I feel extreme emotions. I am very positive or very negative, very happy or very sad. I’ve always felt this way. My relationship is a confusing situation. My fights are like, “Go to hell, I hate you,” and the next moment, “I love you.” My conversations are filled with these extreme emotions. I am not able to work things out. I fear rejection and abandonment all the time. If my boyfriend doesn’t take my calls, I get angry and I’m sure he doesn’t want me. I feel out of control. What can I do? Is this BPD?
If you want to know for sure whether or not you have Bipolar Disorder (also known as Manic-Depressive Illness), see your doctor or local clinic. It doesn’t sound like this is the case with you because bipolar episodes last considerably longer than an argument.
Of greater concern is your fear of rejection and abandonment, so it's time to get to the bottom of that. You're mad at the very person you fear losing because they have all the control over whether or not they stay. If they leave, this reinforces your fears of being unworthy and unlovable. This in turn provokes your sadness.
This is crucial, but it isn't the crux of the problem. The bottom line here is that you’re allowing others to define you. If this is how you were raised (to ignore and not trust your own judgment), you’re likely going to look to others to tell you if you’re worthy or not, and loveable or not.
It sounds like you're reading way more into what others say and do than is deserved. You’re giving their words more weight than your own, specifically using their words and behaviors to determine your own worth.
Others do not define us, we do. It is most unfortunate when we define ourselves as someone who can only believe what others say about us and ignore any good we say about ourselves. It’s time for a new definition because this one is clearly not working for you.
Article comments
1 - Joanne Huspek
Great post, and I totally agree. It's too bad that many base their worth on others' opinions. I don't know if it's an ailment of the young, because now that I'm older, I am confident in my own abilities and no longer rely solely on the feedback of others.
Counseling does help, and if you are a person paralyzed by this type of fear, I suggest seeking help.
2 - CallmeMaddy
It's sounds like bipolar to me. I'm no expert, but there are three bipolar people in my immediate family. I'd say check it out.
3 - Diana Hartman
Manic episodes are characterized by a length of one week or more, and depressive episodes are characterized by a length of two weeks or more.