There is no safety net “Golden Umbrella" for people who work for a living that get hit with disabling disasters.
2004 was a great year for me. Well, up until November that is. I’d achieved all my life’s goals before I hit 50. I made a good living, had around $25,000 in the bank, leased to own a new Inferno Red 2004 Sebring convertible, lived in the center penthouse of a building within the Columbus downtown skyline, and I had lots of friends. I had a little business called Jet’sArt Custom Illustrations, and when times got slow, I delivered pizzas part time in the coolest delivery car around — bar none! In the beginning of that year, I decided to forego extra expenses like health insurance and started paying down a $20,000 credit card debt at the beginning of that year by sending Visa $1000 to $1250 a month and MasterCard $600, and did it without it even denting my budget.…
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276 - Jet in Columbus
Considering all that I've survived, yes, I'd be dead without it Bliff. Thoughts of suicide have haunted me since losing the ability to artistically create and regularly travel across the country at will.
The fact that several here at BC chipped in to help me last year in order to be able to get a lawyer to file bankruptcy, because Legal Aid wouldn't help because of how intentionally complicated the bankruptcy laws have become since Bush took office.
The fact that I used to have $24,000 in savings that's now gone because of it, and the nightmares and flashbacks that nearly destroyed my state of mind, were helped by Cymbalta.
Hell there's examples of what happened to me mentally all over this website, when I was low on it and went into rages and nearly incomprehensible verbal fits.
I have 4 refills left on the prescription, but Gallagher Bassett refuses to authorise them, so I'm beginning to go through withdrawal symptoms.
277 - Jet in Columbus
I think my personal diary blog's title says it all..."Blogging on the edge of suicide".
My shrink as me reconstructing what happened to me that night, and what's happened since. Believe me, not a story to relate while days gone by without an anti-depressant.
The blog's title page points to the kind of commercial art work I used to be capable of.
278 - Jet in Columbus
The Cymbalta withdrawal symptoms are getting worse. When I’m calm like this, I have to write stuff down. It’s almost like a compulsion that I can’t stop myself from doing.
I can’t remember what I did yesterday, sometimes what I did hours ago. I started writing things down so I’d remember, but the last thing I wrote was last Friday. I get dizzy and feel like I’m going to throw up, but I don’t. I will suddenly lose my balance for no apparent reason and crash my shoulder into something.
The spontaneous bleeding from the Coumadin therapy is getting worse. Behind my left ear won’t stop bleeding, nor will my shoulders. Dr. Skully says it's nerves. My pillows are covered with dried blood.
I have these uncontrollable rages, where I’ll pound my desk hard with my fists or throw something. I’ve almost broken my keyboard and/or mouse a couple of times. I’ll see something on TV that’s funny and will laugh uncontrollably. I’ll just as suddenly get really sad and don’t know what to do, so I’ll just sit staring.
A few days ago a medassist organization checked my checking balance, and National City Bank charged me $35 to provide seven months of statements to them! Now I go on line every few hours to check my checking account balance to see if some other agency checked the balance and I’ve been charged more money. After I do, I feel foolish and wonder why I did it, and that it was dumb to worry about it.
I’ll get a stretch of hours when I feel perfectly fine and wonder why I was crazy before and there are other times when I can’t remember what I just did. There are times when I can’t remember if I took my scheduled pills, and I’ll check and recheck my pill minders.
My sleeping is all over the place, and I can’t predict when I’ll fall asleep and wake up, and most of the time, I have to consult my computer to figure out what day it is. Sometimes I’ll wake up really scared, but I don’t know why. Sometimes I’ll lock my apartment door because I’m afraid someone will come in and hurt me, other times, I make sure it’s unlocked in case I have another heart attack and will need help. I keep hearing my front doorbell ringing clearly in my mind, but I know it’s not really ringing. I keep thinking someone’s about to come to my door. I’m not afraid of who it might be, just that I think my doorbell’s about to ring.
I’ll get uncontrolled shudders that run through my whole body. My right eye is still unable to focus because of the most recent hemorrhage and if I look up and tilt my head back, a big glob of maroon blood crawls into my field of view, which means it still actively bleeding inside my eye.
279 - Jet in Columbus
How Not to Buy Your Own Leased Car
All through my bankruptcy last year, I was careful not to include Hunting*** bank in it because I didn’t want to lose my beautiful car. It’d almost became an obsession, not because it was an object, but because it was the first car I ever took possession of brand new off the showroom floor. Now I want to keep it because I know for a fact how well it was kept up and maintained.
One year after the bankruptcy was final, I went to Hunting*** Bank to see about buying my beloved car. In the whole five years that I had it, I never missed a monthly payment, now was I late with one or missed an insurance payment. The attack that left me disabled was on November 4th 2004. From that point on I was on workman’s comp. In June of 2005 I started getting Social Security Disability for my destroyed left leg.
I pointed out that I’ve had the exact same income for nearly four years and had the track record to prove it. The lease payments were $299.83 and Allstate robbed me at $722 every six months because Hunting*** bank insisted that I be insured to the hilt and then some to the tune of $300,000 for anything that could possibly happen to the car.
When I first got it, I didn’t care-I could afford it easily. Around 2005 when I was declared totally disabled, I realized how much I’d need to start stretching every dollar, and raised my deductible to $2000 to lower the payments by a measly $16 a month.
With my bankruptcy last year, it'd be impossible to get a used car loan.
I was turned down by my bank-National C*** the moment they heard the word “bankruptcy”.
I was turned down by Hunting*** Bank, whom I was leasing it from.
Lease turn-in date is July 17th-last payment due June 17th.
June 3rd, of this year, I went into the dealership where I got the car. Laid out the situation up front concerning bankruptcy and how I'd never missed a payment nor been late with one.
The head salesman told me it might take some doing, but he'd give it a try. I filled out all kinds of loan papers of which I have copies, laid out the whole situation regarding being on Workman's comp, and Social Security disability, figuring they'd quickly find out if I didn't tell them up front. He had me fill out income statements, He got some kind of approval over the phone and called Hunting*** Bank to get the buy-down figure on the car. He was amazed that I only had 40,000 miles on it. More papers were signed and shuffled.
Workman's comp didn't pay a bill in 2006, and kept insisting they had, this went on my credit report, which gave both MasterCard and Visa an excuse to charge me 33.9% interest and impossible to meet minimum payments. Thus I filed successfully for bankruptcy in March of 2007 and it was final on July 2nd... all of which was explained clearly to the salesman I dealt with at the dealership.
Half an hour later he congratulated me, shook my hand and gave me even more papers to sign. In the midst of it, he suddenly remembered that he wanted me to sign an income statement leaving the amount blank. He takes a $1,000 cash down payment from me, removed my license plates from my car, issues me temporary tags and installed them, has me sign odometer reading and lease turn-in sheets, had me sign a bunch of "As is" and "We owe" papers.
I was a little worried, because it seemed that since I was the 2nd owner the 7-year 70,000 would be invalid. Never got a straight answer on that one, however I was told that since “technically” I was the first co-owner so to speak, that it shouldn’t be a problem.
He informed me that I need not make the final lease payment to Hunting***, and issued me papers that stated that my payments to Chrysler Financial would be $292 a month for five years. The first payment would be due by July 4th 2008.
He congratulated me on being the 1st/2nd owner of my car, and sent me on my way in my car arriving in a lessee and leaving an owner.
He said the ownership documents and payment book, so I can get my plates would be coming soon. The salesman wanted me to by gap insurance for the car incase anything happened to it, but I couldn't afford it. He took a moment (never leaving the room, nor using the phone) and said he negotiated my finance rate down a point for being a repeat customer and used that to buy the gap insurance for me.
The first year of my car lease I paid $299.83 for five years to the tune of about $18,000 (paydown was $11.000+). The new agreement papers I have, say $292.40 over a period of five years... which means all in all I'd wind up paying $36,000 for a $29,500 car. But I didn't mind, I love that car, and would never be able to get another of any kind with my finances.
I went home a happy man… for a change.
Out of the blue on the afternoon of June 17th (the day of my final lease payment to Hunting*** my car dealership called me to say that Chrysler changed their minds and that my loan had been canceled. I had 15 minutes to rush to Hunting*** Bank to make the final lease payment before it was late. It took them 15 minutes to find it because it wasn't on the computer-it'd been canceled/bought out? by Chrysler.
I went to the dealership and politely and calmly asked what the heck was going on. I even offered to put an additional $500 down if it'd help. I was asked to wait a few days to see what happens, while they tried asking a few more places. The salesman had Monday the 22nd off and asked me to come in the following Tuesday.
Little did I know that each and every time a credit application was made and rejected, my credit score gets even lower? Meanwhile I had no idea who owned my car or if the insurance is valid on it (yes if by Hunting***-no if by Chrysler). I was really hopeful for this deal to go through because I'd never be able to get another car with the credit I have, and would be out of transportation unless I couldn’t figure a successful way out of this situation.
I'm still being treated for posttraumatic stress at OSU, and severe depression because of the major things that keep going wrong in my life on a regular and frequent basis without warning, making it nearly impossible for me to talk myself into leaving my apartment… for a week
I spent the whole time sleeping. With severe depression, it’s an almost physical thing to want to sleep all the time rather than face the world. The following Monday I gathered my wits about me and began making phone calls. I got an appointment with a lawyer with offices on the ground floor in my building. After searching the fine print, he finally found a clause in one of the loan contracts that allowed Chrysler to pull the financial rug out from under me.
My depression deepened almost to being unable to function, but I knew I couldn’t face my shrink that Wednesday if I gave up, so the next day I got even busier on the phone.
Hunting*** Bank wouldn’t approve the loan, I explained the circumstances and she transferred me to her supervisor who promptly told me the same thing. He transferred me to his supervisor. After once again explaining the circumstances she put me on hold and came back ten minutes later to ask me if I could afford $222.80 a month. I was ecstatic and took the deal immediately.
She told me the problem was that the loan (mysteriously had fallen to $10,200) was worth more than the car. It’d fallen more than half its value in five years. I asked her what the gap was, and she said $11??. I told her that the dealership still had my thousand down payment, and I’d happily put it and $500 more if it’d help. She said it’d cinch the deal.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I was put on hold for about 15 minutes.
She came back and told me that the bank’s underwriters refused my loan. I thought of walking out to my balcony and falling over it six stories. My ears were roaring and ringing and I felt like I was trapped under a waterbed mattress. Even then, tears wouldn’t come.
She said she’d like me to call a place in Alabama that might be able to help, or even arrange for an extension on my lease.
They set up a deal for me at $252 a month to purchase it, No one will lease out a car that’s five years old, then told me the same thing I’d heard all morning and afternoon. She pointed out one thing though. She told me to get my lease payment book and see what was on the last page. There was a page that said if I wanted to keep the car an additional month past the contract to use that coupon.
I have a one month reprieve, that extends the lease from July 17th to August 17th. July 23rd I go for my heart exam and then surgery for my leg.
It hurts like hell to admit this, but the thought is never far from my mind that I hope I die on the operating table.
Then I pull back what little sanity I have left and know it’s not true…
280 - Jet in Columbus
P.S. follow my URL link to see some big freshly posted photos of the car...