My dream of being a city code enforcing podiatrist is ruined, but safety first!
Barnes is said to suffer from depression and alcohol problems, but it’s a good bet there’s more going on here than any sad alcoholic could account for.
Tuck and Roll
In Phoenix, Arizona, James Alden Tuck used a three-foot sword to try to attack officers who had responded to a call that someone had a knife. Police found Tuck in his apartment lying on his tummy. He refused to respond to the officer's request that he move.
Oh my god! I stabbed myself in the colon - again!
At first, the officers couldn’t tell if Tuck was hiding anything, but then he jumped up and started waving the sword around at the police. He did agree to put the sword down when officers asked him to do so.
Police are still trying to locate the witness who made the call. The witness may require some optical care since there is about a two-and-a-half-foot difference between what the witness thought s/he saw and what Tuck was wielding.
Splay it Again, Sam
Repeat offender, Donald D. Rice of Baltimore, Maryland, had only been out of a jail a few days when he was killed by John Pontolillo. Rice broke into Pontolillo’s garage. Pontolillo, whose home had been robbed just hours earlier, armed himself with a samurai sword before investigating noise coming from his garage.
Not that kind of rice, but if he was a food he probably wouldn’t agree with you.
Rice lunged at Pontolillo, and Pontolillo got Rice with what police called a “spear laceration.” Rice died at the scene. It isn’t known if Pontolillo will be charged or not.
In Shepparton, Australia, Christopher John Maddox went after William Woods with a samurai sword and a modified nail gun because Woods told Maddox he’d done something to his daughter he shouldn’t have. Maddox told police that Bert, Maddox’s imaginary friend since age two, stepped in to finish the attack on Woods.
Saddle up, boys. We’re goin’ in!
Maddox told authorities, "What Bert says goes." Doctors haven’t yet been able to diagnose Maddox’s mental illness. Maybe Ernie knows.