A few years ago, after taking a bunch of kids to a birthday party, I discovered an old, beat-up Wolverine action figure abandonned in the back seat of my car. No one ever tried to claim it and I was never able to find out whose it was, but maybe I didn't try as hard as I could have, because there was something strangely fascinating and kind of soothing about that little 8-inch guy with the colorful costume and pointy hair.
My kids are both girls, so prior to that discovery the closest things to action figures in our house were barbies, which we have in abundance, but they really aren't the same thing. In my childhood action figures hadn't really come on the scene yet, so with the exception of GI Joe who my parents frowned on - what with Vietnam and everything - I was left with extremely inadequate and decidedly low-action toy soldiers. I suppose I've felt the lack of a good, posable, action-oriented toy ever since then. So when that Wolverine came my way it became a major feature of my office, taken down and played with whenever I needed a distraction or something to occupy my hands.
Perhaps there's some sort of innate desire to play god, which attracts us to action figures, regardless of our age, and for me Wolverine became the focus of that long-suppressed urge. Of course, I soon discovered that it was like a drug and I found myself wanting more - more variety, more quantity and more action poses. Even worse, Wolverine was starting to wear out, losing his bright colors, and getting the stiff joints of old age. Yet I couldn't just go to a store and buy a new action figure for myself. What kind of 40-something with no male offspring buys toys designed for the under-10 set? It's either nerdy, creepy or pathetic. My sense of dignity made it impossible, not to mention the disapproving looks from my eldest daughter whenever I happened to pick one up and look at it wistfully.
Article comments
1 - Tao Jonez
too twizted fer color tv
good times, good laugh. now we iz knowing what Dave to the N does in his spare time
2 - Dave Nalle
Damn, none of the amazon links have pictures. What's the deal with that. They have pics on Amazon. I shall fix.
Dave
3 - SFC Ski
We really DO live in a Golden Age. Some of these figures would be great to have if I didn't have to box up my stuf and move every three years.
4 - DrPat
My dad used to collect "belly-button fuzz." (At least he swore to us kids that he did.) An aunt collected newspapers - when she died, we found her house stuffed, floor to ceiling, with stacks of yellowing newsprint.
I suppose, if you must collect something, these toys are a relatively harmless choice.
5 - Bennett
A buudy of mine gave me a 17" Hulk Hogan for x-mas years back. Hulk has been guarding my toilet tank for several years now.
*Smackdown!*
6 - Dave Nalle
In the tank or on the tank, Bennett? Based on his new show I'd go with inside.
Dave
7 - Bennett
Heh, I'm not going to waste my time on his show. And MY Hulk is from the days before he bleached the sides of his moustache. WTF's up with that?
This post was a lot of fun to read. Thanks Dave!
8 - Matt Paprocki
I'm not a dork because I own action figures. I'm a dork because I own ALOT of action figures.
9 - Bennett
That's a damn fine collection you have there, Matt! Guess you never get bored when it's raining, eh?
20 years from now you'll get rich selling them on eBay...
10 - Dave Nalle
Hrmph. For some reason I can't get Matt's link to work. Was eager to see his collection.
At some point in the future I hope to do a piece on the whole collectible movie figurine business - sort of like super expensive, limited edition action figures with their price and the sculptoral quality taken up several notches.
Dave
11 - RJ
"Plus it's almost impossible to resist posing Wilde and Bigfoot in sexually suggestive positions."
ROTFL! :)
12 - Matt Paprocki
Someone HTML'd the link and didn't do it right. =:(
So, assuming it's done right this time, go here (sorry, don't know diddly about HTML):
First picture in the fourth row.
13 - bhw
Sigh. Bitch is havin' a bad night with the comments. Should be fixed now, Matt.
14 - Bennett
Hang in there bhw, we appreciate the work.
15 - Dave Nalle
I like the subtitle "The Online Souce for Videogamers. Constantly Collecting? Click here!"
Which suggests that if I click there I can purchase some videogamers.
I also like the fact that you have Ferets sort your videos. I knew they were useful for something.
Dave
16 - Matt Paprocki
You can. There's a buy/sell forum you can access from the forum main page. =;)
17 - Mark Sahm
Funny post, Dave. But you shouldn't be ashamed at all about having the figurines... there are gents out there with collections that take up entire basements.
If you were looking for something really cool though, do an eBay search for some Marvel licensed figurines that talk. A classic was Venom (Spider Man's enemy) who famously said: "I wanna eat your brain!"
18 - Dave Nalle
"gents" AKA meganerds.
I was actually in Toys R Us the other day and had a hard time resisting a Ben Grimm figure that says 'It's Clobbering Time'.
Dave
19 - Billy Braindeath
There are some great action figures for The Incredibles too. And it's a film aimed at grown-ups as well as kids. Great subversive humor.
BB
20 - NaNancy O'Brien
III have an idea for a talking action figure which has good commercial possibilities. How should I begin. Thanks! [Personal contact info deleted]