Yes, yes, I know, most of you reading this probably are bloggers. I'll also venture to guess that you just might be wondering what gives me the authority to make such a strong statement. The answer? Absolutely nothing.
Now, assuming you're still reading, I'm guessing that you have made one of four conclusions:
- You agree with me.
- You find this amusing.
- Both of the above.
- You disagree with me so strongly that you feel inclined to pick apart this article and spit every last bit and piece of it right back at me.
Regardless of your motivations, I'm obligated to explain my reasoning to you, the opinionated reader. Seeing as I just ended a list, I'll explain my reasoning with another. Bloggers have no life because:
- They feel the need to express themselves to people they have most likely never met or shall ever meet in the entirety of their pathetic lives.
- They bitch, moan, and otherwise complain about things nobody else cares about.
- They think they matter.
It's a short list, I know, but it should be plenty for the average reader, or for those who happen to agree with me. Now I'll go on to give some ammunition to those who fall into list item number 4 of my reader demographic (i.e. #4 in the first list in this article).
1. Need-To-Express-Yourself-To-People-You've-Never-Met Complex®
Have you ever been standing in line at the grocery store, sitting down at a bench in the park, or even working on something at your job or school when some random, inane person starts telling you what they've been up to for the last 3 1/2 weeks? Did you find this person uncommonly irritating or more than a bit annoying? Congratulations, you've had the pleasure of experiencing the "Need-To-Express-Yourself-To-People-You've-Never-Met Complex®!"
The Need-To-Express-Yourself-To-People-You've-Never-Met Complex® is a tragic psychological condition that is caused by an abnormally strong feeling of unimportance and insignificance. What does this mean? It means that no one gives a rats ass about these poor fools, so they react inversely in a vain attempt to make someone care (note: Damien Wilson is not a licensed doctor of any kind, despite popular belief).
Article comments
1 - Michael J. West
Yes, yes, I know, most of you reading this probably are bloggers.
So is the person writing it.
2 - Rebecca
Aren't you writing for a blog? I just do it because I enjoy it.
3 - Orchid
I'm actually not a blogger but I am an avid reader and enjoy writing (letters to friends and textbooks in my work). I'm not sure that everyone writes blogs for the reasons you mention though I'm sure some do. There are a lot of narcissists out there but I think some people just like to write.
How are bloggers different from authors of novels or other books who write for a future "audience" of strangers? The internet has just set people free from having to rely on publishers to get their words in front of others. Will you now give us a list of reasons all authors are irrelevant or have "no life" because they write for people they don't know?
4 - Glen Boyd
That was a very amusing and well written piece Damien.
So let me get this straight though...you yourself are a blogger right?
So whats your point?
-Glen
5 - Elvira Black
The three groups you mentioned are indeed obnoxious--and seemingly ubiqitous-- in real life, so at least blogging keeps them off the streets, where you can avoid them if you wish.
Funny stuff!
6 - Damien
Thanks for the feedback, all. Still new to Blogcritics, and I thought I'd start things off on a note off pitch. :)
And yes, I am a blogger, hence my a-thor-a-tae.
7 - Apollo
Hilarious damien. I confess that i belong to the third category - I think I matter ;).
8 - cat
Sadly I think I fall into category #1 with a caveat; see I don't bore people with my complaints/thoughts/what-have-you in person--my mother trained me all to well in the arts of politeness and common courtesy--so I come online and dump it into the little blog box. I figure with the blog, people have the ability to escape the boredom of my opinions by clicking the "X," unlike IRL where most people (myself included) don't have the guts to say: "I don't give a fuck about what you think. Now shut up and let me get back to my crossword puzzle, loser." (Thereby exhibiting my own pathetic status by actually trying to complete a crossword puzzle.
9 - cat
*)*
No more late night/early morning commenting for me.
10 - Iloz Zoc
Damn. The shoe is fitting rather tightly here. I need a drink. Better yet, I'll get a drink and blog.
11 - CallmeMaddy
Amusing, but you are calling yourself bitchy, self-centered, and needy (for attention).
???
12 - Mohjho
or...I blog to solidify my thoughts for review. By putting my opinions on a blog, others can verify or tear apart my logic and facts.
As for "getting a life', which cookie cutter life do you propose for us?
13 - Anthony
You know I would love to keep my thoughts on a notebook but I realize its better to post them in a blog and share my experiences to those who might find them useful.
Anyway, I blog because I love to write.
14 - Amelia
Hey, What's up, Blogger?
15 - jayjay
i dunno whose a bigger looser?? you for writing this or me for commenting on it