The Question
I don't know who to talk to about this because I am truly embarrassed for my friends. I just found out yesterday that my dear close friends (two different couples) have been "swinging." It's more like three of them I believe, but who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Both of these couples are young engaged couples with very bright futures ahead of them.
I cherish my friendship with my handful of girlfriends, and think of them as precious people. When I heard this was going on, and that I was pretty much the only one who didn't know about it, I was devastated, I was disgusted, and began to cry. This happens only when they are drunk, but it has happened a lot. My husband and I are newly married, and we all hang out and party together.
I am so upset about all of this that I decided not to go to their co-ed bachelorette party in Vegas this weekend. I am still going to be in their wedding, but I feel in my heart that I cannot be friends with either couple anymore. I don't even want to support this marriage/union. I would feel so sick to my stomach. I really don't have a real reason. It's just not who I am, how I was raised, or where I come from.
Is it wrong for me to ditch my close girlfriends because of this?
The Answer
Whew! This is a very emotional topic because your underlying beliefs are being questioned. On the bright side, these types of situations really help us grow.
Our mission is to help everyone learn to come from a place of love and acceptance in all of their relationships. We do not judge you for your beliefs or actions nor do we believe that you should judge your friends for their beliefs or actions. We feel there is no right or wrong (yes, we know that many will disagree with us on this). Each of us has our own perception of what is right and what is wrong. That perception is different for everyone and will very likely change over the years. There are groups of people with similar perceptions and beliefs (various major religious and political organizations).
Article comments
1 - Mary
what if me and my boyfriend is a swinger and i dont like him to have sex with othere girl whit out me there. what if i want my boyfriend do me frist and he gets made what should i do.
2 - STM
Geez, I dunno. That's a fairly big trust issue between close friends that's gone right out the window.
If people want to swing, that's their business. Really, it's not our position to judge.
However, when it involves three sets of your best couple-type friends, I'd be starting to wonder how long it would be before they'd be conniving to involve you, drunk or not (it's no excuser of anything, really).
That might become quite an odious situation, especially if they're aware that you are a) recently married and b) have no interest.
The issue is trust here, in a friendship, rather than morals - and they've broken the trust.
I'd be finding some new friends.
People often think their marriages/relationships will easily survive such situations as swinging, but quite often it all ends in tears and families break up and children get hurt.