“I’m gonna tell him he needs to grow a pair of balls,” she said.
For a short period, albeit very brief, I felt bad for dudes everywhere. Think about all the pressure their balls create. It’s like just by virtue of having these unaesthetic-looking sacks with the potential of leaking reproductive goo that may or may not eventually make its way into a women’s vagina, they are expected to know how to treat a gal properly.
I pity them. I really do.
Then again, we women have our own hapless sacks, of varying size, that don’t necessarily provide any evolutionary purpose, but sure bear the brunt of a lot of societal pressure. So maybe it all balances out.
But who’s to blame for these misguided, perplexed men incapable of fully realizing the power they behold? Parental units? Mothers? Rap music? The media?
Personally, I blame pop psychologists that write bogus books entitled, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. If nothing else, such clichés create crutches and ones that enable both men and women to misunderstand one another.
On a personal note, I myself am thinking of writing a book called Chicken Soup for Eunuchs Who Want to Grow Balls But Are Biologically Disadvantaged. It would lay to rest some of this resentment and hopefully bridge the gap in genders. Any thoughts?
“I really wanna tell him he’s an asshole,” my friend said again.
“Then do it. But wait a day or two.”
“Why,” she asked.
“I don’t know. I thought saying that sounded more professional. Like when a doctor writes you a prescription and tells you to wait a day or two before expecting any result.”
“Right,” she responded.
“He really needs to grow some balls,” she said again.
“Honey, we all do.”
“Huh?”
Yeah, exactly…
This piece marks my introductory column on sex/relationship advice for BlogCritics. I’m always looking for questions to probe so feel free to flood my inbox or leave a comment below. And of course, all submissions are anonymous.
Article comments
1 - KingMab
A similar cliched phrase, at least around these parts, is to "man up" (a variation on the older "cowboy up" bit). You can counter - or at least expand on - this trend by introducing "woman up," or, instead of "grow some balls," say "grow some ov's." Sounds dumb, but it works in throwing people off their expected platforms.
2 - Sister Ray
I'm not sure I'm following. Is your friend questioning her boyfriend's manliness because he won't commit to her?
Some men would call it the other way - tying one's self to one woman is wimping out.
3 - Scott Butki
This made me smile:
"On a personal note, I myself am thinking of writing a book called Chicken Soup for Eunuchs Who Want to Grow Balls But Are Biologically Disadvantaged."