Dear Elsa:
All my life I've struggled to find stability in relationships. I've gone from one relationship to the other. And when each one ends, I've had to begin from square one: moving, changing residence, etc.
I spent some three years single and extremely lonely. Then I fell in love with a guy and we spent two years together. Now that relationship has come to an end, due in large part to my increasingly rageful personality.
My behavior in this most recent relationship pains me greatly, because he was patient and loving. Of all the men I've been with, he most deserved my love. In a way, I feel that I've acted uncharacteristically harsh with him - even my sex drive vanished, something which had never happened before, even when I was fighting with a boyfriend all the time!!
I am feeling so sad and remorseful but also very terrified of my temper. I've been giving given serious thought to giving up love relationships altogether - they bring out the worst in me. Am I doomed?
Regards,
Werewolvine
Dear Werewolvine,
Woah. I really admire you for writing this. It’s the kind of thing that is difficult to admit, so hardly anyone ever does. It makes me feel proud of you, like you’re some kind of stand-up chick.
However, you need to get your ass in gear, or else. Or else, it’s going to be exactly as you fear. Because you’re too old for this shit, okay? You’re going on forty! Your acting-out days are done. Finished! Fini! And this is not me talking. This is what you need to be telling yourself. My job is to help you and I’ll try.
Number one, you need an outlet for your physical energy. See, I don’t think you have a "rageful personality." What you have is tremendous energy and it’s your job to manage it. I don’t care what you do. Kickboxing is an obvious choice, but don’t fuck around. You need to do this three times a week at least, and five or seven would be much, much better. Twice a day, if you have to.
Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
you are a paradigm of cheerful good sense, Elsa - thanks!
2 - Sista
I also have Mars square Venus in my natal chart. I haven't had a relationship go beyond two years and the last two year relationship i had was with a married man and we had a off and on relationship that was more off than on. I have recently come to realize that I choose the wrong men because I want to have a reason to break up with them. In other words, I want them to fail my expectations so I can go and look on the other side of the green grass.
My problem is, I am not satisfied with my self. My expectations, in terms of my goals are not satisfactory to me. I also have sun and mercury in Cap along with Saturn in the first house, in other words, I don't feel that I deserve to reward my self as of yet.
I don't want a man who is not worthy standing next to me when I achieve my goals but then again, I don't want a man assisting me with achieving my goals if it means he will get some of the credit. I don't mind emotional assistants but I don't want or need any other in put.
I get impatient as well with Mars square venus. My mars is in Taurus which is highly sexual and my venus is in Aquarius which is creative and full of variety. In other words, I catch my self accepting any kind of man just to get my jolly's because deep down, i know he will fail and his failure will again free me up to check out what is on the other side of the green grass.
I have a Gemini rising which also makes me a bit in decisive and contradicts what it is I really want and really need. I want a good man and when I have one, i am very much capable of being loyal and faithful but first I have to love my self and feel as though I deserve to be loved back.
3 - Surya
WOW!! I needed to read this today. And it is no mere coincidence that I stumbled across this while checking out the personal transits for me and my boyfriend. I too have Mars squaring both Venus and Mercury. Mars being in Virgo and Venus/Mercury being in Sagg. That would make a critical bitch wouldn't it? I mean this is the struggle I am having right now as I selectively and consciously GROW UP!! Love the way you put that straight with the original questioner. I see how it's destroying me and the potential of fucking up this one. I've been single for about 3 years. Last man and I had a major blow up and I ended up with a broken front teeth because he "snapped". A man who is gentle, patient and loving became a monster when I pushed him up against the wall. My relationships always end with an extremely high tide!!
Even now I don't have any expectations of marrying my present boyfriend - been there done that twice. I am not even worried about him leaving either. (Aquarius Sun/Cancer Moon with his Venus, Mar & Saturn in my Sun sign Capricorn) He's in my house of Lovers where his Pisces Mercury conjuncts my Pisces Saturn.
SO what kind of tips and advice can anyone give me. I am 45 years old and I am planting my roots NOW finally! So please help me to keep them growing down in the ground. Tell me the truth! I can handle it!! LOL!!