Hi Elsa,
I was with my boyfriend for eight years and devoted myself to him. He moved away to a new city for a job opportunity which I encouraged, and I got a job a couple of months later and moved to be with him. When I moved, I found out he was having an affair with a married woman at his new workplace.
He denied it and only confessed when I had the evidence. She has since left that workplace, and he says it was a mistake and I have to move on. I have tried again with him, but I am so full of sadness and resentful of his actions that I don't know what to do. I feel very lost and alone and I think I am maybe clinging on just because of him being the only familiar thing in this new city, and because I am such a loyal person.
I feel very unattractive due to what he did and he just says it 'happened' and he doesn't know why it happened. He calls it 'just a fling,' but I know they still kept in contact up to three months after the affair ended. I worry they still slept together but he swears they didn't. I do not trust him anymore, but am scared of letting go in case I never meet another guy - especially the way I am feeling now.
I used to be so outgoing and happy and I feel like a shell of a person. What should I do??
Cheated On
Dear Cheated On,
I don’t know what you should do. I can only tell you what I would do and I have a tremendous bias on this issue. I would leave the guy, hands down, but this is because I place such a high value on trust. If I can’t trust a person, I find them worse than useless! Seriously. I am not neutral. I am negative on the individual who betrays me (or others). Once I feel like that, there is really no choice in the matter. I’ve got to cut my losses. I’ve got to walk.
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