Though my two personal blogs have only a modest amount of visitors, Blogcritics has millions, and Curbed has many as well. Who knows; maybe Debby will get fired, go back home to her doubtless two-mil mansion, and learn how to cook her kids a decent meal in the interest of their cholesterol levels at the very least.
Let the unscrupulous, greedy, money grubbing, dishonest broker beware: Hell hath no fury like a native New Yorker taken for a chump.
Elvira Black is a “retired” New York writer blogging for her own amusement here on BC. Her passions are politics, the arts, the weird things we do, and New York City.
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Article comments
1 - Ruvy from Jerusalem
Revenge is best served up cold, Elvira. And it looks like you decided that yours would come straight from Hell's freezer.
By the way, you would do very well here with your attitude - just so long as you remember that no Israeli likes to be taken for a sucker.
2 - Elvira Black
Ruvy:
Thanks so much for the comment, my friend. I was afraid this post was so long and convoluted that no one would read it.
In fact, I've since reworked it into a shorter, more concise, and much more well-written version, which can be found at either of my personal blogs listed in my profile below. Aside from the fact that the crucial link to the alleged "teaser" ad didn't come through on this post and has to be changed, I'm begging the powers that be to let me cut a few extraneouos paras, but probably too late for that.
The excess stuff that I cut out can be used for future "Adventures in Real Estate" posts. My next one will likely be entitled "Crooklyn" and will detail G's recent foray into the wilds of Flatbush in search of a dream apartment. Needless to say, more precious time and effort were wasted, and frustration and heartache ensued.
Thing is that since BC gets millions of hits, I was kinda hoping I could really drag Debby's name through the mud all over cyberspace and really make her my bitch.
She didn't respond to my e-mail (which is fine, because I told her I didn't want a reply). However, her "mortgage bitch," as G called the mortgage broker Debby works with, did call G to arrange a preapproval. He told her the deal was off, but she's e-mailing him some forms anyway.
Yes, Ruvy--I'm normally a very agreeable, tame pussycat, but when you step on my tail too hard, my claws come out and I can be downright merciless. To paraphrase your favorite quote: a well placed period can be more powerful--and devastating--than the sword.
I'm seriously thinking of traveling to other countries for extended periods and maybe even becoming an ex-pat down the line. We're doing 2 weeks in Amsterdam at a furnished apartment in the city center in May, and might travel on to other European cities after that. NYC is just becoming too dangerous for my tastes, despite the fact that I will always love it here. Maybe we'll even wind up in your neck of the woods, at least for a visit, somewhere down the line.
I knew you could relate, Ruvy. Many thanks again for the comment.
3 - methuselah
"Having resided in an 800 square foot Lower East Side Manhattan coop..."
Is that 'coop' as in "co-operatively owned condo", or 'coop' as in "chicken coop"?
4 - methuselah
All realestate sellers are betrayers, there is simply no way to avoid it. Why? Because they will soon fail and leave the business if they are not.
Look at it logically and never believe the stupid syllogisms they advance to try to get you as a customer. Ignore "I have 20 years of experience in this town so I must be doing something right", or "look at this house I bought (or sold) for Jones at a $100k savings (or $100k profit) - you can call them". These gags are so transparent that it always amazes me that anyone at all falls for them. But Hope Springs Eternal and we all tend to hope that this charming person is competent and truthful and dependable.
The truth is that the realestate person will bargain away your position in order to close the deal quickly and collect the commission with the least effort on their part. They do NOT act on your behalf. That's the bad news, the good news is that they'll bargain away the other guys position, too! There is little difference in their commission whether they sell your house for 500k or 450k, but it makes a big difference to you, the seller. Similarly, when you are buying they don't care what your monthly payments will be. In fact, they do not care one whit what the buying/selling price is because that price has no leverage against their net yield. All they care about is time spent, which depends on forfeiting whoever's interest is required in order to close the deal quickly.
Your job is to figure out how to manipulate the dealer to your advantage through his desire to maximize his hourly commission income. The direct way to do this, the honest way, would be to structure the selling commission to reward the realtor (if, for example, you are selling). So suppose you offer a structured commision schedule: 5% if he sells it at the asking price of 500k, 4% at 450k and 6% at 550k. Now he can see that the 100k swing in price is a swing from 18k to 33k in commission. That makes it worthwhile to go after the highest price for you, the seller. But it's hard to setup because the realtor and his company both hate these things (it restricts their ability to down-negotiate your position). So you need a ready alternative, which I have already figured out and used.
But I'm going to quit here because I don't get paid for this crap (except when I'm doing it - in my own interest).
One more free hint: take a good Negotiation Course. It will help you as either a buyer or seller, and, perhaps more importantly, will help you qualify a bozo who wants to become your realtor: you'll be able to determine their skill and training by drilling them on their knowledge and experience with using negotiation techniques to YOUR advantage. I recently fired a supposed negotiator for failing such a simple test when I queried this self-proclaimed salesperson for the 3 properties of money, whereupon it was evident she was too lazy to have ever taken a Negotiation course.
5 - Elvira Black
Methuseleh:
You said:
"Having resided in an 800 square foot Lower East Side Manhattan coop..."
Is that 'coop' as in "co-operatively owned condo", or 'coop' as in "chicken coop"?
Um, very clever, my friend--but you have obviously never lived in or probably even visited NYC, which can truthfully be considered a totally different planet, real estate wise.
Manhattan boasts some of--in fact I think the most--expensive real estate in the world. Our 800 square foot "chicken coop" is considered a virtual palace by Manhattan standards. Because our area is more recently gentrified, prices are still a bargain--more space for less money than uptown, where a similar space would likely go for 650K and up. Anything larger will likely run you into one mill and beyond. Three or four of these "coops" could fit easily into a typical suburban home selling for half the price of one unit here.
But as they say in the real estate biz, it's all about location, location, location. If you live in a typical 250K suburban house elsewhere in the country and could magically transplant it to Manhattan, you'd likely be a millionaire several times over.
We New Yorkers don't like to be mocked--and it's not often we are. Most folks know that what we lack in square footage we more than make up for with our access to culture, amenities, excitement, diversity, and everything else that makes New York City one of a kind.
I'll reply to your followup comment shortly--maybe.
6 - S.T.M
Yeah, nice story Elvira ... I have just (last week) bought a new house in Sydney, where real estate prices have come down recently after going through the roof. What a drama the whole process has been, beginning with a vendor who just didn't understand that the market has crashed and that the price he wanted for the house in the middle of last year is now about $100,000 above its real value in the current buyers' market. Probably one of the reasons it had been listed for sale since that time.
One agent told me that the vendor of a house I wanted to buy first up had lived there six years. A mate on the newspaper decided to check for me and discovered the guy had bought it only six months before, had only settled the purchase and moved in three months ago and had put in three down lights and done a bit of a presentation with some new furniture. For that, he wanted nearly $100,000 more than he'd paid for it those paltry three months before - and in a falling market. There's a sucker born every minute, but luckily it wasn't me this time. Of course, none of the major works needed on the place had been done. In my opinion, real estate agents the world over just talk horseshit and if you find a decent one (I did, eventually), you're lucky. The one thing I've discovered in this whole process: too many people care about only one thing - money (theirs, of course, while yours is unimportant unless they're getting as much of it as they can). Glad it's over and I sympathise.
7 - Elvira Black
Methuseleh:
OK, back to you.
Though you make many excellent and informative points, once again your rather condescending air is a bit off-putting.
Firstly, you assume that because one broker tried the oldest trick in the book that it therefore follows that I am a hapless "sucker." Not so.
As a native New Yorker, I am of course obsessed with real estate--even more than the average American is. In my New York Stories series here, I have a number of articles devoted to the vagaries of the New York real estate market, and how sometimes nearly imperceptible changes can signal the beginning of a 'hood's transformation from no man's land to must-have hip locale. I am as adept as a bloodhound at sniffing out these trends--which sometimes take years, if not decades, to come to full fruition.
Thus, if I were motivated by greed alone and wanted to make a "killing," I would already be planning on flipping my new Bronx property, which has already at least doubled in price from about 5 years ago. But this will be my home, not my meal ticket.
Similarly, I am going to Amsterdam in May, and have rented a furnished room through a reputable agency which rents flats in many countries, including New York, After viewing ads which list Manhattan apts, even in more "dicey" hoods, at 1000 per week and up, I know I could rent my new Bronx digs out and my trip abroad would likely pay for itself and then some.
But I don't relish strangers in my new home, and though subletting is allowed, it is best for all concerned to do it legally via the Board's rules. This way, a subletter is screened with the same care that I was.
Secondly: having access to the internet and being a master researcher, when we put our place on the market I soon perused all the major (and many minor) real estate blogs and websites. The market was in transition at the time, and many said the real estate bubble had burst and prices would collapse across the board. Yes, we were selling in a buyer's market--but at least in New York, and especially in Manhattan, the bubble turned out to be nothing more than a blip. Though prices have stopped rising to the dizzying speeds they had attained, it seems as if the market here will remain quite robust. For one thing, brokers young and old on Wall Street have just received (or are set to receive) record bonuses sufficient in most cases to buy a very nice Manhattan coop.
In addition, I chose my broker for the sale with care. He handles the coop developments we live in exclusively, though others co-broker with them. The staff all live in the buildings, know the layouts, board requirements, financial pre-qualifications, etc like the back of their hand. They did an excellent job of marketing the property on the internet, and it appeared in the New York Times online every day, along with other sites.
I didn't have to be told the drill--by the time we started using them, I knew it by heart. Give the brokers keys to your home; keep it show-ready at all times; eliminate clutter; stage the home for maximum "wow" value; try not to be home for showings; and be prepared to clear out, sometimes at a moment's notice, so that potential buyers can view it in peace.
As a result, we had several offers, and accepted one after a few months on the market--shorter than average, actually.
As far as buying, as I stated above, I had my dream home picked out years ago. I will probably close on it a day or two after we close on our downtown place--or within a week at most if all goes as planned.
My roomate, however, was not as proactive as me. When we got an offer for 450K, I pleaded with him to accept it, but he did so only grudgingly. But the brokers had advised me that an identical unit several stories up had sold for this price, and I knew that the cardinal rule for sellers is not to overprice your apartment--at least in this cooling market.
Furthermore, the wonderful broker I worked with for so long lost her commission at the last minute when another broker showed the apartment and a colleague from her office got the portion she would have received if she had shown the property. Still and all, she advised me to make my own decisions when another offer came up at the last minute which could have saved her commission. Because she lived in my building and went through the frustrations with me, she put her professionalism ahead of self-serving greed.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot for my friend, I've learned a thing or two about the process. Unfortunately, the brokers that we've encountered so far have been dishonest or lazy to the core.
As in any profession, there are crooks and liars. There are also honest professionals who will uphold their fiduciary responsibilities to the letter.
In fact, some real estate websites are quick to point out that fellow brokers and the Real Estate Board itself have contributed to the lousy rep even the best brokers must deal with.
Moreover, instead of crying in a corner, I got even by writing this piece. And rather than hoarding my experience and knowlege, I hope that my pieces may at least amuse and/or infuriate others, and perhaps even help them avoid common pitfalls in buying and selling their own homes.
Many real estate agents were "born" during the boom years, and many have since quit the biz as soon as things got tougher and they realized they had to do much more than simply sit back and let the commission checks roll in. Those with staying power have the experience and patience and dedication to ride out the market's ups and downs. They are the ones buyers and sellers should put their money on--as long as they are reasonably honest.
And last but not least, I just fired the real estate attorney who was to handle my contract and closing on the new place due to his laziness and an attitude of self-important superiority rather similar to the vibes I received from your comments above.
8 - Elvira Black
Two minor corrections:
The place we will be staying in Amsterdam is a fully furnished studio apt--not a "furnished room"-- in the city center and is hundreds of years old but stocked with all the modern amenities we could ever need or want. They have received nothing but rave reviews from users, and their prices are comparable to a decent hotel in the same area.
Their people said they would gladly list my Bronx place for a 10 percent commission if I wished to do so, but although it was tempting, I thought better of it.
Secondly, a clarification: though my downtown broker deals only with apartments in my complex, they do not have an exclusive handle on these sales. But they do co-broker with other companies, which is in the best interests of both buyer and seller, and in the end, is more profitable for them as well.
STM: Congrats on your new home! I will reply at more length in a bit.
Christopher: is there any way we can delete these real estate shysters who are posting their websites here? Pretty please?
9 - Christopher Rose
Your lovely article is now a spam free zone, Ms Elvira.
10 - Elvira Black
Christopher:
Thank you so much! I love it when you crack the whip like that...