The second conclusion I’ve drawn is based on a common theme prevalent (in my research and experience) among non-whites, the idea that, “Whites cannot relate to my experience as a (insert race/nationality here).” This has manifested itself in many ways, but is best represented with the most overused slogan on the planet: “It’s a (insert race/nationality here) thing. You wouldn’t understand.”
Whites don’t understand the non-white experience. Now what? Much like the skittish man who desires that which he fears most (intimacy with a woman), some non-whites seem to rely upon the very thing they most decry.
One finds a similar dynamic in the recovery of an adult survivor of child sex-abuse. S/he struggles to reclaim a life they’ve never known - one free of abuse, toxic thinking, and self-degradation. Even when physically removed from the situation, the survivor grapples with his/her self-image as if it were the enemy itself. To be free, the survivor must first recognize the falsity of that which is reflected back to them in the very mirror placed by the predator.
They must then have faith that shattering the mirror will save them, or feel so bad about themselves that they don’t care what happens when they shatter the mirror. Either way, freedom — from the constraints placed by someone else and fed by the false self — is inevitable.
For many a survivor, though, the mirror seems so real (it is, after all, the only thing they’ve ever known) that the very idea of shattering it is tantamount to suicide. As much as they dislike it, they think they can’t destroy it without also destroying themselves. Too, there is some comfort to be had in the familiarity of the pain itself – a comfort that would be shattered right along with the mirror. The difficulty with getting an adult survivor of child sex-abuse to recognize the falsity of the predator’s mirror is comparable to getting non-whites to recognize the falsity of white history’s mirror.
The civil rights movement of the '60s was noisy and dangerous – mostly because of the shards of glass flying around from all that shattering of mirrors. Martin Luther King, Jr knew (or at least hoped and believed in) what lay beyond the reflection. Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony, too, leveled many punches into the reflections held up to them as reality.
Article comments
1 - Jordan Richardson
Wonderful, wonderful fucking article.
As someone living in a society that considers itself a mosaic, I've long wondered about the American melting pot and about what good it does people to melt into the same colourless goop. It's good to see somebody else struggling with that hollow philosophy.
2 - Joanne Huspek
I agree. What a great article.
I was just thinking of the Native American view of what happened in the last 400 years. The "Europeans" devised a divine reason to mow down the "savages" and force them to assimilate, instead of (as you say) being a good neighbor.
I'm pretty sure we as a culture are never going to learn from our mistakes.
3 - Teri Centner
That was great, Diana! Both of your analogies -- shattering the mirror and after-the-game potluck -- were ideas that I never would have come up with. Yet they both made good sense to me.
If you have never read "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, I highly recommend it. She is a woman who, I think, did a great job of shattering mirrors. She first shattered the "submissive daughter/wife" image created for her by her Somalian father/family. After shattering that one, she had to start all over again and shatter the "immigrant" image assigned to her by Dutch social workders. This is one lady who's never going to give into "victimhood."
4 - Diana Hartman
Teri,
What we call victimhood is seen as a lifestyle choice by a lot of American women. This social curiosity will be the featured discussion on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet on Friday, August 15th.
5 - Jason J. Campbell
Diana,
Loved your article. The discussion of the mirror is a very interesting concept because it is a reflection of the self rather than finding comfort in that image, some only see their failures to embody the expectations of their dominant society and their failure is embodied. The metaphor's cool because the person's physical body is a representation of this failure. I would have never thought of it in these terms, making the pressure to assimilate that much more dangerous. Loved the metaphor.