For me, Michael is a confidante, a true friend. He feels like a childhood friend even though we were adults when we met. We're a couple of old river rats who have done away with pretense long ago as you can see from this scraggly picture. Maybe you have someone like that. I hope you have someone like that. Someone that really sees you right through all your neuroses, or masks, or ups and downs and highs and lows. Your years of being in your game and those chapters that you'd rather forget and loving you just the same either way.
My husband is like that for me. And so is Michael. And, I know that Michael doesn't have the expected life span that I do. He's my peer but he won't get old with me.
Now, he could be here three more years, or five, or longer. But I can tell by the way he looks at me when I say "five" with that neutral look directly into my eye that says "be here now", that patient look that somehow tells me that five is maybe too big a number that I have to be ready.
A few of you saw me through a lot of kicking, screaming, sobbing and general existential meltdown a couple years ago when this started to really get into my consciousness. Michael worked very hard with me and I worked even harder on myself to get ready. I'm not saying I won't grieve the hell out of him when he goes. But I am saying that I see him with very clear eyes and know today what a gift I have in our friendship and how blessed I have been to have these sixteen years. I can sit now on his grave site and feel calm. I know he has suffered tremendously in his life in ways that you and I could never conceive of. He was given one hell of a hand and he's played it marvelously. When the game is finally over for him, how could I be anything but proud and grateful?
On this, the eve of the 31st anniversary of his injury, I am humbled and struggling for the words to express what his life has meant to me. He has given me gifts that would cause most of us to shudder. He gave me the gift of recognizing mortality and of recognizing that time is finite. He made death real to me. He taught me about love and friendship in a way that precious few men and women are able to grasp. It's been an amazing paradox to come to terms with, loving someone who is both vitally alive but that I could lose at any time.
Article comments
1 - Syd Gallaher
Hi. Thank you for writing this. I was wondering how Michael's health is today. I am a caregiver for a quad who is currently about 21 years post injury.
2 - Laura Young
Hi Syd,
Michael is still rolling, into his 24th year post injury. In fact I'll be heading out to see him today and just attended the Illinois high school state hockey championship where he gives out the MVP award.
Winter is tough on him, as I know you can appreciate but he's made it through another one. He's got nine lives, at least. The biggest problem we have now is that he is outliving his van and his equipment and as you know that stuff isn't cheap to replace!!!
How's the person you are helping getting along?