My wife had a baby ten weeks ago and as a consequence we both learned some important lessons about tits. Earlier in the relationship, as in all the years before we decided to have children. Her breasts, like all milkless breasts, were a fetishistic commodity that we both enjoyed. They served no purpose; they had sufficient exchange value but virtually no use value. We owned them; we took pride in them, and men and children without a pair would have liked to have them. We are not wealthy of course; so we had to labor on with the raw materials nature gave us, and we were both pleased enough, though she frequently found herself fascinated by more marketable models — such as those advertised on “America’s Next Top Model” or “The Girls Next Door.”
We had a Neon, and she silently fancied a Rolls. Most Americans do. Audi makes the “TT” complete with auto bra for MBA couples, not quite wealthy enough for a luxury Jaguar but who might want, perhaps, a pair of Audi TT’s instead. Myself, sure I like the look of the sleeker faster models, but parking would be a constant worry about that first heart-breaking scratch. And God forbid, the ceaseless terror over vandalism and theft would be paralyzing! So I liked the Neon just fine. Of course I didn’t impress the other guys who had racier models. And my dad and my brothers, well they were polite, but I really wanted them to envy me just slightly.
All forthright men know the greatest commodity value, or what Marx called Exchange Value, of a pair of TT’s or titties is the admiration from other Men we receive when we drive around with them. In fact, the usefulness of the breasts or cars with the greatest exchange value has very little to do with anything. After all, we could squeeze a hot water bottle or leave the car and walk when it comes right down to it. Sure the love of a woman and the feel of her body are both wonderful, but the envy of other men, DAD especially, is, well, sublime.
Article comments
1 - RJ
LOL!
2 - Dave Nalle
So the collectivisation of your wife's breasts led to the downfall of your capitalist system and the dictatorship of the infant proletariat. Tragic.
Dave
3 - carmine
Dave,
Good point, I agree. The simple reality is the commodified breast, like much of what we write here, is in fact public domain. All breasts are consumed by all in America. Every woman's breasts are ultimately a bill boards to help industry sell things. "Oh my God look at those! Gee that reminds me I need to buy some new products."
4 - Cerulean
Or you could just type, "I have Mommy Issues". It saves energy.
Ugh.
5 - carmine
Dear So Blue Cerl,
Sorry to hear that
So red Carmine