I’m going to admit up front that I don’t have perfect etiquette. Sometimes when I’m eating I’ll make a comment when I still have some food left to be chewed that I shove off to the side of my mouth. Other times I change lanes in the freeway without signaling, not quite cutting someone off, but I think to myself maybe they would have appreciated some warning.
So what does it take to be the so-called “perfect citizen?” Maybe I should start with what it means to have that prestigious title, at least in my eyes. I guess it starts off with being something called “considerate.”
As an example, I went to the local YMCA in my hometown this morning to swim a few laps and at least pretend like I was getting in shape. It was about 10 o’clock in the morning and I was heading towards the door when I noticed this woman holding a baby and trying to get her two younger children through the door. She had her hands full, what with the baby trying to sliver out of her grasp and the required baby bag with essential goodies also strapped around her other shoulder. Add to that the grappling younger siblings, the consistent “Mark, Melissa! Stop that!” warnings and the baby beginning to wail out loud, and you basically had a scene developing outside the YMCA.
I was probably no more than 10 feet away when I noticed at least three men before me rush through the door before her, trying to get away from the stampede.
Whatever happened to holding the door open for a lady as you’re walking in? Granted, this was a somewhat special case, but I went ahead and held the door open for her so she could wrangle her group into the building while another woman passing by offered to help carry her bag as she went into the YMCA also.
What exactly are the rules behind holding the door open for someone? Does it have to be a woman? Does she have to be amazingly beautiful?
I’m not telling anyone how they should act, but there are certain circumstances where I think I should always hold the door open for someone else. One is for an elderly individual, especially someone who looks particularly frail. They always appreciate a helping hand, especially for those doors that don’t open automatically and tend to be particularly difficult to swing open. I also always open the door for someone who happens to be in a wheel chair or crutches, or who would appear to have difficulty opening a swinging door.
Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
all we can do is do our best and answer to ourselves - thanks and welcome Tam!
2 - Phillip Winn
A lot of people (men) got turned off of holding doors open for women years ago, but even more use that as an excuse. Me, I hold doors open for everybody, male and female, so nobody can excuse me of pandering.
Er, pandering on the basis of gender, at least.
3 - Nancy
I do, too. Hold doors for everyone, that is. That's what I was taught to do by my parents & the other 300 or so people who had a hand in raising me, teachers, neighbors, grandparents, grandparents' neighbors, etc. etc. I don't see people doing that any more - helping bring up kids that aren't their own - probably because everyone's afraid of a lawsuit. I was in a grocery a few weeks ago, & a kid was giving his mother some extremely rude sass. I put a look of (unfeigned) horror on my face, and said something to the effect of, "What are you doing, talking to your mom like that? You ought to be ashamed! How RUDE!" & passed on. The kid was young enough to shut up because a total stranger had talked to him, & I hope the mother got the message, too.
4 - Tan The Man
While it is the nice thing to, and I do try to go out of my way to be considerate to others, there is an inherent sexism to this idea. Rarely do women hold doors open for me, even if my hands are full. Is it because I'm a guy and I can "handle" it? Consideration should happen on both sides, but if women expect to be helped, then they should return the favor.
5 - Nancy
No, I think it means most people are rude & inconsiderate. I hold doors for men, women, kids, old people, dogs, etc.
6 - Tan The Man
That could also be true.
7 - Bob A. Booey
Tam Hoang, you're like the Vietnamese Garrison Keillor.
They should really have a safe, family-friendly sitcom called "Everyone Loves Hoang."
I am, believe it or not, a very courteous driver, door-holder, and toilet-flusher.
I don't nose in on people's affairs unless someone's like abusing their kid or their girlfriend or some other helpless, innocent person. Then we have a problem. I'm always the idiot who breaks up fights for some reason.
That is all.