Then comes the apathy bug. I thought, why should I care? I don't know this lady. I'm not her guardian angel. I have nothing against spiders, but if I close my eyes, it could be one of those jumping spiders that leaps onto me next. And that would suck. Nothing worse than waking up to a spider crawling on your ear. Bet that made you just itch your ear, eh?
Alas, this is not like those moments when a stranger has a huge booger hanging from their nose, and you do a quick nod, raise your brows in worry and motion to wipe their nose. No, this is way beyond my sleepless capacity for rational thought. This was one of those moments when you look around at a dozen people right around you, and of course, everyone was either sleeping or reading the Times or Wall Street Journal. Damn it, this was my burden it seemed.
So I decide to settle on the pinch route without any warning. Just reach in and squash it. But wait, what if it really is poisonous and bites me before dying? Nah, dude, you're in New York, not Nicaragua. Wait, it could have tagged along on a freighter, or maybe this bright green spider is a by-product of some toxic spillage deep in the sphincter of Westchester County. (Which, by the way, if Peter Parker really did get bitten by a radioactive spider, he would have broken out in hives, swelled up and died. So I'm not expecting super powers here.)
Just as I wait for a moment to go for it, the spider starts crawling towards her forehead. Oh shit, do I say something? Why won't it just jump off? I look around. Still no one sees it but me. This is like the Twilight Zone episode where Will Shatner sees the gremlin on the plane wing. I hear the conductor at the end of the car checking tickets. By the time he gets here, he'll see it on her and shoo the bug off before it gets to her face.
Article comments
1 - parker
I went to the car dealer to take in my car for maintenance. I had a really long converstation with the person behind the desk, then went to the bathroom before my long wait. When I looked in the mirror, I realized I had a tick sitting smack dab in the middle of my forehead. Now, IMO I felt that they should have mentioned it. What if it were carrying lime disease? I think that they didn't mention it because they wanted to get a good score on the customer service survey they send everyone after their service.
Sure was embarassing. Now let me tell you about the embarrassing moth worms crawling around on my sweater one day at work...
2 - Mark Sahm
Yikes. How did you not feel it? Was it at your hairline? I'm just wondering it was latched on without any sensation. Quite funny though. You can spare me the moth worm story though.
3 - KYS
Food between the teeth, unclean nostril, inidentified goo stuck to hair...it's a true friend indeed who will give you the heads-up.
4 - Bennett
Very amusing post, Mark! Thanks for the grins.
Bennett
5 - Duane
Murderer!
But seriously, I would have taken a pair of pocket scissors and snipped off the ponytail, letting it fall to the floor, then killed the little bastard spider to death, who has the audacity to board a train. What was it thinking, anywa?. You would have been a hero to the young damsel. Well, maybe next time you will be prepared.
6 - KYS
Duane- would you like to join our new "Terrorist Task Force"? You'd be awesome. ;)
7 - Duane
Do you have some kinda plan to terrorize the insect and arachnid kingdoms? I'm there, dude.
8 - KYS
Absolutely! We can no longer tolerate the fundamentalist ravings of the multi-legged. Encrypted instructions to follow....
Oops! I'm off-topic here...
9 - Mark Sahm
My fiance has volunteered me for that same task force since I have to kill anything that unlawfully enters the apartment, no matter what size...
But the green spider met a significantly less painful death than that house centipede that invaded the kitchen last year.
10 - Leoniceno
I was at a camp one summer, you know, sleeping in a tent, and a spider crawled down my shirt, and then when I woke up--I found it there. Not pleasant. Entertaining story.
-Leoniceno