The question is not “Why do some whites dislike and mistreat non-whites?” To ask that question is to have need of the answer - a craving that self-degradation feeds upon to further build a foundation of hopelessness, forever trapping the person in the role of victim.
The question is “Why do some non-whites care what some whites think?”
The child sex-abuse survivor gets nowhere taking the predator’s opinions of his/her worth into consideration. (Those who would assert that I am comparing white Americans to sexual predators need only recall the dynamics, not the person.) The survivor will never get past any of the roadblocks outside his/her control (e.g.: laws that accommodate the predator’s protection and people saying things like “That happened 20 years ago. Why are you bringing it up now?” or “He is a good man who would never do that.”) if s/he doesn’t take over the reins of that which s/he does have control: his/her own self-image, self-respect, pride in self and work, and eventually setting this example for others.
Knowledge is power. If all you know, or all you want to know, is how victimized you are, then that’s all the power you’ll ever have. Survivors of any crime, tragedy, or injury know surviving isn’t enough. They must actively acknowledge the strength of the person they were who survived and then seek to thrive. This requires abject dismissal of any concern for what is perceived as the predator.
Some stereotypes die hard, though - and even the mistaken beliefs we have of those who stereotype. Some whites still feel uncomfortable when they find themselves the only white in the room, on the bus, or in the elevator. I am reminded of the joke made by a black comedian who said that when he stepped onto an elevator, the only other person there, a white woman, clutched her purse when the doors closed. “Even if I took your purse, lady, where would I go?” he justifiably joked to his audience. The woman on the elevator wasted no time clutching the wrong conclusion. So did he by underestimating the extent of her fear: had an unsavory type snatched her purse away, her paralyzing fear of him — evidenced by her feeble attempt to protect her purse — would likely have allowed him to leave with her purse and without event as soon as the doors opened.
Article comments
1 - Jordan Richardson
Wonderful, wonderful fucking article.
As someone living in a society that considers itself a mosaic, I've long wondered about the American melting pot and about what good it does people to melt into the same colourless goop. It's good to see somebody else struggling with that hollow philosophy.
2 - Joanne Huspek
I agree. What a great article.
I was just thinking of the Native American view of what happened in the last 400 years. The "Europeans" devised a divine reason to mow down the "savages" and force them to assimilate, instead of (as you say) being a good neighbor.
I'm pretty sure we as a culture are never going to learn from our mistakes.
3 - Teri Centner
That was great, Diana! Both of your analogies -- shattering the mirror and after-the-game potluck -- were ideas that I never would have come up with. Yet they both made good sense to me.
If you have never read "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, I highly recommend it. She is a woman who, I think, did a great job of shattering mirrors. She first shattered the "submissive daughter/wife" image created for her by her Somalian father/family. After shattering that one, she had to start all over again and shatter the "immigrant" image assigned to her by Dutch social workders. This is one lady who's never going to give into "victimhood."
4 - Diana Hartman
Teri,
What we call victimhood is seen as a lifestyle choice by a lot of American women. This social curiosity will be the featured discussion on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet on Friday, August 15th.
5 - Jason J. Campbell
Diana,
Loved your article. The discussion of the mirror is a very interesting concept because it is a reflection of the self rather than finding comfort in that image, some only see their failures to embody the expectations of their dominant society and their failure is embodied. The metaphor's cool because the person's physical body is a representation of this failure. I would have never thought of it in these terms, making the pressure to assimilate that much more dangerous. Loved the metaphor.