Like many college students, I enjoy spending my weekends in a drunken stupor. And like many collegiate scholars, there are many stories of my drunken infamy. Hearing these tales, one often thinks, “What was I thinking?,” because many of these stories reflect a logic not typical of my sober persona.
With this in mind, I have created a translation of the possible logic of Drunk Girl, my drunken alter ego. So these are possible thought processes that go through my mind, based on the stories I have heard of my notorious drunken nights.
Scenario 1: The Case of the Flying Limes
Drunk Girl: “A lime! What fun it would be to throw it full force at my friends! Surely they will think it funny and charming to be hit in the face with a lime!”
S.C.: “I must only wear my work shirt at work.”
D.G.: “If I wear this shirt, I shall take on the persona of a safari ranger, and because of this, I must only be referred to as Ranger Chelsea, because it is only appropriate.”
Alcohol turns this ...
Scenario 3: When Enough is Enough
S.C.: “It is neither wise nor healthy to drink a pitcher full of random liquors mixed with beer and kool-aid.”
D.G.: “Yes, I believe I will have some more.”
S.C.: “Surely this shower curtain could not support my weight. Physics simply would not allow it. The shower curtain and shower curtain rod will break.”
D.G.: “How grand it will be to lounge on the shower curtain! And the abruptly landing in the bathtub!”
Scenario 5: True Love