The last thing caregivers need to hear is a sibling or family member scolding them on Christmas morning, or anytime, because they didn’t return your call promptly enough to suit you; especially after that caregiver has just spent three hours cleaning the elderly parent, the bed sheets and carpet resulting from a problem with incontinence.
Others, who do not deal with the everyday needs of the Alzheimer’s patient, can thwart even the best of plans.
For those who live a long distance from their loved one who has Alzheimer’s, and for those who have little, or nothing, to do with the care of the person with AD, please take time to learn about the disease, its drawbacks, its inconsistencies, its varied moods, and the effects it has on the person with AD and the caregiver.
People with Alzheimer’s are not always aware of their surroundings, even if they are in their own home. Their mood can change drastically from one moment to the next. They may not be capable of controlling their bodily functions. They may not realize the movie on the television is just a movie; those characters may in their mind become “real people” in their living room.
The person with Alzheimer’s won’t remember it is your birthday, or how old you are, or for that matter, they may not even realize you are a family member. They may not be capable of keeping up with a conversation and they do forget that they repeated the same thing several times in your half hour visit, or the ten minutes you spend with them on the phone. And when your visit or phone call is over, they may not remember you have visited or called. But, the person with Alzheimer’s might remember one thing from that visit or phone call, and that one thing could result in what will become a difficult behavior or situation that the caregiver will need to respond to.
If you are a family member who is unable to help with the care of your loved one due to time constraints, lifestyle, or distance, there are ways in which you can help without being involved in the actual day-to-day care.
Article comments
1 - JEANNE l. lEE
I am so impressed by this article. Thank you so much for sharing this in a form for even families living away and those helpful hints to not give opinions when not the main carepartner. I would also like to suggest books written by persons with dementia as a great help for carepartners. We live what others want to learn. My book is is "JUST LOVE ME" My Life Turned Upside-down by Alzheimer's published by Purdue University Press and there are many others
2 - Joanne D. Kiggins
Congratulations on your book, Jeanne! It's good to know that those with Alzheimer's share my thoughts about less-than-helpful opinions from non-caregivers. My heart goes out to you as you struggle with this disease. My best, Joanne