Suddenly, the spider starts coming back. It makes its way down the whole ponytail and is nearly onto the edge of the vinyl seat, which makes it open game. I take out my weapon of choice. Fly swatter? Machete? 12 gauge auto loader with laser sighting? No, no, no. My train pass, and I reckon I can get it to crawl on my pass, then drop it to the floor, and say hello Mr. Rockport Size 10 sole.
The bug touches vinyl and I make my move. I move the pass in, and it jumps back on the pony tail! Shit! I quickly swipe at the tuft of hair the arachnid stands upon, and knock it to the vinyl. A second swipe knocks it to the floor. It jumps once upon landing, but right into the path of the oncoming stomp of the casual dress shoe.
I got it! Ha ha ha! Got it! Victory is mine! (Please note: Celebration dramatized for literary value.) Again, even in all five seconds of this action, no one was watching to take in my glory. Not even the woman noticed that I had done anything. Was it real? Was all this a sleep deprived delusion? I checked the bottom my shoe. Yup. Green smush. Very appetizing.
Nevertheless, I finally get to sleep. Except now, I seem to have this strange itchy feeling. Most ironic, eh?
Mark Sahm writes and spins webs of artistic madness at Blogimus Prime.
Article comments
1 - parker
I went to the car dealer to take in my car for maintenance. I had a really long converstation with the person behind the desk, then went to the bathroom before my long wait. When I looked in the mirror, I realized I had a tick sitting smack dab in the middle of my forehead. Now, IMO I felt that they should have mentioned it. What if it were carrying lime disease? I think that they didn't mention it because they wanted to get a good score on the customer service survey they send everyone after their service.
Sure was embarassing. Now let me tell you about the embarrassing moth worms crawling around on my sweater one day at work...
2 - Mark Sahm
Yikes. How did you not feel it? Was it at your hairline? I'm just wondering it was latched on without any sensation. Quite funny though. You can spare me the moth worm story though.
3 - KYS
Food between the teeth, unclean nostril, inidentified goo stuck to hair...it's a true friend indeed who will give you the heads-up.
4 - Bennett
Very amusing post, Mark! Thanks for the grins.
Bennett
5 - Duane
Murderer!
But seriously, I would have taken a pair of pocket scissors and snipped off the ponytail, letting it fall to the floor, then killed the little bastard spider to death, who has the audacity to board a train. What was it thinking, anywa?. You would have been a hero to the young damsel. Well, maybe next time you will be prepared.
6 - KYS
Duane- would you like to join our new "Terrorist Task Force"? You'd be awesome. ;)
7 - Duane
Do you have some kinda plan to terrorize the insect and arachnid kingdoms? I'm there, dude.
8 - KYS
Absolutely! We can no longer tolerate the fundamentalist ravings of the multi-legged. Encrypted instructions to follow....
Oops! I'm off-topic here...
9 - Mark Sahm
My fiance has volunteered me for that same task force since I have to kill anything that unlawfully enters the apartment, no matter what size...
But the green spider met a significantly less painful death than that house centipede that invaded the kitchen last year.
10 - Leoniceno
I was at a camp one summer, you know, sleeping in a tent, and a spider crawled down my shirt, and then when I woke up--I found it there. Not pleasant. Entertaining story.
-Leoniceno