is going on.
You’re a double Virgo and you live in your head quite a bit. If you read your post up there, you will see how you had this all figured out. Neat, petite! But feelings aren’t like that, are they? Feelings will fuck you up, and this is what is happening.
But going through this will be enormously enriching for you. It will expand you. You need to be a mess like this. Seriously! You’re out of your head now, huh babe? So this is the lesson in this for you. Your heart is getting hooked up with your mind, with your soul. It’s painful, but productive and very, very human.
Good luck.
Pictured - Virgo, Salvador Dali
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